I didn't know how to answer his question.

TempestTcup · 2015-11-21T19:57:20+00:00

Since the only person you can change is yourself, we don't discuss what your man can do to change. We do discuss different diets and healthy food: things women can do to make their men healthier.

It's up to the man to decide if he wants to shape up, but if a woman wants her man to shape up, the best way to do it is to start working out herself, and hopefully he will follow suit.

cats_or_get_out · 2015-11-21T19:52:04+00:00

I'm not here to change my man. I'm here to be the best me that I can be.

How many women do you know who nag and whine to their husbands about their health habits? I see it a lot. How effective is it? Probably very little, but I'm sure it is 100% effective in getting him to tune her out.

I'm not his mom; I'm his wife.

SocialIQof0 · 2015-11-21T22:18:54+00:00

My husband has always worked out but he's gained some weight and he's started having some health problems. He says he knows he needs to get in better shape (and so do I really) so I mostly don't say anything about it. I love him as he is. I'm of course concerned for his health but it's ultimately his decision.

Sometimes if he's made a big deal about needing to lose weight, or stop eating something - if we go to the store and he grabs that thing I will say "you said you weren't eating that anymore..." and he'll say why he wants them this time and I let it go. I say something once - just as a friendly reminder - no other agenda. It's his choice.

He doesn't say anything about what I eat, and I wouldn't appreciate it if he did honestly. We both treat each other pretty much in the same fashion and I think it's respectful and kind.

freebumblebee · 2015-11-22T03:27:13+00:00

I was thinking about this at work the other day--couple comes in, middle aged, looks/acts like they've been together quite awhile, she's kept herself looking very good, and he looks like a butterball. What a bummer for her. Obviously I don't know their whole story, but still. Bummer.

Like everyone has said, you can't change anyone, only yourself. However if your SO does express dissatisfaction with themselves and a desire to change, you can be really helpful and instrumental in this. Pack him healthy lunches that stick to his caloric goals, and structure dinner the same way. Instead of encouraging him to be a couch potato, ask if he wants to go for a post-dinner walk or a weekend hike or a bike ride. Ask if he wants to share a gym membership. I'm not saying nag him or berate him or guilt him or anything like that, but help is always appreciated, especially when it comes to something like weight loss.

Also, keep yourself attractive and continue to be a good SO. Just being the best you could be is almost passive dread. For most of us, that means regular exercise, watching our diets, being less sedentary, having good posture, keeping your hair styled and wearing some makeup, wearing attractive clothing/undergarments, and being an excellent gf/wife (that last point, while not about physical attractiveness per say, is key). Also, I do want to be clear I am not advising actual dread here! But given that it's a hypothetical, I'm pretty sure everyone here already knows that.

cats_or_get_out · 2015-11-21T21:15:50+00:00

[permanently deleted]

aZombieKitten · 2015-11-22T17:09:21+00:00

You can really only play a supportive role if he starts making changes. If he doesn't, well, that's up to him. Odds are, he's been like that since you've met him, so if you've been fine with it for X amount of time and suddenly decide he needs to fix himself, you're going to have issues.

I often recommend leading by example. Start working out and taking care of yourself; he may follow suit, especially if he wants to be the higher value partner. Sometimes, you can even ask if your SO wants to do things (like go to the gym) together, which can encourage both of you to take control of your health.

On the other hand, there are some couples that will legitimately call each other out if things are getting out of hand, but that's got to be decided on together. I know with my last relationship, the issue was that not saying anything made things worse (because he hadn't been having issues at first but gradually got worse over the course of a year or so), but I hadn't thought to ever discuss before if it was okay to call him out on things even though he called me out on things like weight gain.

So, really, do what works for you if that kind of thing ever came up. That's the way I look at it. It's a real trial-and-error process and depends on the people involved.

FleetingWish · 2015-11-22T18:07:27+00:00

When men fall and women fall it is for very different reasons.

A typical pattern for a woman is when she is not in a relationship she is in her best shape, and then when she gets into a relationship she stops putting in effort. Almost like, "I don't have to try anymore, I have someone". This is why dread game can be an effective tool for this kind of behaviour. It is a reminder that the relationship she is in isn't a sure thing.

When a man falls it is because something in the atmosphere has changed, and he has lost his confidence. Examples might be: losing a job, becoming sick for a long period of time, being nagged constantly by his wife, etc. In this situation the best thing you can do to get him back to the man he used to be is double down on being a RPW (just like for the red pill, the advice is to double down on being RP). Basically do everything in your power to stick by his side, and let him know you believe in him. Make him feel like a Man again.

The thing to understand is that people don't just, "change overnight". They are put into a new environment, and they respond differently to it. If you want them to behave like they are in a different environment, the best you can do is try to simulate it for them.

Title	I didn't know how to answer his question.
Author	MadeUpMama
Upvotes	6
Comments	14
Date	November 21, 2015 7:40 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3tq62r/i_didnt_know_how_to_answer_his_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-didnt-know-how-to-answer-his-question.85782 https://theredarchive.com/post/85782

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