Hey guys, just checking in. You all are awesome. It would be cool to hang with a lot of you and maybe have a cigar or something.

Waiting for the divorce paperwork. She did give the ring back. I sent it to Worthy and it was appraised. Should be getting a response about the value and then it’s going to auction.

I’m hanging in there. I’m an addict. I had a long period of clean time before her and I met. I was raising the kid inside of me at that time. Sadly, I was only introduced into setting boundaries and truly finding love and comfort inside myself. I could face my feelings head on and cope with them in a healthy manner.

Currently I can only reminisce on that time. I have definitely been self medicating. Very close to going to the doctor to get back on pain medication for a previous back injury which caused me to have a major surgery. I’ve been taking prescription medication (not a full opiate but a partial) but not as prescribed. I’ve also been taking Kratom, drinking, and snorting coke. Not everyday or anything, but still, can’t justify my use.

I wish I could say with confidence that I’m doing well, but these feelings are so much goddamn stronger than all the substances. My stepdaughters’ father’s wife reached out to me today through text and invited me to my step daughter’s birthday party. They are good people. I just broke down. Hard.

I lied in my marriage and broke that trust boundary because of my addiction. I did had to go to detox once. I never stole anything, went to work, and showed up when I needed to. I have become a highly functioning addict. The last straw was taking a couple of prescribed amphetamines and when she asked me about it, I lied.

I won’t go into detail about the toxicity of the entire relationship. I just have to be honest with you strangers. Strangers that I appreciate sharing their experiences from all over. I don’t feel like I’m so alone. This honesty to you all is a sort of “cry for help.” I know where this path leads and I have no intention of going there but as the saying goes “the road to hell is paved with good intentions.”(no, I’m not really religious). Anyways, to all those that reached out before, thank you so much for responding.

Im not innocent. I’m not a victim. But I have to accept that I did break my own spiritual principles of honesty and integrity and hurt someone whom I did love very much, at least to the best of my partially recovered ability.

Sorry for this long ass post. I just had to put it out there. Love y’all. Hang in there. I’ll do my best to as well.