For almost a decade I was in and out of doctors offices trying to solve the myriad of problems going on with my body. My mental and physical health always being treated as separate. Different boyfriend's reacted in different ways, but there was always a common theme of them deserving praise for putting up with having a partner like me. In one case my then boyfriend had moved me to Chicago where my country upbringing just did not jive, and I started developing random panic attacks when I witnessed scary big city shit. He told me I had to fix it or he couldn't be in a relationship with me. I found a doctor who helped me with my problems with a combo of therapy and diet change and in a matter of months I had lost 15 pounds and gained a new lease on life. Some of those things included creating boundaries like I shouldn't have to split 50/50 when I exclusively do housekeeping, grocery shopping, cooking and he made 6x my income. I also asked to be taken on dates nicer than hole in the wall take out. He dumped me... On valentine's day... Then went after my best friend (she said no).

Later I got into another bad relationship after losing my winning streak of diet and therapy to low income. But after getting into a relationship with a guy that wasn't really about my healthy lifestyle, I gained back some weight and committed with a comfortable albeit LVM. Fast forward 3years and we are about to have a baby, living in our nice rental, close to our jobs where we've basically been guaranteed job growth (there were red flags, but also a fair amount of green ones and I was back in my low self esteem where this new change felt life completing). He quits his job two weeks before my due date, loses his paternity leave, and then starts using drug's constantly. I had an emergency C-section and complications from it meant I couldn't walk for 6 weeks, and my injuries contributed to me losing my job later. It was awful, my mom lost her job taking off time, I developed full blown PPD, and I felt stuck because I committed to and needed this person that seemingly 180'd overnight.

But being that poor... I got healthcare, and not just any, the very best the state could offer. And I got a great doctor. And for years we worked on my physical and mental health together. I struggled at home with typical NVM family behavior to the point that I was somehow the breadwinner while also being a SAHM.

Then, like a miracle one of my blood tests finally revealed something I'd asked about many times before. My thyroid was off, but just slightly. More tests... And bam! I get diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease. I get the CORRECT medication (cannot express enough how I tried different meds and nothing worked and how that contributed to my low self-esteem) and suddenly it's like turning on the lights. And despite two years of trying I got my lazy addict ex out of my house I was finally able to. Then I got a job, I enrolled in school, and I've been happier than I have ever been. And to me this is all because I finally got the healthcare I was in desperate need of for years.

I have higher self esteem than I have had in years. For me it was more than just going to therapy, it was making sure I was healthy. And remember ladies, if you have a chronic illness/disability abusers are more likely to attach to you because of it. Please make sure while you're treating yourselves like queens and leveling up, you make extra care to check in on your health, it could be a secret aspect of your pickme tendencies.