Children withheld from me

Background-Tax1986 · 2025-02-01T22:54:49+00:00

My ex did this, then made claims I was a drug addict, I filed for divorce and custody 50/50 she thru whatever would stick. They always error on the side of caution. I was given like only 4-8 hours on Sunday’s until I could prove I wasn’t violent or a drug active. Monitored piss tests for 6 months and anger management classes. Every couple months I would have to report back and they would up the visitation little by little. Then she filed for child support while visitation was like 10-20%. I got hit with back dated child support of like $30k. No joke. $3400/month for like 6 months when she was making claims. Finally after all the bull shit and paying $70k for attorney I finally got her to settle. 50/50 and $30k spousal support settlement. It’s been the longest 3 years of my life proving innocence to a judge that only hears claims from woman and has to error with caution. To this day I never go anywhere near her at school and we exchange at the police station simply because I will never trust this woman again and for the longest time would always have my sister with me.

I just got caught up on arrears and support is only $1050/month. I need to always stay guarded simply because you can tell the money is running out and she is looking for ways to get those payments up.

The other day I had to have an officer in force my order because at the police station she refused to let the kids out of the car claimed they have the flu and wanted to stay with her. Officer talked to kids and they were aloud to come with me. This is the second time I’ve had to have the police enforce my order.

Words of advice is to always have someone with you and never go near her alone. The woman you merry is not the woman you divorce. Guaranteed

rsmiley77 · 2025-02-01T22:39:18+00:00

When I was going through my divorce my first rule was not to do anything that would tick off the judge. Things like this tick off the judge.

Your ‘win’ probably won’t be immediate. For me, my ex decided to lie in court. A lot. After a tear filled lie about me not paying daycare and her not being able to take kids to daycare. I mean this was an Oscar winning performance. I brought receipts and an email telling the daycare owner that any issues with billing were to be handled directly by me and anything she wanted or needed to take care of. Anyways I was given a very favorable final ruling. That’s likely what will happen in your case.

The_Breakup_Broker · 2025-02-01T20:06:46+00:00

I smell the Silver Bullet Divorce Method at play explained in details here .
She could justify withholding them because you are a violent man &weaponize false allegations (e.g., abuse, violence) to gain leverage. Courts often err on the side of caution, temporarily restricting access to children until allegations are investigated.

Parental Alienation: If the mother manipulates the kids to parrot false claims (e.g., "Dad is dangerous"), psychological harm can occur, complicating custody decisions.
If she used to have mental issues (border linepersonality disorder, violent, mood swing) such tatcis is even more probalblue as it requires being mentally sick. bc no normal mother would use the kids as bullet

NEVER met her anymore without recording or & witness. DOnt ask & dont tell her about recording.

regertsrus · 2025-02-01T20:03:22+00:00

Same happen to me but in reverse. I never withheld them from her but when the new umpteenth boytoy became abusive the kids did not want to be there. I took them while she had multiple false police reports and multiple false restaining order and violations out on me that i proved a lie. Cops and sherriffs would come here often and i always was nice but told them without a warrant no agent of state going to have access. Eventually i asked the kids to go back and watch over their mom. What your solution? Talk to the kids. If they say they want to go to you, then grab them however you can. If they are too young then you need to wait until they can verbalize "daddy we want to see you". The lack of a custody agreement has been a godsend for me. Now 3 years later i am considering taking custody as i now have enough to charge her with a slew of crazy stuff. My oldest is now considering not comming back there. You MUST contact your kids and find out what THEY want. If they are older than 8 imo its old enough for them to make decisions and cut out the court system entirely. It really depends on your kids. If they are ADAMANT they want you equally, then no agent of state will gain power over you. In this case time is on your side and your ability to persevere and be happy is paramount. I have had a very traumatic divorce from a pathlogical liar and cheat. My ability to convince the kids that agents of state are just after my money and dont give a dime about them was reinforced when they did nothing about the alienatiok i experienced, the boyfriend verbally abusing the kids and a slee of horrinle things. The only reason the kids are still there half the time is because they understand their mom loves them (i doubt that but would never say otherwise) and the boytoy is a risk to her. Dont follow my advice though. I am a blunt instrument and eventually the judge may not like me. I am at a place where the system can only punish me monetarily. They are powerless now to take my kids from me.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2025-02-01T20:00:05+00:00

She is doing it to establish precedent, because, believe me, she wants way more than 50/50, so she can put the screws to you for support.

47omek · 2025-02-01T18:36:48+00:00

Emergency custody orders hearing. Get 50/50. You have to show her NOW that you will not be bullied out of your parenting time.

Nothing will ever be done to a woman withholding custody from the father other than MAYBE ordering makeup time, so don't expect any traction from that angle. More importantly, improve your relationship with your children to the point that they're not as susceptible to your ex's manipulation and can just tell her "No" when she pushes the "don't want to see dad" angle in the future. Because you can be certain that she will.

And yes - absent a custody order you are absolutely within your rights to withhold the children from the mother and keep them 100% of the time. If there's an opportunity to pick them up early from school or an extracurricular and keep them, take it. After she's gone weeks without having the children she'll be alot more willing to sign a 50/50 custody order.

Unusual_University14 · 2025-02-01T17:27:24+00:00

1) What she intends is unknown... drama, trying to assert control, parental alienation...

2) Absent a custody order, not directly. It may be indirectly used if the judge has to write the custody agreement. If you're going to end up 50/50, it's not like you'll now get 70/30. You could try to get makeup time.

3) Don't. If you have two combative parents, it defaults to mom. If mom us causing problems and dad is trying to solve them calmly, you have an advantage.

Never wrestle with a pig; you both get dirty and the pig likes it.

Title	Children withheld from me
Author	Jamescovey
Upvotes	14
Comments	18
Date	February 1, 2025 4:46 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ifaex1/children_withheld_from_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/children-withheld-from-me.1542726 https://theredarchive.com/post/1542726

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