Wife begging me not to Divorce after hitting me while drunk

Electronic_Village72 · 2021-05-14T12:24:29+00:00

Are you a man or a mouse?

First, you need to do is get the pictures of the injuries. Get all the grizzly details in there.

Second, you need to get a copy of the police report.

Thirdly, get your evidence, police report, couple therapy receipts, pretty much everything together in a folder and put it in a safe place where she can't find it.

Fourthly you obviously love this woman hence you are here asking for advice. So you sit her down and you tell her, she's got 1 second chance and that's it. You wipe the slate clean.

If she ever gets abusive (that means words) you remind her of what you have told her. You ask her if she's gonna start again. You got to challenge her right away as soon as she becomes irate you cut her off. Straight away. Don't give her the chance for it to build up to that blind rage. You nip it in the bud.

If she crosses the line you walk.

I saw my dad do the same thing to my mum for 17 years. It does not stop, once you forgive the first time, you will forgive the second time, and the third, and the fourth and they will continue because they know you will forgive them.

That is not the live you want for yourself is it?

Constantly walking on eggshells in case you trigger her.

You are a man, not a mouse.

aradthrowawayacct · 2021-05-14T13:18:00+00:00

Most times she calls me all sort of degrading names when I choose not to respond to her rants.

She was already abusive. Now her abuse has escalated to physical, which is textbook pattern for abusers. So is her apologizing and begging.

but I really feel i should end things now.

It's perfectly valid to not want to give an abuser more chances.

Couples counseling really isn't going to be enough therapy for her to get a handle on her abusive behaviors.

See an attorney who has experience with domestic violence issues and follow their advice for how to proceed.

I have a hard time recommending someone reconcile with an abuser, personally. Especially once their violence has escalated.

treborcj · 2021-05-14T14:43:06+00:00

I feel for you. I was one of those guys. I went and found a cop and he took pictures. After a few months separation, we got back together. Found out that she pleaded guilty to domestic violence. I found out later that would basically ruin her chances for a good job as it comes up in background checks. So this would affect your financial future as well as did mine. Couple that with her constant cheating and it was a recipe for disaster. I struggled for 10 more years with that woman and just never loved her the same. Had to divorce to regain my sanity.

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-05-14T15:46:54+00:00

> She is really sorry, and has been apologizing

More like she's sorry she got arrested by the police. If she truly respected you, she wouldn't have hit you no matter how drunk she was.

Never listen to what women say. Always watch what they do, for the oaths of women are inscribed upon water.

ChirpaGoinginDry · 2021-05-14T13:02:22+00:00

First and foremost I am sorry you are going through this. You are person who deserves to be treated well and loved.

What you are going through is not normal or healthy. In fact it is the exact opposite. It does not get better unless your wife looks at her self and decides to get better, which rarely almost boarder line practically never happens.

The begging and crying is emotional Manipulation. It is about her emotions and not yours. That is not the right thing. If we hurt others in society we render aide we do not have the victim render aide.

You need to leave the house and get to safe place for your emotions and thoughts. You cannot process under constant stress.

From there call a lawyer and walk you through it. The good news is this is a young marriage and can untangled pretty quickly compared to. - 50 year marriage with kids and tons of commingled assets.

I believe in you and want you to be happy, From one man to another. You deserve to be happy and supported this is not it. It is but a small chapter in your long life and this too shall pass.

henrysmyagent · 2021-05-14T14:59:55+00:00

The hitting is new but not a surprise as her anger has been escalating.

If you give her another chance then she will be emboldened to escalate the violence next time.

Beneficial-Path5856 · 2021-05-15T00:02:39+00:00

Bro, divorce her and never look back.

Bipolar_investor · 2021-05-15T00:03:55+00:00

GET THE FUCK OUT, BEFORE SHE PUMPS OUT A COUPLE BABIES RUUUUUN

sicrm · 2021-05-14T12:50:18+00:00

do what’s in your best interest. get a lawyer ASAP.

tell them everything and ask what a divorce would look like if you got a divorce now.

if you don’t like how it would would, ask a lawyer about a post-nup, how effective they are where you live, and if they hold up if you get divorced right away.

this gives you options whether you choose to stay or go.

Commercial_Tip_9664 · 2021-05-14T15:07:10+00:00

Thanks for speaking up about this. Unfortunately I have been in your shoes. My ex used to beat me up when I got out of line. Obviously I can take a beating but it is still not right for us men to take that abuse. I would definitely document this. I like to give three chances and third strike you are out!

akihonj · 2021-05-14T21:30:31+00:00

You are Stokholming a name given to those living with abuse who identify with their abusers.

That does not mean that you are an abuser, what it means is that you are letting your emotions cloud your better judgement, you are letting your history together cloud what you know you need to do.

If you stay with her can you be certain this will not happen again, many men who have lived what you have also said their wives promised to never drink again, their wives begged and pleaded to be forgiven, their wives swore this would never happen again.

There are many women who would say exactly the same.

Many of those men were scolded with water, burned with cigarettes or stabbed while in their sleep.

Staying with her means the rest of your life sleeping with one eye open, the rest of your life walking on egg shells waiting for the next event.

If you forgive her and she has not already gained treatment for her behaviour, admitted what she did wrong, accepted what she did wrong and is already making amends and getting the treatment she needs then you will forever be wondering when next and furthermore you forgiving her will actually cause her to think that you're ok with it because you've forgiven her for the last time, so it will happen again.

You can support her but not be with her, you can support her but not stay married to her, you can support her but move on with your life.

Divorce is hard, it means breaking from that person you love, that person doesn't now actually exist if she ever actually did.

You are then divorcing a fantasy not a true person, an image not an ideal.

Get the divorce, give her the support she needs but give yourself the support you need more.

georeddit2018 · 2021-05-14T16:40:35+00:00

Sorry for going through that. It seems you still care and love her. But am thinking, what if you give her another chance and fast forward many years you now have a kid with her. Then you are pretty much tied to her with the child.

I think its very hard to change an adult behavior. They have to wanna change by themself.

rockhoppernostopper · 2021-05-22T12:48:04+00:00

She will hit you again. Been there, done that...

Title	Wife begging me not to Divorce after hitting me while drunk
Author	rogueOptions
Upvotes	10
Comments	17
Date	May 14, 2021 12:07 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/nc722r/wife_begging_me_not_to_divorce_after_hitting_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-begging-me-not-to-divorce-after-hitting-me.817015 https://theredarchive.com/post/817015

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