I have been married for 22 years my marriage started off very bad . We dated for a year she got pregnant before we were married. I went to her father and told him he asked me if I was going to marry her. I told him yes but before we got married she lost the baby so we postponed for a few months. So we decided April of 1999 we would get married I was 17 at the time so my mom had to sign. Everything was going great we went on our honeymoon. The day we arrived home from the honeymoon she confessed that she wasn't faithful. She told me she was cheating on me with two other guys when she got pregnant. So we worked threw it things went good for about 2 years. She started talking to a guy at her work got into a emotional relationship with him he was also married. I caught her on the phone with him she then confused that they where planning on meeting up and having sex. We had a newborn at that time around 3 months old and she told me it just happened. Begged me to forgive her and I tried. I decided to leave and see what life was like without worrying about if she was going to do it again. I moved in with a girl for three months and wasn't happy missing my little girl who is now 21. I came to visit her and I she my daughter being held by one of the guys she cheated with. I took my daughter and he smiled really big and said you lost her now. Out of anger and pride I told if if I wanted to come home i could he laughed. So she comes home from work and I tell her I am ready to come home. She told him he had to go. I forgave her but it wasn't long after that we started working together at the same job. Sometimes we would get separated in different van's that's how she met Tony and some other guy. She was going to go to a house party with them like a idiot i begged her not to go it took about 3 hours to convince her to stay home with me and our daughter. I was so wrapped up in trying to keep everything working I just let it go. After a few mishaps here and there things seemed to be a little better. I couldn't forget no matter how hard I tried so i decided we could move to the gulf coast and have a fresh start. Things where looking great for the first two months. Then i got this god awful feeling like something was wrong the same feeling I had every time she was unfaithful. She started getting into shape and changing everything about herself. So I decided to do the same I felt guilty for moving her and wanted to be the absolute best husband i could be. By now we have three kids and I wanted to make sure I was there for her. I cooked every meal cleaned the apartment and did all the activities with the kids. You couldn't imagine the things I changed to make her want me. She convinced me it was all in my head then convinced my family that I was being paranoid because of her past. So i thought it was all in my head .This went on for two years wondering without saying anything I just drank and kept my thoughts to myself. I couldn't talk to any of my family because it was me being paranoid. So i decided its time to buy a house at our new location. Still owning the other home we built together just rented it. The night we closed on our new home on the gulf coast after going out and celebrating with new found friends. We had a hurricane blow in that night it was hard to close on the new home because of the hurricane. Sorry off track we get home and have friends overnight from the place we moved from. I was sitting in my truck while the hurricane was doing its thing. I still couldn't get it out of my mind that she was talking to another man. She comes out to the truck and asks whats wrong I explained how I felt. She decided to confess that she was in a relationship with a guy at her work. They haven't done anything yet physically bit had a plan. He was also married this time i had her tell me where he lives. When he answered the door i see a man old enough to be her father .I gave him two options wake his wife up or take a beating. He woke her up and I her tell his wife everything. I went to our pastor and he encouraged me to forgive and give her one more chance that was 2017. I told her that night i would forgive her for anything if she told me everything. She told me thats it i promise on our kids. Now we are in November 2020 i still had this bad feeling so I asked her one last time. She then said I told myself if you ever asked again she would tell me . This is two weeks before Thanksgiving she confessed that she slept with my cousin years ago. He was closer than my brother's to me. He passed away 3 years ago. She told me it was a one time thing I left the house that night and moved in with my brother. I decided to get a divorce and move on I got online and met a amazing woman. We are close and I trust her. Fast forward to now she is telling me he raped her but she was afraid to tell me. Our family in the town we grew up in are very powerful. Most in government offices Mayor's politicians exc. She is still making me feel like its my fault. I know no one will probably read this but it feels better to let it out somewhere. Sorry I I miss spelled some words.