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Man Wins Custody Of His Own Daughter After She Was Adopted Without His Permission

benderXX

February 22, 2021
2098 upvotes
/r/MensRights
https://vt.co/news/us/man-wins-custody-of-his-own-daughter-after-she-was-adopted-without-his-permission
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Title Man Wins Custody Of His Own Daughter After She Was Adopted Without His Permission
Author

benderXX

Upvotes 2098
Comments 79
Date February 22, 2021 5:04 PM UTC
(5 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/lptndw/man_wins_custody_of_his_own_daughter_after_she/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/man-wins-custody-of-his-own-daughter-after-she-was.833749
https://theredarchive.com/post/833749
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Comments

[–]Mode1961 332 points333 points334 points 5 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link

We have things called putative father registries.

Here is the definition from Wikipedia.

In the United States of America, the putative father registry is a state level legal option for unmarried men to document through a notary public any woman they engage with in intercourse, for the purpose of retaining parental rights for any child they may father.

Now think about that, imagine for one second if women had to do that OR lost custody of their children.

But worse than that is that how many men know this even exists. These things were not created by fathers' rights groups but by adoption agencies as a way to rid the process of fathers.

[–]MisterDamage 136 points137 points138 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Putative father registries often exist purely to point to after the fact and say "you shoulda..."

The laws tend to require forms to be available at certain government offices... but aren't. The laws tend to require advertising of the registry... and aren't.

I've seen an article about one such registry in which the people who are supposed to maintain the registry were actually confused about why a man who might be a father would be contacting them

[–]omegaphallic 27 points28 points29 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Horrifying incompetence.

[–]MisterDamage 26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Is it really incompetence when functioning as intended?

[–]omegaphallic 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

In this case yes, because its at least supposed to fufil its basic function when required otherwise its too easy to dismiss in courts.

[–]Run-OnWriter 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Successfully failed.

[–]v573v 26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

So the fact that women would have to pay child support for children who live with the fathers and wouldn’t have to with adoption isn’t the primary motivation behind this system? It’s those greedy adoption agencies! Grrrr!

[–]Mode1961 16 points17 points18 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree with your sentiment, but the actual registries were pushed by adoption agencies which is why the time limits are so short.

[–]spovax 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

Not sure I get the point of the woman comment. The reason this exists is for men to put a notice that they claim paternity. A woman’s notice to claim they’re the mother is the kids coming out their vagina. And then their name is written on the birth certificate.The kid also appears immediately, not 9 months later.

I truly don’t understand if that is the point you’re trying to make. That this is some burden on men.

[–]miroku000 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

Some states won't even put the real fathers name on the birth certificate if the mother is married to someone else. By law they have to put the husband even if they know he is not the father.

[–]spovax 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

At the point how do you know it’s the real father? Another way to state this is the father is assumed to be the husband unless proven otherwise. Which isn’t entirely unreasonable

[–]miroku000 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

I mean, how do you ever know who the father is though? Usually, they ask the mother and write down what she says.

[–]spovax 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

You seems to be implying that questions rebuts my point. Which is that it’s assumed the husband and putting someone else’s name isn’t allowed where I live. If not married it’s left blank until a DNA test.

[–]miroku000 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Well so they are by law knowingly putting someone other than the father. I get that you are ok with that. You asked how they know who the father is. Maybe in your state they leave it blank until a DNA test. But in may places they just ask the mother. They should just leave it blank in all cases of there is a doubt.

[–]spovax 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

People assume too much. This situation is effed and bad. I fee bad for the guy. But a bunch of whining about some dudes and having to repot something and how terrible as a burden it is for them is comical to me. Feels like a pity party.

Edit: wording

[–]miroku000 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Resorts?

[–]Mode1961 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Ok, sure, but imagine for a second if in order to claim your child after birth you had to sign a form with all the MEN you had slept within case you got pregnant. Remember, for men signing these forms it doesn't mean they will have any rights because they still have to do other things later on and in a lot of case within 30 days of birth.

