I'm about 3.5 months pregnant and haven't told my mother yet. We have a strained relationship, to put it mildly. I try to keep my distance and communication to a minimum for my own sanity and keeping the peace (we currently live several states apart which seems to help). My parents divorced when I was 2 and she remarried when I was 8. She and my (now ex) step dad were emotionally and mentally abusive when I was a child and teenager. She has refused to acknowledge any of it when I have tried to talk to her about it multiple times. I also think a major part of our differences is that she's a feminist and ridicules my lifestyle as a red-pilled wife (and stay at home wife/soon to be mother).

My husband and I (30 and 34 respectively) are absolutely ecstatic about having our first baby. We have told his parents and sister this week, but I have to tell anyone on my side of the family.

While I'm fairly close with my biological father, he has repeatedly in the past told my mother things I asked him not to. So I don't even feel totally comfortable telling him without him telling her.

Part of me is so excited and wants to share the joy of expecting, but part of me also feels like it will lead to nothing but drama and headaches. I feel like she will rob me of that excitement and joy. And perhaps this sounds selfish, but I almost feel like she doesn't deserve to know. I probably won't be able to keep it a secret forever, so I dont know if just not telling her would be an option.

Any advice for telling her or alternatives to what I should do? Thank you in advance.