Any advice pending Divorce/ situation

MR-Ozmidnight · 2024-05-30T11:11:53+00:00

I'm really sorry for what you're going through. It seems like you're carrying most of the weight in your relationship, especially since you mentioned that "the kids are more stable with you." I suspect that she may have been seeing someone else behind your back. When someone says "I love you, but I'm not in love with you," they are usually testing the waters with someone else and keeping you as a backup plan.

I recommend gathering information about divorce laws in your state. Many family law lawyers offer a free initial consultation, so you should consider reaching out to them. It's important to protect yourself, especially if your wife could potentially take advantage of your retirement plans and other financial matters, particularly if she has been a stay-at-home mom. Courts often tend to favor the stay-at-home parent in such cases.

Also, be cautious when interacting with her, as things could escalate and she might even try to get a restraining order against you. It's essential to safeguard yourself in every possible way.

Consider canceling any joint credit cards, and if her card is in her name, you could suggest that her cards are hers and yours are yours. However, it's crucial to seek advice from a family law lawyer to understand all these aspects.

Regarding your decision to stay, if counseling hasn't been fruitful and your wife left you two and a half years ago, only returning to work recently due to the challenges of being alone, you need to think about what's best for you and your kids.

Gathering information and seeking professional advice is crucial. Be cautious about who you seek advice from, and consider consulting professionals in the field.

I understand that this might be overwhelming, but I've been through a similar situation. My ex-wife left me for my best friend, and I had to raise my two sons alone. You're not alone, and there are people here who are willing to help you. I've seen others go through similar experiences, and you can find a lot of helpful resources online. Good luck, and keep us updated. You can always come here and ask for help.

DaddyNoBux · 2024-05-27T15:40:31+00:00

I love you but I’m not in love with you

AKA

I’m riding the cock rodeo but if Chad dumps me, maybe we can work this one out

Lawyer up bro

Mopey_Robot · 2024-05-27T14:26:26+00:00

Dude, you are playing with fire. Stop sleeping with her. She will get pregnant and it's game over. Looking for a job is not having one. You will pay alimony for 1/2 the length of the marriage, and likely longer with young kids.

Get a lawyer and sleep in another room. Avoid unneeded interactions.

rsmiley77 · 2024-05-27T13:37:55+00:00

You said things are confusing right now. While it seems both of you are confused it’s for different reasons and I think focusing on the ‘why’ will help you do the things that need to be done…

You are confused because you’re trying to keep your family together. You realize that she wants divorce though and she is not even trying anymore where you’re doing all the work. You hope she sees the light, begins to be present in your families life again, and that you return to the ‘happiness’ of before.

She isn’t as much confused as conflicted. As you’ve brought up there’s no good reason for her to be wanting the marriage to come to an end. But there is something that is driving her decision. She’s clearing monkey branching. She’s sitting there inching more and more away from you and family and seeing the next tree is right there. She’s almost ready to jump but not quite ready to jump. It’s secure where she’s at but there’s new fruit and excitement on the other tree. She will eventually jump.

There is clearly someone out there in her ear whispering sweet nothings. And even if you take care of this one they’ll be replaced in a year or two. You deserve better. Maybe I’m wrong but if I’m not you deserve better and should move out, reset your life, & move forward.

west-rain-shadow · 2024-05-27T07:05:00+00:00

We were intimate lastnight.

Look out for the baby trap. You already have three, but she could have you on the hook for another full eighteen years.

We both want to avoid lawyers. So we are self filing

Might still be worth quietly consulting with an attorney on the terms of this agreement. She doesn't need to know you have done so. Personally I can't imagine getting divorced without an attorney, but it's your call.

When I brought up starting paperwork today she said for me to wait. That she wants to find a babysitter and spend some time just us two without the kids. "I was thinking about disconnecting from social media for a while and maybe try spending time together". Her wxact words. I agreed, but honestly I'm so worn out from carrying the marriage for the last 2.5 years I doubt us camping and fucking in the woods is gonna fix her deeper issues.

What do you want? Do you want to be married to this person? Forget what she wants. You cannot decide this for her, and trying to influence her decisionmaking is not healthy. Decide for yourself, and no one else. It's your life, not hers.

She doesn't work and you live in one of the most expensive cities in the country. Consider the fact that she might be suddenly shocked by the cost of living on her own, and is having second thoughts. But if so then she is interested in you only for what you provide, not as a husband and a person. You should aspire to be more than an ATM with a dick.

Note also that you are coequally responsible for your marital debt until you are formally separated. If you are still sleeping together you are not formally separated by any definition. Make sure she is not out racking up credit cards or getting a car loan, which you will then be responsible for half of.

Not sure if courts will force me to sell or buy her out.

It will be one or the other. Having your name alone on the title and the mortgage makes it easier (no need to refinance) but she should still have an equity claim on the home since you were married. Find the appraisal from when you bought the place; you'll need it (or you will need to get another).

She is looking for a job. Has her VA compensation. Should avoid alimony if she gets one.

Put it this way: why should she get one? She can always hook you up for alimony, then get a job later. Court can try to impute income but it's tricky with her not working for so long.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-05-27T06:38:18+00:00

She’s playing you.

Title	Any advice pending Divorce/ situation
Author	travismiller90
Upvotes	5
Comments	8
Date	May 27, 2024 6:22 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1d1l3no/any_advice_pending_divorce_situation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/any-advice-pending-divorce-situation.1519673 https://theredarchive.com/post/1519673

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