This is a longish and not particularly original rant.

Clearly some of us just aren't cut out to take on the masculine role, but at the same time much of the problems awkward men's are facing with dating are because the insane mix of expectations affecting all men in general.

We're expected to initiate, every goddamn time,  be assertive and act on desires that are simultaneously considered  'problematic' or threatening if they happen to be unreciprocated.

Forced into making moves within the narrow schedule women expect, without hesitation or hint of insecurity. Any misstep judged in the harshest manner possible. Ask women out too early and you're a creep who "objectify" them by focussing too much on appearance; too late and you're a creepy Nice Guy faux friend who tried to get in close proximity through feigning friendship.

And worst of all: Expected to 'just know' when to escalate things physically without any clear rules around when to seek verbal permission or what counts as permission in its absence. Surprise... it turns out many women don't actually like to be asked all the time, or think it's lame, submissive beta type behaviour.  Then there's the opposites for whom there are no innocent mistakes. So you have this bizarre mix of values were women describe how they stopped dating some guy because he tried to hold their hand too soon, while others complain about men being too passive and not aggressively pushing for sex.

Same goes for feminist subs. Odd how the particular gender role of who approaches is never questioned.  Real Men get over their issues, we're told, learn how to talk to women and play the masculine role perfectly while still respecting (vaguely articulated) boundaries at every point.

Add to this, almost no consensus beyond the obvious (assaulting someone incoherent drunk, unconscious, clearly not into it. etc) No guidelines, only context based judgements that vary between individuals.   And no one willing to acknowledge the large numbers of women who don't give a damn about enthusiastic consent as a standard and would prefer men be exciting and unpredictable.

I've come across women who won't judge for minor faux pas and generally sympathize with what it must be like to initiate, but they don't control the narrative.

Who needs it. That's the attitude I'm getting from guys now.

In my workplace (university campus) I see this group of them in their mid-late 20s, some with Master's degrees, spending what remains of their youth in low stress casual positions. I tried talking to a couple of them about why exactly they're coasting, why they're still single etc. and the answer usually goes: something.. something.. too much hassle.

I mean why would you serve yourself up to be judged by someone with obvious issues of their own? Many women have a tendency to lash out at and pillorize men they aren't attracted to, to make them somehow symbolic of the bad experience they had in the past with other men. It's become a too risky proposition for those who aren't blessed with appearances and confidence.

They'll be a largish group of them getting to their 30s without a lick of experience and all sorts of downstream consequences with depression and people ditching career goals. Think incels are a problem now?