[–]spovax 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I mean if the child came out of 50 different vaginas I see that could be needed. Or if the child was missing for nine months and it was hard to tell who’s it was.

I don’t think this is a attempt to make a victim out of anyone. I think the point Is to stop random people from being listed on the birth certificate that are not the father.

Also I’m a dude.

[–]postyogaera[🍰] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Sorry, but that argument is dumb lame and just wrong:

All 50 states have forms that can be filled out to not just make you a putative father, but an acknowledged father, which then is the same as an adjudicated father.

(Side note - There are tons of different fathers you can be, for example: legally---putative, alleged, presumed, adjudicated, adoptive)

The same legal concepts don't hold true to a woman, because ...guess what... she gave birth to the child.... so then it only is subject to contracts and laws involving those contracts.

[–]Mode1961 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Remember, a man must sign a form for any woman he sleeps with, not just the ones who become pregnant. IOW, fathers have no actual rights, if you have to sign a form to get a right' then it isn't a right but rather a privilege.

In the US when arrested you have the right to remain silent, now, what if they changed the law and in order to have the 'right' to remain silent you had to sign forms to say you want that right sometime in the future. Now imagine these forms are not well advertised and in a lot of states the people administering these forms barely know anything about them.

[–]bluesydragon 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

wait so if not on the registry they have no rights? that can't hold up in court....

[–]postyogaera[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

It wouldn't, and that is the point of the story. At the same time, you kinda need to know you have a child to do anything about it. That is a pure biological disadvantage of being a male if you have sex with people you don't know.

[–]ManofGod1000 113 points114 points115 points 5 years ago (28 children) | Copy Link

A full year? So the adoptive parents fought against the father?

[–]theanchorman05 77 points78 points79 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

This happens a lot more than what people think.

[–]Nerfixion 65 points66 points67 points 5 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link

I kinda get it, after the time and money youve put into finally getting a child after years of trying and being told by doctors, you finally get s child to love and its taken away because the system is faulty. Some people couldn't handle letting go.

[–]Ragnrok 80 points81 points82 points 5 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link

Cool motive, still kidnapping.

[+]Nerfixion -25 points-24 points-23 points 5 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link

Well I don't think it is. Not if you did everything legally.

[–]mavetech 32 points33 points34 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

It's kidnapping by the system, not the adoptive parents. The system kidnaps kids every day.

[–]thekoggles 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

Well your thinking is wrong, there is no wiggling room here. Just because something is done legally does not mean it was done right.

[–]Nerfixion -3 points-2 points-1 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Never said it was, I'm simply saying that it's understandable that people took it to court or what not and that it's not kidnapping but the adopters.

[–]Doctor_Panek 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

I see that there are older comments to your line of thinking. You chose to argue the previous comment but not the others? Is it because you are wrong and can't argue a correct statement? Why not respond to the guy who wanted two hours before this previous comment? Because you know you are wrong and must change, but somehow are scared of becoming a better person and caring?

[–]Nerfixion -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Hahaha man that's some nice head cannon.

[–]Doctor_Panek 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Still haven't responded to why it's state sponsored kidnapping. I will await your comment to the other thread- unless you're wrong which would make my earlier comment EVEN MORE CORRECT LOL

[–]Nerfixion 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

🤔

[–]az226 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

But it wasn’t legal

[+]Onithyr -18 points-17 points-16 points 5 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

Right, just like the holocaust wasn't murder because they did it "legally".

[–]matrixislife 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

Everything devolves back to WW2 doesn't it, despite virtually no one online having participated.
Godwin's Law is:

"as an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1".

Not "Make Nazis and Hitler the first stop in the argument". I know that's how things seem to be in general discussion, but at least in here can we keep it reasonable?

[–]Onithyr 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

It's a proof by counterexample against the idea that something being "legal" make it "right". It is a go-to because it is an example that everyone can agree upon. It absolutely baffles me that you did not understand this and instead thought I was comparing them to nazis.

