The Gift of Fear is a fantastic book about survival and gut instinct. Before, I didn't even realize it was my fear or gut talking to me because I grew up with not listening to them, to constant gaslighting and being beaten up for talking about my fear. There are four trauma responses, fight, flight, freeze and fawn. I have found that you want to keep yourself in fight mode then flight mode if you've analyzed the situation to be unsafe. That means riding out the fear and fighting against it. Literally. Also, people will gaslight you in the tiniest amounts. I was out shopping and bought something small. The guy kept asking me to sign up for a point card. I have a lot of those at home already and told him twice that I don't need it and I left it at home. He kept saying 'oh you have a lot of points so please sign up'. I got tired of fighting and while points are useful, it really wasn't that much and I don't shop there often anyway. But meanwhile, I felt a lot of fear. Now that I look back at it, I think he just wanted to know where I lived. People used to tell me, it's part of their job, blah blah blah, I think otherwise. I already said no once, said no and gave a reason twice, why the fuck are you still asking me the third time? Next time I will give an attitude and rip the card apart or write fuck you in the details.

I also found a lot of my problem comes with not taking things slower (and it's not the title of a book). I used to take things real slow as a kid and my mom would often beat me up and complain that I was dumb or too slow. So I would take things fast or do things to get them over and done with. This is really bad because it lets a lot of abusers and takers into your life.

So I would say, practice sticking to your first no. Even if it just means saying no repeatedly and looking crazy.