Brother (23 M) trying to help his sister (20 F( with femininity.

orangerose18 · 2021-08-03T07:01:58+00:00

Having someone push you towards femininity will only drive them away more. Focus on loving your sister no matter what. Other commenters have already touched on her mental health and that’s honestly the most important thing — whether she’s happy dressing in boxy athleisure, baggy jeans and dad sweaters, or cute dresses, the most important thing is that she is happy and taking care of herself. Do NOT force her towards femininity. She’ll gradually figure out what she likes. Be a supportive loving older brother that she can relax and lean on — this will help her to feel safe and embrace her femininity. Otherwise if you’re unsupportive, moody/whiny, or otherwise unreliable she will have to be more masculine in order to feel safe and secure.

postmoderncorn · 2021-08-03T00:58:55+00:00

I mean no offense by this, but is there a possibility your sister is struggling with her mental health? The description of her sleeping all day and struggling to take care of herself set off some alarms for me, as someone who struggles with depression. Gently letting her know that you care about her and that there's no shame in talking to a doctor about it might be a step in the right direction, if that's the case. It's hard to care about being feminine enough in other people's eyes if you just don't care about anything in the first place!

I'm not going to touch the "feminist doctrines" you've pointed out, as I believe RPW is not feminist or anti-feminist, it's just a frame of mind regarding personal relationships. But feminist or not, it's important that she learns to take care of herself and her own household- the same way it's important for anyone to learn those things! If you're looking to lightly guide her, perhaps invite her to do some of those domestic things with you (cooking a dinner with your siblings can actually be a lot of fun, and any chore is better when it's split up). As for feminine appearance, there are a lot of different forms that can take. Just point out when she looks nice! Bolstering her confidence can be a big help.

edit: at the risk of exposing myself as a RPW cherry-picker (loltoolate), cultivating femininity is not something everyone cares about. And that's fine! This world takes all kinds to make it go round. Some people have a very intense and possibly negative relationship with their femininity, and they might not be interested in cultivating that. Putting femininity and RP aside, I think it's awesome that you care enough about your sister to reach out and see how you can help her take care of herself and her life going forward!

(sorry about the novel, I just had a lot of thoughts here)

Mewster1818 · 2021-08-03T02:43:41+00:00

I don't think you can help people who aren't interested in helping themselves, but you can give them a nudge if you do so tactfully.

Someone else pointed out that some of your description does sound like possible mental health issues. Is your sister happy? I'd probably start there, if you come from a place of compassion and love she might open up to you. If she says she's not happy, maybe explore what she thinks would help. Allow her to be an active participant in brainstorming the solution rather than just pushing her towards what you think is best for her. See if she's open to therapy, but make sure to respect her agency.

If she says she is happy, just mention you were concerned because you've heard stuff like sleeping all day could be a sign of depression and you just want to look out for her. This way you can try to foster that bond, so that she can feel secure in coming to you if she does need anything. If she still insists that she's perfectly happy, then just accept her as she is because unless she wants to change/admits she has a problem nothing you are going to say or do will help. It's better to build rapport so she can confidently come to you moving forward than to come across as pushy and interfering.

One of my cousins is a crazy SJW feminist type, and the only thing I've seen motivate her to change was her discovering how much she loves letting her boyfriend be in charge of stuff... and that only started because she asked him to help her sort out her finances, not because he barged in and tried to do it for her.

GinnyMorningstar · 2021-08-02T22:32:10+00:00

Have a think about why she might be 'giving up.' Is she lacking meaning in her life perhaps due to having your mother to depend on?

grahamcookiefart · 2021-08-02T22:03:09+00:00

Hey there! There is no intrusion whatsoever, you have a such a noble intention and it's great to see that men are interested in our opinions. I hope you always feel free to share your thoughts! :)

As for your sister; it's quite difficult to push someone into being more feminine. I was a tomboy (because I was raised by a single dad and only had a brother). Though I loved cooking/cleaning and was an anti-feminist I just looked like a slob. I stayed that way until I noticed my husband's eyes when I wore a sundress. From that day I gradually changed my wardrobe.

Feminist or not, everyone wants to look pretty! Compliment her when she's appearing feminine, if she behaves more civil, tell her its nice to be around her. Maybe gift her a flowy dress? I'm always for encouraging good behavior through enablement and discouraging bad behavior through distancing. If she notices "when I'm being slobby and obnoxious, I'm alone and if I'm pleasant I'm loved" she might be more encouraged to unleash her femininity.