[–]matrixislife 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

It's a massive escalation. People use this kid of argument to shut down disagreement. I'm sure if you had given it a few seconds thought you could have come up with a better morality tale than this.

[–]Onithyr -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

It's not an escalation it's a counterexample. Holy shit, you're still acting like I'm making a moral equivalency when I directly stated that's not what I'm doing. No wonder you lacked the reading comprehension skills to understand the argument in the first place.

[–]matrixislife 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah, I can see your schtick is trying to berate people into agreeing with you, that much is pretty clear. Starting with your initial comparison of an adoptive parent not wanting to surrender their kid back to the original parents to the holocaust, then your mis-reading of my argument when I made it clear in four words, "It's a massive escalation". Then you throw in a random insult [lack reading comprehension] just to finish off.

Rude and wrong, a bad combination. I won't be replying to this thread again.

[–]JekobiWan 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Sorry man I guess you gotta come up with some better examples 😢

[–]Onithyr 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

We're on r/mensrights. More than half the posts here are examples of how legality is divorced from justice. If those aren't extreme enough to demonstrate the case, a more extreme example is of course needed.

[–]justliest 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I dont get it, it sounds stupid.

I like cheap things, should I support war in poor countries and genocide to so I can keep getting cheap electronics and clothes? Its legal right, and after spending time I dont have enough money, and the stores keep raising the price.

[–]kiooa 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

I can't find in the article how long the adoptive parents had her before they knew the father was contesting it, but in the photos she liked to be 3 or older, so it is possible he didn't contest it until a year or two after the adoption. Imagine adopting a child, caring for that child for months or even years, only to be told the adoption was done incorrectly and you have to give up your child. I'd fight it too.

[–]greenhenkie 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Than you are trash

[–]felorius -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

You're looking at this too black and white in my opinion. Both parties were wronged and the family isn't at fault for loving a child who is techically theirs. It's like someone comes out of nowhere and she's you for custody of your family member. The daughter belongs with her father but this is not a black and white situation where it's easy to place blame on the adoptive family for loving their kid.

[–]LilFunyunz 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Technically not theirs.

[–]felorius 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Well legally until the court case is over the child is I guess. Idk I'm not saying they're in the right but it's a tough situation for everyone involved.

[–]ZandorFelok -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Some people just want to watch the world burn

[–]smittsmyth 103 points104 points105 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Yet another colossal failure because of govt.

[–]Ariliescbk 23 points24 points25 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

The fact that a mother can adopt out a child without the father's knowledge is fucking disgusting. I guess all she has to do is say "Father unknown."

[–]Frosty-Gate-8094 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Its easy to do... If the father's is name is not there on BC, she can simply say she doesn't know the father...

There is nothing you can do unless the actual father shows up....

[–]thwip62 39 points40 points41 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

But if he didn't want anything to do with his kid, he'd be a "deadbeat", right?

[–]ManofGod1000 19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Then he could have legally given up his rights to be a father legally. However, it was clear that he DID want everything to do with his daughter.

[–]thwip62 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I mean under different circumstances. Like, if the mother wanted to keep the kid, and the father wanted nothing to do with it, what he wants wouldn't matter, and he'd be financially liable.

[–]postyogaera[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

otos she liked to be 3 or older, so it is possible he didn't contest it until a year or two after the adoption. Imagine adopting a child, caring for that child for months or even years, only to be told the adoption was done incorrectly and you have to give up your child. I'd fight it too.

If he was named he would be liable either way, regardless of what the mother wanted, unless she could survive without state assistance. That's a pretty rare scenario.

[–]Ragnrok 65 points66 points67 points 5 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

If you adopt a child and it turns out the child was adopted illegally and its birth-parent is attempting to reassume custody and you proceed to fight for custody, fuck you, you're no different than a kidnapper.

[–]JadwigaofKalisz 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

I totally believe fathers should have to agree to put a kid up for adoption but I also feel for the kid and the adoptive parents in this situation too. The parents are losing a kid they’ve loved and the kid is losing the only family they know.

