I am frustrated. He will be home in an hour and I'm fighting mad. I come home and the house stinks because there is food in the sink that I left empty when I went to work 12 hours ago, there a newspaper bag that was on the ground on the kitchen table, his underwear is in the dark hamper and not the underwear hamper and he randomly moved a table from a spare room into the bedroom to sit his computer on and then left behind. He didn't close the dresser drawers.

I realize this is all so petty and minor, but I just can't brush it off easily today. We've been talking about officially moving in together, although he practically lives here already. I guess it's just a matter of bringing his bed over. The frustration I've been feeling more lately must be related to the idea of officially giving up my freedom, even though he's had a key to this house for nearly a year and we've spent maybe two weeks combined at his place.

It makes me wonder if actually moving in together is the wrong idea. I've done it before; I'm actually divorced, so this isn't new to me entirely. But in a lot of ways it is. I had nothing when I got married- there was no merging of lives. I don't like his furniture because it's all hand me downs from his mom and she has much better taste in home decor now. I also signed an extended lease because he said last summer that we would not be living together for a couple years at least. He doesn't feel we would fit in my house. I don't think I want to break my lease.... it's not the kind of person I am.

I'm just frustrated by a lot of things I have no control over lately, and I cannot find the strength to surrender. I lashed out yesterday, I've already sent an ugly text today (patience has never been my strong suit. I got frustrated and instantly sent "I don't think I'm ready to live together" even though we pretty much have for the past year.)

Any words of wisdom to calm down before he gets home? I'd take a bath, but he put the plunger in the tub without rinsing it off and out of principle I refuse to touch it.

(I'd like to say that he is an amazing man; I have no idea why I am suddenly feeling so negative. He supports me, pushes me to be better, talks things through with me, leads me and has done nothing to make me question his character or morals. He takes care of my dog as if she were his, I think I've unloaded the dishwasher maybe 20 times in the year we've been together, he does my yardwork. He's not a bad guy, and I don't mean to paint him in a negative light. I just am so frustrated that things are the way I left them. Control freak much?)