Question about the process

agincourthrowaway · 2019-12-26T03:10:22+00:00

My no. 1 goal is securing the maximum time possible with my kids. A distant #2 is retaining my pension. I think I could argue the kids are better off with me financially and in terms of wife's history of mental health problems. My #1 fear is that my wife would simply lie in court and I would lose everything.

Sad_Dad_0613 · 2019-12-26T04:23:43+00:00

Goal is to get out of this relatively quickly and unscathed financially and emotionally, get more time with my kids, as close to equal time as possible.

Fears are like other posters threats of domestic abuse and child abuse to keep the kids from me though I already have many overnights with them with no problems. Fear of having this be long and drawn out. Fear of not being believed despite my overwhelming documentation. Fear of getting a “traditionalist” judge who’s thinks guys bring home the money and women raise the kids and I manage to lose time with the kids and see them less than I do now for our informal arrangement.

4agreements · 2019-12-26T04:28:44+00:00

My first #1 goal: retain as much of my assets as possible. #2 goal: avoiding lengthy expensive negotiations when spouse doesn’t return phone calls, provide discovery, doesn’t take time to educate themselves on process of divorce, denies responsibility for completing their part of divorce. Basically necessitating my lawyer fees to go sky high because of my spouses incompetence. We have adult children

whycometoohio · 2019-12-26T19:37:39+00:00

Hi there, my goal was to simply get out of a very toxic 15 year relationship with no kids, Sounds easy right, what started off as we will get one lawyer and we will get a quickie $1000 divorce turned into a nightmare,

4 lawyers spread across 2 states with 2 judgments and 2 judges, sheriffs departments and process servers all arguing over jurisdiction. Wife had been married 3 times before this was my first and she knew how to play the system,

And the kicker is we have no real assets a couple of cars both in my name and house with no equity again in my name only.

Long story short after 2 years I ended up in trial court with no attorney as I had run out of cash after losing my job and was basically hit with $100000 alimony and debt settlement. I had to take back her car and pay it off and pay all her medical and attorney fees and past taxes. I still don't have a job and the judge knew that at trial but still put down the alimony that I have to start paying February 1st. My ex wife moved out of state and lives with family has a job and no bills to speak of.

My wife walked out of court with all her outstanding bills paid for a nice alimony settlement and not a single dime in debt to her name.

I don't have a point other to say this process scared the hell out me and just be careful when it comes to divorce as it truly seems to be highly woman favored.

prunkardsdrayer · 2019-12-26T03:20:48+00:00

I’m nearing the end of a two year process. Fear and anxiety came in several stages.

Stage 1: I didn’t know what to expect in court, how to set up my new life, and how much I’d have to pay. Didn’t know enough to be scared, other than that she would claim domestic violence to get me out of the house.

Stage 2: scared about her making claims of violence, but also concerned that the judge would consider me a wallet, because that’s something she could control, but any orders around the kids couldn’t be enforced.

Stage 3: concerned about lawyer’s and counselor fees, which were adding up but never came with any hopeful outcome. $5,000 became $15,000 became $25,000 in the first year, and nothing was being accomplished.

Stage 4: Terrifying fear of jail or prosecution when accusations of child abuse were introduced 18 months after filing, followed by accusations of a decade of emotional abuse. Lost contact with the children as the police and child services were involved.

Stage 5: 25,000 turned to $50,000 in lawyer fees, and still nothing could be done.

Stage 6: 50,000 turned to $75,000, and while progress was made, the final goal of standard custody was now replaced with not going to jail.

Stage 7: 75,000 turns to $100k plus- settlement reached. Settlement was the same as it was at $50,000.

Stage 8: 50k in debt, another year before I even see the kids, and at least another $50,000 to restart the process to win standard or full custody

Stage 9: wondering if it was worth it, as every lawyer I spoke with made it clear that this is how the system is rigged, because you can’t prove a negative.

And meanwhile, I keep being told how lucky I was.

Nitrothacat · 2019-12-26T18:02:54+00:00

Mine is over now but my number one goal was to keep as much marital property and money for myself. We had no kids so I wasn't concerned with her well being afterwords.

Didn't really have any fears other than her getting a lawyer and realized how raw of a deal she got before the court date.

Udjebfk · 2019-12-26T18:27:34+00:00

As much time as possible with the kids.

Cave_Creeker · 2019-12-26T23:22:21+00:00

You didn't mention kids, so my answer will be going with that. #1, getting her out of my life completely and as quickly as possible. #2, keeping my assets. Never let her approach you without someone else around or always record any interaction. My fear was when her friend told her to trap me so as to have me arrested.

Reddit_Noob84 · 2019-12-27T00:05:57+00:00

1 Goal: To solidify equal custody of my children while still maintaining some semblance of financial stability for them and myself.

Fears: Continuing to live paycheck to paycheck while working multiple jobs. This is my biggest fear because if I’m not more financially stable, I’ll not be able to visit my kids or bring them out to me from The west coast.

Data_Fan · 2019-12-28T15:22:47+00:00

Keep lawyers as far away as possible.......

rsmiley77 · 2019-12-28T17:09:57+00:00

My divorce is wrapping. No reason for my divorce to have been complicated but it became that.

1 goal: fair and equitable resolution regarding my children and child support. I went in asking for 50% and got just that. Child support is where I thought it would be.

2 goal: move on with my life as quickly and as relatively unscathed financially as possible. The soon to be ex asked for everything but maybe the kitchen sink. Thankfully I got out with just a child support payment, acceptance that bills were mine and 6k of my savings. I’ll take it I guess.

Title	Question about the process
Author	PDwannabe
Upvotes	6
Comments	12
Date	December 26, 2019 2:47 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/efpp73/question_about_the_process/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/question-about-the-process.818873 https://theredarchive.com/post/818873

Comments

1 Goal: To solidify equal custody of my children while still maintaining some semblance of financial stability for them and myself.

1 goal: fair and equitable resolution regarding my children and child support. I went in asking for 50% and got just that. Child support is where I thought it would be.

2 goal: move on with my life as quickly and as relatively unscathed financially as possible. The soon to be ex asked for everything but maybe the kitchen sink. Thankfully I got out with just a child support payment, acceptance that bills were mine and 6k of my savings. I’ll take it I guess.