Recently Divorced

Adorable_FecalSpray · 2021-07-25T19:48:54+00:00

Advice when faced w divorce

Here is what I did and highly recommend to other guys going through divorce to start doing (these are just basics).

Lift, heavy weights. If you don’t have access to heavy weights, then body weight exercises and cardio. The idea is you physically exhaust your body, which increases good chemicals in your brain. It will make you look better too, which helps with self-confidence. This can help w feelings of anger too. Also more muscles, those are good too.

Start and do BJJ, Muay Thai and/or Boxing 3-6x a week. This will help you mentally as well as physically. Also it will help you be somewhat social. This can help w feelings of anger too. Punching a heavy bag for 5 minutes straight is pretty tiring and builds strength. And after a few minutes you are just thinking of breathing and hitting and not a whole bunch else.

Find some hobbies to do, old ones you stopped or some new ones. Guitar, woodworking, piano, dancing, yoga, stamp collecting, shooting, home improvement projects, model building. For when you aren’t lifting heavy weights and/or rolling or punching something.

Stay away from alcohol, do not rely on it to numb the pain. Sure, have a drink or two but don’t let it be a crutch. You are stronger then that. Also use this time to fix your nutrition (I prefer low carb and high protein and fat, along w Intermittent Fasting). And get your sleep, your brain needs to be sharp while you are going through this.

Start pursuing some alternate stream(s) of income other then your regular 9-5. Start w writing business ideas and plans then start pursuing them. Doesn’t have to be huge but something that brings in extra money and gives your mind something to do. (Legal bills will add up quickly, even on amicable splits).

Learn to meditate, starting w a couple minutes a day and work your way up to 10-15 minutes. (This actually lowers my blood pressure, I’ve measured before and after. It also helps w obsessive negative thoughts). There are several apps out there, I use Headspace.

Make your living space your own. Whether you get to stay in your house or have to move. Over time put furniture, art and other items that YOU want and will be proud to show to people you invite over.

Get a therapist. You might have to trial a couple before you find one that you click with and you feel that they understand you. Don’t feel bad about firing them. If they are any good they will help you set some goals for the sessions.

Reach out to friends and family to keep those connections alive or to re-kindle them. Be careful about venting to family and friends about your situation or Ex. It is alright to do for close relationships but keep it vague and short. That is what the therapist is mostly for.

Read books and/or listen to audiobooks, here are some recommendations that I found helpful (I really think the audiobooks are a good investment. I can take a 4 hour road trip and finish a book):

• ⁠Models

• ⁠No More Mr. Nice Guy!

• ⁠The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

• ⁠The 4-Hour Workweek

• ⁠48 Laws of Power

• ⁠How to Win Friends and Influence People

• ⁠The Rational Male

• ⁠Extreme Ownership

• Discipline Equals Freedom

• ⁠Boundaries After a Pathological Relationship

• ⁠Stop Walking on Eggshells

• ⁠Magic Words

• ⁠The Co-dependent’s User Manual (The last 4 are if your Ex was a Narc or Borderline)

The above are just the basics, if you have kids there should be a few others things you should start doing. If your Ex has a personality disorder there are several more things you need to do. Do not share w your Ex you are doing these things. If she finds out, ok but this is your business for you to focus on. This not a sprint, it is more like a marathon, just keep moving forward one foot in front of the other.

And lastly, do NOT jump right back into another serious relationship. Figure out the part you played incoming to the divorce. Maybe it wasn’t much or maybe it was. Figure that out. Be ok w being on your own for awhile. Do not repeat the same mistakes that got you where you are right now. I would recommend taking at least a year to work on the above before dating again. If you really focus on the above you will go back to the dating market, if you so choose, in a much much better position.

PatternNormal4817 · 2021-07-25T09:49:47+00:00

I totally understand the loneliness that you are describing. I just recently moved out of my family hole and got my own place, now trying to figure out how to build a social group outside of my ex-wife. The pointless and meaningless feeling goes away when you start filling the void; the important part is finding something to fill that time so you aren’t sitting around feeling lonely.

symolan · 2021-07-25T11:13:49+00:00

However pointless life may be and as an atheist, I consider it completely devoid of external meaning, it‘s the only and best entertainment available. Sometimes the entertainment sucks, terribly so, but it‘s always an experience.

I‘d recommend therapy and trying to find joy in small things for yourself. You have you to be with for a time. Try treating you right.

Easier said than done, I know. But there‘s not much else…

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2021-07-26T01:48:22+00:00

"This women was my life".

There is your problem right there. Never put her on a pedestool. You have a ton of learning to do.

How do you get on with your life? Focus on your career first, then your health, then your hobbies. Don't focus on women for anotehr 1-2 years

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2021-07-25T19:45:13+00:00

Therapy helped me a bunch.

Mountain_Switch_6759 · 2021-07-31T08:17:34+00:00

Brother, it really does get better. The first 2 months, I would have given anything to get her back. But something changed. I kept working on myself, and did all the things mentioned…and I don’t want anything to do with her. Holly fuck I was blind. You will go through some stages ok. You miss her, blame yourself, and regret the breakup. Then you will get angry about your situation and her. Then you finally get up and go do something about it. Then life gets better one day at a time. You gain confidence and find your self love. Pretty soon you realize you don’t need her. Hang in there man, You will be ok. I find myself laughing, that I wanted her back so bad back in the early days. Here are a few good content producers on YouTube: The Dating Guy, Coach Greg Adams, and Rebel Against Defeat. Good luck, you will make it

Title	Recently Divorced
Author	SnipezPlays
Upvotes	13
Comments	13
Date	July 25, 2021 8:31 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/or7wji/recently_divorced/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/recently-divorced.816411 https://theredarchive.com/post/816411

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