I had a really emotional moment last night—a full-on breakdown. I hadn't had a good cry in a long while, but I definitely needed one.

​I’ve had the children for my normal days. My oldest is off from school, the weather is beautiful, and we’ve actually had a great few days together. However, I’ve been on and off irritable with a family member, feel.upaet about how I was being rude. I’m not making excuses; I’m just processing life right now.

​Everything just came to a head yesterday. I was in full tears, my lips were quivering, and I couldn't even speak. I just sat there with tears falling on my sleeping one-year-old.

​I will be okay with the divorce itself. What I struggle with is my children not being in my constant care. I can’t seem to let go of the past or my ex’s actions. I constantly worry about them when they are with her. While it hasn’t reached the level of physical abuse, she has been mean to them in the past—yelling, calling them ungrateful, or grabbing them forcefully by the wrist when they wouldn't stop crying. When we lived together, she rarely interacted with them. I feel terrible for my oldest; I worry that no one is engaging with them there. My ex also dumps her financial woes on the children, and my oldest mentioned that their mom blames me for the separation. They also mentioned the house is dirty and covered in cat hair.

​I just broke down last night.