But I fully blame the birth mother here. She had no right to adopt the kid out without the father knowing.

[+]randonumero -9 points-8 points-7 points 5 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

Spoken by someone who has never been adopted or adopted a kid. FWIW it sucks all around. For many couples the adoption process is both long and expensive. In some cases you even build a relationship with a kid as the process goes on. That means that for the adoptive parents in many cases they've developed a bond that they don't want to let go. I remember reading an article years ago about an aunt who raised her niece pretty much from birth until she was 6. Essentially the mom had a lot of issues including drugs so the aunt took the kid without going through the legal process. Over the 6 years she never asked the mom for anything and treated the girl like her own. At some point the mom got clean, married and decided she was ready to be a parent. Despite fighthing with everything she had, the aunt eventually lost the kid. I remember reading about how the girl was crying I want my momma while they were taking her away. Shit's tough from both side sometimes

[–]myatomicgard3n 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

“But won’t someone think of the family that has to give the kid back to a father who wants him...they spent money damnit.”

[–]gariant 19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

"I bought this kid, fair and square!"

[–]sno_cone_thehomeloan 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

God people are so emotionless on here. Read his comment again (all the way through this time). He doesn’t just talk about the fact that they spent lots of money, but that they built a strong bond with the child who was then taken away from the woman she called her mother her entire life at 6 years old, she can’t possibly grasp what’s going on. That must be traumatizing as fuck. How the fuck does someone read that and try to shame the person denouncing it by saying the aunt’s actions are akin to child trafficking? Every day I see some shit like that on here, bad faith argument after bad faith argument where one user reads another’s point of view and proceeds to warp it to the point where it is nearly unrecognizable, and since nobody else wants to read a whole paragraph the second comment always has more upvotes. The child adoption system sucks for everyone.

[–]myatomicgard3n 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

"Hey sorry, your child was taken away from you at no fault of your own, but I love her now and paid for her, so I should get to keep her."

Does that sound better to you?

[–]JadwigaofKalisz 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

So the kid losing what is in her eyes her loving mother because her birth mother finally got it together means nothing to you?

[–]felorius -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Lol you're pretty heartless

[–]myatomicgard3n 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Heartless because i side over with the biological family not having their child taken away from them at no fault of their own...so heartless.

Again all I hear “but I loved them and bought them fair and square” from you.

[–]felorius -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

No you're dodging half of the argument just so you can be outraged. Nobody is saying they should get keep the child and they definitely don't think of the child as a bought object. That's their family whether the child rightfully belongs to them or not.

[–]myatomicgard3n 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Because "please let them steal the child, they love it" isn't even worth debating.

[–]felorius -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

"nobody is saying they should be able to keep the child" you're still missing my point. I feel bad for both parties but the child belongs with the dad.

[–]Marty-the-monkey -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

There’s an interesting perspective in the perspective that only birth parents would/can feel any true love towards a child.

[–]McFeely_Smackup 20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

The guy was screwed over by the mother, and failed by the state... But let's take a moment to appreciate the special kind of monster that the "adoptive parents" are.

They knew 100% that the childs farther wanted her and did not give up custody, and they tried to use the legal system to legally steal his child.

There's no positive spin to put on this, and knowing they are that evil should disqualify them from ever adopting

[–]az226 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I hope he also applies to get and is awarded child support.

[–]SnooRobots7998 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Wtf

[–]Drewsef916 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Something about the story makes no sense. Starting off with how the girlfriend put the child up for adoption, thats not legally possible, only a legal guardian can do so

[–]BritishCorner 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Big win for mens rights

[–]nacho-chonky 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Big win that he won custody but big loss that he had to spend tens of thousands of dollars fighting for his child in this scenario

[–]BritishCorner 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I get to see my fucking kid again who cares about that money????

[–]MensEquality 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Congrats! He should never have had to fight for her in the first place but automatically have been granted custody.

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