I don't know about you guys, but whenever the subject of gender equality comes up, it almost immediately jumps to the Wage Gap. And I've had an extraordinarily difficult time making progress once this is mentioned.

For one thing, the conversation usually gets bogged down with numbers and disagreements about source information. I've noticed that disregarding another person's statements - No matter how wrong or misguided (such as perpetuating the wage gap myth) - usually leads to conflict. So that has not been a good strategy for me. The strategy of "out right denial" is not a winning strategy.

The second strategy I have taken is the "choices" approach. Women choose jobs that are more satisfying and less dangerous, and hence get paid less on average. That's absolutely true; but I find that I often get behind the 8-ball when I use this argument. It often gets misconstrued as me being old-fashioned or sexist, and the conversation usually sputters into insults and accusations. So stupid, I know. But there it is. So "choices" does not seem to be a great strategy.

I've recently hit upon a 3rd strategy that caught my opponent off guard and caught the ear of my listeners last time I tried it out. I'm going to use this from now on.

I call it the "demographics" strategy. When a feminist comes up with The Wage Gap I pause, look solemn and tell them that that's true - if they look at all of the average earnings of men vs. women as an average across the US. Then I add quietly, after as an after thought,

"...but have you looked at it broken down by demographic?"

The answer is almost invariably no. So I offer an olive branch. I inform that married men and married women both make more than single men and single women. This usually gets a pause.

Then I say, "if you look at it in that light, you really could make a case that society is prejudiced against single people."

This is a huge card to play. It has an effect on the room that you really need to see. Single people bristle and nod their head in agreement. Married people flush. Many feminists are single, so this resonates with them as well - meaning that you might even make allies using this approach.

Once this is accepted as fact (it is, but sometimes it requires some time to settle), then I bring out the hammer.

"In fact, if you break it down even further by demographic, you'll find that unmarried women with no children under 40 actually make MORE than men of the same bracket."

I usually have to repeat that. It's a mouthful. I've narrowed it down to, "single women under 40 make more than single men under 40."

This is usually met with hostility. Most feminists out right reject that. But then you pull out any number of articles or websites that show this to be true, and you've got a silent feminist on your hands.

You can even add something like:

"So here we are sitting here, and actually it's YOU that has the advantage of the wage gap. We were talking about the wage gap, right? So statistically speaking, you, as an under 40-year-old unmarried woman, have the advantage over me. How does that make you feel? What do you do with that advantage? Will you stand with me to fight against gender inequality?"

Oh boy, does that ever shut people up.

After that, the conversation turns to education, "well, that's because women have more education than men."

"Exactly!", I say. "Setting aside the fact that you've just 'normalized' this - and you relentlessly accuse me of doing the same when we were talking about the wage gap - regardless of that, women have more education than men. You are absolutely right. And why do you think that is?"

The most common #1 answer is: "Women work harder in school than men."

"Would you accept it if I said that men work harder than women at work? No, never mind. Don't answer that. Are you not concerned that in greater and greater numbers that men are leaving academia? Have you ever wondered why men don't feel comfortable in academic settings? In general: Why do girls get better grades than boys? And why are more women going to university than men? Is that gender equality?"

The results have been great so far. I've stunned a few loudmouth feminists into silence. But mostly, I've caught the ears of the moderate listeners who start nodding their heads and looking around awkwardly.

Try it out and let me know what you think! I'll post some of the articles down below. This is how we deal with the Wage Gap Myth.