Bad vibes in old house, but regret leaving it

Mavik52 · 2021-06-26T19:52:36+00:00

Short term sacrifice for long term gain. We bought a new house at the start of her midlife crisis. I wasn't really big on the idea, but thought it would level out the crazy that she was starting to exhibit. 2 years later in the divorce process I was fine with letting her have it. It's huge, old, and needs constant maintenance and repair. She thinks she won the lottery but doesn't have the long term vision that in those two years I was constantly repairing and maintaining the house. Another two years with her not doing the upkeep, the place is going to start falling apart. Meanwhile I found an huge apartment below a business and negotiated all utilities included so I only write one check for everything. I'm saving money, focusing on career and health, and plan my week so that I maximize being completely present when the kids are with me. The kids could care less that they aren't in the 3k square foot house with the huge backyard. We go on adventures, explore, picked up a few hobbies, and they are having a blast when they are with me. None of this was possible when I was married in that house because I was either repairing/maintaining the house, or dealing with her outbursts about how unhappy she was. Short term sacrifice, long term gain.

madmax2072 · 2021-06-26T15:54:05+00:00

Bro here's my plan after my divorce. Buy some land a few acres at least. Have a tiny house installed on it. Live your best life.

crowexplorer · 2021-06-26T16:23:59+00:00

All you can do is start over. It took me few years after my divorce to build up the credit and work history to qualify for a new mortgage. Houses are way overpriced at the moment anyway, and so are the materials to repair a house. Best thing to do is wait for the moratoriums to end, after the evictions there will be a lot of foreclosures and rentals on the market, things will get cheap again. Maybe you'll be able to buy back in at that point?

treehugging_shtkickr · 2021-06-26T17:30:00+00:00

It's a mixed bag. I got the house in the divorce, she hated it anyway. But I decided to sell it soon afterwards. It was a single wide on 58 acres. Loved the property, but knew I couldn't really afford it on my own. I can't tell you how much I truly started healing after leaving that place behind. I didn't realize that so much trauma could get locked up in a physical environment. I bought 12 acres of woods, and I'm building a house on my own, it's been a wonderful experience.

Consider this new place of yours a temporary situation. Get your head on straight, and look for a new place when your lease is fixing to end.

Mad_Dawg707 · 2021-06-26T17:56:03+00:00

Yea I’m in an apartment now. It sucks not having a yard for the kids but it is what it is. Switched jobs and now gotta get some time in the job to get a mortgage. Hard to sit idle when the prices are going through the roof but you’ll get another opportunity. Just be patient and work on bettering yourself in the meantime.

SirOssis · 2021-06-26T20:51:47+00:00

I really needed to hear this. My wife and I are divorcing after 20 years. We both make good money but mine is commission only and hers is salary plus commission. She has made more than me the last few years. I was convinced I was going to have to move into an apartment even going so far as to visit a couple of nearby complexes. It would be easier for her to make the payments. We have a 16 year old son.

When we agreed to divorce, she said she wanted me to stay in the house so as to minimize the disruption to our son. She wants the luxury downtown apartment lifestyle with fancy dinners and access to the movers and shakers of our industry (we both work in the same industry). She even offered financial support. She has never been present for myself or our kids. At first, I was against this because it is a constant reminder of the failed marriage, the isolation and loneliness I have felt coming in dead last to her friends and co-workers for 20 years. The kids, too. She is a high-performing narcissist…

But last night as I was walking through the house, I realized I can box up all her crap (she’s a hoarder) and there are clothes, shoes, handbags, unopened Amazon boxes in every corner. She has never invited people over to entertain for this reason: it would shatter the image she has crafted over the years. I realized I will have more control over the house and my life and she can be the single woman in her forties pursuing an expensive Eat, Pray, Love lifestyle not saddled by the mundane needs of a child or husband. It was a breakthrough and I was not excited by the prospect of an apartment. And in a few more years when my boy graduates, I can sell it and downsize!

sicrm · 2021-06-26T16:25:43+00:00

always positives and negatives.

if you managed to keep it and work on it sure you could’ve capitalized on the gains, but it would’ve cost you buying her out (if she even wanted that) then a lot of time/money.

now you’re free to do what you want and start fresh. look into buying your own place and work towards making that a new goal.

Thinkingtoomuch101 · 2021-06-27T02:55:28+00:00

Same feelings. We bought this house 6 years ago, and less than a year after that I realized it was a money pit. And nothing I ever did was good enough and nothing any contractor ever did was good enough. When I dropped the bomb, she initially said she wanted to keep the house. I said “That’s fine, good luck.” 2 days later she said “I think we should sell it.” (I will always wonder who made her see the light.) So here we are in a seller’s market, selling it “as is” and about to sell at $80-100k more than we financed. It’s the only hope I have to hold onto right now. I’m moving into an apartment next Thursday and it will be significantly “less” than my current living space, but I can’t wait to find new non-house projects to work on, and not that damn house that will never be “good enough” for her.

DollarBayDay · 2021-06-27T23:37:09+00:00

My dilemma..figure this out.... wife cheated with literally next door neighbor. His wife is gone but they're not divorced.yet. my wife has woeful credit and just signed a rental lease for 2 years on 3 bed townhouse using his payslip to boost her ability to pay the rent etc. I've said all along I want to v stay. So did she but she's no means to get a mortgage due to her credit. If I stay and pay her out she's gonna rub it in my nose by being over at his (firepits, partying etc) He's got cameras pointed at my house too. Option 1) stay and pay her $32k roughly and watch them be asshats Option 2) continue to court whereby judge will order to sell and end up with $20.6k after selling costs I've already offered $22000. But she didn't respond. Option3) hold and sell higher after divorce House was built 2018. Backyard is larger than anyone around . Great for commute too.

Title	Bad vibes in old house, but regret leaving it
Author	gorgeexplorer
Upvotes	11
Comments	21
Date	June 26, 2021 3:52 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/o8de2k/bad_vibes_in_old_house_but_regret_leaving_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/bad-vibes-in-old-house-but-regret-leaving-it.816637 https://theredarchive.com/post/816637

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