I (31m) found out a few weeks ago that my stbxw has been texting other men and calling them in secret after meeting them at bars on nights out with her (nursing school friends). This comes after working through a prior infidelity episode she had around 2 years ago.

Of course I am crushed and this is about to become a full scale divorce and has already begun to feel like psychological warfare.

So for clarification. I found out about these conversations and confronted my stbxw calmly about who these males where after finding out the information I have. Now the kicker is she has consistently lied to me since finding out about the infidelity two years back but I only just now realized it. She racked up several thousands of dollars in debt in “our” name and for the last 2.5 years we have been in Alabama I have been nearly the sole income as she has pursued further education with full support from me. I have been the primary parent to our child to help her focus on school and she finishes in less than a year. Then this all came out. She has degrees from before her current schooling and has continued to work less and less hours to “focus on schooling” and worked lesser paying jobs and lesser so hours.

Her parents are loaded and she lawyered up immediately and I am from a dirt poor family who joined the military to fight generational poverty. I’m honestly terrified of losing any time with my child as he is the reason I have taken the current position I have and location for shore duty so that I could be undeployable as I plan to get out of the military. I am meeting with a lawyer finally tomorrow after a month of back and forth with JAG and trying to reconcile with my stbxw.

I have taken back control of my finances as she had complete control to blow out spending and not pay several bills with “our (my)” income by having my bank completely delete our joint account and se up my own account so I could pay the bills finally and start paying everything off that has been put in our name some things being against my knowledge or will. This caused her to go into a frenzy stating that I was “financially abusing her” or “using my finances to control her” and because of this she took my son and ran to her family in another state with all of the Christmas presents I bought my son to have Christmas at her family’s and jeep me and my family out of Christmas with my son. I have been informed by her to expect papers any day but I just don’t know what to expect or what to ask or really how to get through this and catch a win that involves me getting to spend as much time as possible with my son.

I’m sorry for the long post but I need any advice possible before I go into a full consultation with a lawyer tomorrow. Any questions I should ask or advice is greatly appreciated.

For further context I was told that the statute of limitations is a year for proving infidelity but is there a chance I could subpoena records to prove intent if there is evidence I still have of prior infidelity? Thank you all in advance.