Need a little help

Tiger8438 · 2019-03-26T05:43:49+00:00

I've been working on myself for about 2+ years now; therapy; meditation; journaling, and gym.

There is no canned recipe to follow. Finding the right therapist is key. Give them a few sessions before moving on. It'll take a while to build trust in them. When you start to trust the therapist, you'll start to tell them things you didn't think you'd ever say out loud. It's liberating.

Meditation comes in lots of flavors. I started with "Meditation for fidgety skeptics". The premise behind meditation is like gym for the mind. Learn how to focus. Learn when the distraction is toxic and re-find focus. The book is a pretty simple read.

Journaling is what I do after meditating. When I am focusing during meditations, I try to log the distractions in my head. Then I break out the journal, and focus on the distractions. Why did they come in? Was it easy to push them aside? Did the return? What is the distraction telling me about myself?

Keeping busy physically and mentally helps. Especially lifting weights; gotta stay focused when weights are in the air (especially when above your head/chest.)

As for the physical contact, make sure you're playing safe and legal (legal is very important if the divorce isn't finalize, as any legal infraction could adversely impact the divorce especially if there are kids involved; not a lawyer, just guessing.)

Good Luck

DAMNYEBEL · 2019-03-26T03:01:46+00:00

you ever think that maybe getting another woman to uncross her legs will help? sometimes all those feelings of good sex with your ex can definitely be squashed by some good sex with a new woman, or a few. you have to treat love like a chemical sometimes, the dopamine dump you get from your naked ex can possibly be gotten from a new woman

SDsurfx · 2019-03-26T01:55:51+00:00

Get some therapy my dude. You’d be surprised how helpful talking to someone can be. And I don’t mean your best bud after a fifth of whiskey.

brother_meowzone · 2019-03-26T02:08:01+00:00

No tips except probably cool it on the drinking. I have the same problem,among all the others, and a bit of alcoholism. They say not drinking helps you to get into healthier habits but I'm not convinced yet, I mainly find I just feel the anger and sense of grief more strongly.

JasonToo · 2019-03-26T06:55:13+00:00

Sounds lame as shit....but time, brother.

Your mind is healing. It’s not an instant effect.

Stay active, get sleep and eat properly.

13thoclock · 2019-03-27T21:02:15+00:00

I agree with everyone here. As someone who is in the same shoes as you, it won't be easy and there will be days where it will be difficult to get up in the mornings. Time will heal all wounds my friend. It will get better with each passing day. Therapist is a great idea but if you are like me, I can't really afford one so here are somethings you can do to help yourself get to the path of recovery:

Get plenty of rest, sleep. Helps keep your brain in check.
Care for yourself, be sure to eat. We sometimes forget that one.
Exercise, great way to keep and shape and it's good for the brain too.
Find a new hobbies, find something you've always wanted to do and just do it.
Spend time with buddies. Don't have some? There apps out there to help you find groups with similar interests.
Lady friends, be careful with those. Only you, know you. Give yourself time to mentally heal. While one night stands and the comfort of a new woman could help heal all wounds, rebounds do happen. Be aware of that unless that's what you want of course.
Create new habits and traditions. Doing something just for you goes along ways.

Last but not least, it's okay to feel sad, depressed. You do need to let that out at some point. It's part of the grieving process. Just remember not to stay there for too long. There's a whole big world out there waiting for you bud.

Title	Need a little help
Author	spectereblack117
Upvotes	5
Comments	25
Date	March 26, 2019 1:53 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/b5jr53/need_a_little_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/need-a-little-help.819675 https://theredarchive.com/post/819675

Comments