Thank you for your sweet contribution and I wish you well!

Inside_Ad_7292 · 2021-08-03T02:47:07+00:00

It’s really nice that you want to help her, but you need to understand that she needs to want help herself before any meaningful change will happen. The best I can do is explain what worked on me, since I was pretty similar to your sister once upon a time: I found someone that was worth being better for and expected better of me. Maybe you could be that person for her by making sure that you’re in her life, hold her accountable, and be the man that she has sorely missed in her life. Be a role model. Provide examples for her by only choosing high value women to be in your life, and show her how a good woman is treated by a good man. She’s lucky to have a brother who cares as much as you do, and I hope she can see that. I genuinely wish a lot of luck to the both you, I’ll keep you guys in my prayers.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2021-08-10T18:10:28+00:00

The philosophy you're describing her adopting does not place value on long-term planning and leads to feeling like nothing is worth doing (ie, why clean clothes or eat healthy if it's not enjoyable in the moment?). That philosophy is depressing. Spending time with people who adhere to that philosophy is also depressing. She has built her own hole and is going to stay there until she doesn't want to any more. I (24F) have been watching this play out with my leftwing female friends over the past decade. Please take my experience: rescuing does not work, even from a fellow female.

You can not do a single thing to 'help' (ie, change) her, *nor should you try to.* The best possible thing you can do is OYS for yourself. Coming into your own masculine will have positive effects on the world around you (but be careful not to create a covert contract). Start reading /r/MarriedRedPill - it's not just for the married - and its sidebar if you haven't already. They're excellent about boundaries and will help you learn how to disengage from counter-productive focuses like this.

The best use of your gifts will never be trying to help someone who has not asked to be helped.

Mind you, I am a giant hypocrite writing all of this, because I still struggle heavily with the desire to 'help' my do-nothing younger sister too. The protective nature of older siblings is a powerful drive. In my personal case it has turned into a heavily-disguised external validation issue: 'Success' in my mind is defined in part by others being affected by me, so I fail to let go of the desire to affect others by 'helping' - regardless of their wish or readiness to be helped. (Some people will even ask to be helped but aren't ready, but that's another conversation.)

AdventurousAd5107 · 2021-08-24T10:12:46+00:00

Look into her mental health

Treat her like an older masculine nurturer if your father is passive then it’ll only make her more masculine

Assert your desire to protect her and care for her that you have her back as your little sister

Do stuff together that she likes so she can feel taken care of but then start to do things like suggest exercise etc

I’m unsure as I’m an only child

Tyla_re · 2021-08-03T11:29:46+00:00

Honestly, I was raised in a house with a mom who is a boss lady type although we were never wealthy she just has that attitude. She was always the main bread winner and my dad is also a sensitive not so masculine type. I had to undo and I still AM undoing the mentality set by my parenting. Although not all of it was that bad. O will say I appreciated my dad's sensitivity and overly caring side and found my husband who not only is caring but likes traditional roles so as I grew up with him (we were HS sweethearts) and my mindset changed he was SUPER supportive either way but he couldn't hide his excitement when I decided to be the housemaker and quit my job and become more truly feminine in that way.

I grew up with brothers and a mother who pound it into my head that you don't need no man blah blah don't dress to impress boys and whatever else. I very much have had a struggle growing up loving the pretty dresses but thinking if u wore them I'd get unwanted attention from men...so I wore sweat pants and hoodys.

With my long story out of the way the only thing that really helped me in that sort of way was 1 getting into therapy and 2 figuring it out for myself honestly. Maybe your sister will never get there, that may be something you just have to accept as I do with mine and just talk casually about things instead of serious topics or you can show her by example. Living your life the way you want too and hoping she see's the difference in your happiness vs hers. I have 2 sisters and one became a stay at home mom of 6 kids and she has really been my inspiration to believe the redpill way is possible and not miserable like so many women are taught. Maybe you could be that for her one day.

Title	Brother (23 M) trying to help his sister (20 F( with femininity.
Author	DaddyGebel
Upvotes	4
Comments	10
Date	August 2, 2021 9:50 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/owos1s/brother_23_m_trying_to_help_his_sister_20_f_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/brother-23-m-trying-to-help-his-sister-20-f-with.796805 https://theredarchive.com/post/796805

Comments