Need some advice

LifterofThings · 2016-01-06T23:28:01+00:00

Sweet tittyfucking christ.

How old are you? You have some serious growing up to do before you're ready for a relationship. Break up with the dude who's mad that you fucked some other guy while you were broken up (and you did fuck him, make no mistake), stop using men for validation, and get your shit together.

cats_or_get_out · 2016-01-07T01:02:34+00:00

Time to be single. You've poisoned it completely.

Time to be alone. You need to work on being comfortable being alone. This is called growing up. You need to do it before you enter a relationship.

always-be-closing · 2016-01-06T23:23:21+00:00

1) You broke up with your boyfriend

2) You then started having sex with another guy, purely because you didn't want to be alone, and rationalized yourself into starting a sexual relationship without any real planned emotional foundation

3) "i felt disgusted and stopped it like 10 seconds after so i dont count it.." <- You didn't and still don't take responsibility for it

4) Your ex-boyfriend is not 'over' the fact you slept with another guy

5) The other guy isn't even a high quality guy in your own opinion (a "total pushover"), and your ex-boyfriend sees that as a double hit to your worth

6) Your ex-boyfriend is now simmering with anger that boils over occasionally, even when you're trying to mend things

Stop pumping medicine into a corpse, and don't kill your next patient because you have no more medicine left.

FleetingWish · 2016-01-06T22:52:47+00:00

Well, what did you expect would happen when you slept with your beta orbiter? No, it doesn't matter that you didn't like it. Take some responsibility for your actions. As for your relationship, It can't be fixed at this point. He would pretty much have to have no self respect to get back with you.

My advice? Kick the beta out, live by yourself. Cut your losses swith your boyfriend. Learn from this and move on.

iwishiwasamermaid · 2016-01-07T00:36:23+00:00

Let's just reverse this. I would want to vomit if my ex tried to crawl back to me after 3 months where he fucked some fat beast who was far less attractive than me. I would seriously question his smv/worth and definitely feel icked out about sleeping with him again. He would be "damaged goods" to me. And that's what you are in your bf's eyes. You didn't do anything directly TO your "bf" but you irreversibly changed how he sees you. He views you as less than before and it didn't work out then right? Doomed.

End it. Girl monk mode. And read rpw links. You clearly have SO much to learn...

Littleknownfacts · 2016-01-06T23:17:28+00:00

so my current bf and i broke up a few months ago. During that time (3 months) i started talking to someone else (more like using him to have someone at my apartment at night bc i was afraid and didnt want to be alone ) so we ended up "sleeping" together and I use that word loosely because i felt disgusted and stopped it like 10 seconds after so i dont count it..

It counts. Don't hamster it away.

so me and my "bf" are trying to work on things and when we first started talking again he was so sweet.

This might not be strictly rpw advice, but its from personal experience. Don't ever double back, it never works out well. And the longer the break, the worse it is. You broke up for a reason and unless both parties really admit what the problem was and try to fix it, its doomed from the beginning.

And now it feels that he cant get over the fact that ive "slept" with someonr else.

Well yeah, he doesn't want some other guys sloppy seconds, especially not when he's had you previously. And when he (and you) view the other man so lowly, that means you lowered your value to the same as that beta man's and you won't be able to raise it higher in the eyes of anyone that knows you slept with him.

He refers to the guy as a beta and says it lowered my worth

Basic RP concept, the more men you sleep with the lower your value.

(the guy was 10+ years older and truly a pushover). Anyway now he'll be really mean sometimes refer to me as bitch.

Well if you don't like being called a bitch, either stop being a bitch or leave. In this case, it sounds like the damage is already done.

I'm trying really hard not to nag and not complain but I'm finding it very hard. What do i do? What can i do to make him respect me more?

You can't its a lost cause. Next.

PhantomDream09 · 2016-01-06T23:14:32+00:00

How long after the break-up was it until you started having the older guy start sleeping over? Why did you break up in the first place?

loneliness is no reason to make bad decisions and compromise your values.

Your BF doesn't trust you. A fact that doesn't exactly bode well for your future as a couple.

Any problems that existed prior to your break-up (or that lead to the break-up) more than likely still exist now and you have the added hurdle of being a loose-goose in your SO's eyes.

vegancigarette · 2016-01-07T03:31:41+00:00

Being a RPW isn't about deferring to any and every man. The whole point is to choose a good man who you respect and want to be with, and someone who makes you feel safe so you want to defer to him.

This does not mean immediately sleeping with an orbiter dude after a breakup. This also doesn't mean immediately moving back in with your ex who refers to you as a bitch. Your "bf" has no respect for you because you don't respect yourself. Things are not going back to the way they were just because you cook him breakfast or do housework for him.

As others have said, this ship has sailed. It's a new year and the perfect time to set goals to improve yourself, learn to be content outside of a relationship and to not require validation from men all the time. If you do this you will be in a much healthier mental space to be in a relationship, and hopefully find someone who doesn't address you as "bitch" in a non-joking manner.

blondie_brownie · 2016-01-06T23:05:43+00:00

If his penis was in one of your orifices, you slept together and it counts. You need to accept that it happened, and that saying that it 'doesn't count' does not make it go away. If you haven't already, stop talking to/seeing/anything the beta. I agree with u/FleetingWish, the relationship with your bf is broken and toxic to both you and him. I think you really need to be by yourself and work on yourself for a good long time.

Lucy__Sky · 2016-01-07T16:14:06+00:00

He'll never see you the same way again. Just break up with him and find someone new. This relationship is toast.

Pr0nzeh · 2016-01-08T15:13:05+00:00

gr8 b8 m8

loverofbooks96 · 2016-01-06T23:25:12+00:00

I don't talk to the Beta anymore, and I have actually moved in with boyfriend. But i guess i should let that sink in. Thanks

closetrpw · 2016-01-07T21:38:20+00:00

Who broke up with who initially? If it was you, it kind of sounds like you have no respect for your bf and you should really just break up for good.

Either way, my advice to you is to break up and cut both of these guys out of your life, but something tells me you're not quite mature enough to do that and aren't going to do that yet.

If you really, really want this to work out, you really need to assume your role in the dog house right now. Take the hits and don't fight back. You really have no right to nag him about when he is going to be working again. (What's the situation here...is he living with you? Are you supporting him? If so, it kind of sounds like neither of you have the best self-esteem and should break up to work on yourselves.) You need to show him you 100% respect him and have his back- and this is going to be VERY difficult both for you to prove it and also for him to get there.

Start raising your worth. Work out if you don't already. Cut your other beta orbiters. Own up to what you did. Be completely honest when he asks questions about your time apart, but don't try to provide excuses, nor offer details if he doesn't want to hear them.

This sucks, but him being "mean" right now is really good for you in the long term. You will figure out what boundaries he has, and you will start to respect him for not putting up with your immature behavior. You should want to do nice things for him like cooking him breakfast, but these should be sincere. It is manipulative to do these things in order to get him to act nicely. It's not going to work. First work on your behavior and mindset- you need to sincerely respect him. Then the actions should naturally follow.

Honestly I see this relationship ending the same way it ended the first time- either you are going to dump him again for the reasons you first dumped him, or he is going to dump you again for the reasons he first dumped you plus the fact that he can't trust you.

The break up will be good for you.

first9error · 2016-01-09T07:02:50+00:00

I'd say that's verbally abusive, and you should definitely leave the relationship.

Title	Need some advice
Author	loverofbooks96
Upvotes	4
Comments	17
Date	January 6, 2016 10:36 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3zsa51/need_some_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/need-some-advice.85889 https://theredarchive.com/post/85889

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