I apologize for the long post. I have no one to vent to except this space.

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I met my wife when I came to the Us from Germany for a work opportunity with my employer. I met her at work and she was the only human I interact with, We lived in Arkansas then.

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At that time she was going through a divorce from an abusive relationship, fighting custody of her twins. for her, I was the moral support she needed and she used to tell me I was the man she always dreamed of.

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I had a great relationship with her family, I was very esteemed and liked. for me, it was a new family and it made me so happy as I was alone here.

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5 years down the road, while my wife is faithful, I could barely feel her love. We had a son together and our life became so dull.

If I am telling her about my day or expressing myself about something, she barely ever pays attention. I could never have any interesting conversation with her and no topic interests her. our main conversation is about the kids.

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She caught me few times doing stupid stuff, like checking out sexy girls on Instagram. Talking to girls on Facebook nothing romantic but just friendly talk.

She also went through my email and search history and found out that I occasionally watch porn and was interested in going to a strip club... Those kinds of stupid things, but I stayed faithful.

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Due to that, she started giving me a hard time and threatening me to take my son and leave. I also realized that she was taping me, taking screenshots of my online conversations, and storing them.

And one day while she was threatening me with our son, I lost control and slapped her.

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A few months later, I tried to sit down and have a calm conversation with her. I suggested that we should divorce in a friendly way so each one can be happy on his side while putting the kids' best interests first. She started cursing me and everything got ugly quickly. slapped her again.

The next day she told me that if I touch her again, she will call the cops and have me arrested. she took her gold, emptied our joint bank account, took everything valuable, and left.

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A month later she came back, apologized, returned some of the money, and said to work on our marriage. I realized she no longer has the expensive wedding ring I gave her, I know she is not cheating or anything but don't understand why she no longer wears it.

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Meanwhile, she told her family I was abusive and automatically lost their respect. now they change direction when they see me. never call me, congratulate me, or condolence me in events that happen to me.

Her father once, said something like I was not man enough for his daughter, and I told him to go fuck off.

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I honestly don't know what to do. If I should prepare for divorce or should work things out. I don't think I have done anything crazy bad. I think my wife could have handled things better instead of making our problems public. I don't know why everyone had to know we are having issues.

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In a way, I feel like the past played a huge role in this.

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I honestly don't know If I am truly bad and fail to recognize it or I am manipulated to think so. Should I try again or prepare for an exit?

I now understand that I should not have slapped her, but she told me some of the worst things that can be said to someone. she destroyed me mentally. Every word I confessed to her about my life she turned into a sick story about me. Seeing her talking about me made me, makes me sick to my stomach. she demonized even the noblest things I do.

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I don't know guys, I have no one to talk to, I feel lonely and in a dark place.