I replied to a thread on another sub where the female OP asked if any other women who are a “type a” personality went from having a passive partner to a more dominant, take charge kind of partner, and what the differences were. in writing my response, I realized that many women who label themselves type A (including myself in the past) do not understand that the mental load they undertake for all the planning and organization of their lives is not universal - many people, especially this society’s LVM, simply do not have that internal discipline or drive to order their lives or provide structure for themselves, which is why there is an epidemic of “passive” LVMs who are looking for a mommy bangmaid life coach therapist secretary to do it for them.

These women let these men latch onto them like leeches and enjoy the benefits of such an organized and structured life while giving nothing back. Never drag people with you on your level up journey. Allow others to naturally rise with you or get left behind in the dust. It is not your job to save anyone else, uplift anyone else, or support anyone else but you.

Here is my response to her question which includes some green flag examples from my current partner contrasted against some of the red flag “passive” traits I experienced with my former partner:

it’s much easier to not have to shoulder that mental load alone. I love having a true partner who takes on not only tasks, but does not require delegation. I feel supported during times when I need to rest or step back from the stresses of life because I know I can rely on him to keep things going - the dishes won’t pile up, the laundry will get done, he will have home cooked meals for me and will do small things to make my life easier, like make my coffee (which he doesn’t drink), or suggest down time when I’m not aware I’m wearing myself too thin.

it’s such a relief to not have to delegate even when I’m not feeling up to it. over time, passivity wears on you because you’ll become aware of how much more labor and mental load is required to not only do general life things, but to bring everything to his attention (you initiate all the serious discussions, you provide the choices for him to make decisions about, I’m sure you do research into products or event ideas and do the planning). it’s so taxing, and there is no long term reward. you deserve someone who is capable of giving you the same attention and effort you give to your partners, not someone who simply absorbs your beautiful, rich, powerful energy and basks in the fruits of your labor and mental power.

also, to fully address your question, I don’t find too many issues of butting heads - it’s much easier to sit down and have a quick, pragmatic discussion about something and have someone who is able to provide their own list of pros/cons instead of just echoing your own opinions back to you or just “yes dear”-ing you. communication is so much different and more productive with someone who is more than just a sounding board for your own ideas. it’s refreshing and in my opinion, worth the tiny extra communication it can take, since communication is easier with two very active participants. dominant and take charge doesn’t mean aggressive or intense; my partner is soft spoken and easygoing but is direct, disciplined, and engaged in the world around him, not just a passive observer of events and things in his life.

I hope this shows some green flags to look for, or at least helps some women who are doing more than her share in her relationship.