Collaborative Divorce

Rough-Area4765 · 2022-02-05T22:59:56+00:00

Ha! They all plan on a collaborative divorce and then it turns into mortal kombat. I started that way, once she found out she wasn’t going to get child support and only 50% of the assets…. She backstabbed me with domestics violence charges, got me kicked out of the house, withheld my kids and I was homeless.

My advice: get an attorney, file first, make the offer 50/50 right down the line all while you keep her thinking you want a collaborative divorce.

Record every single conversation, sleep in a separate room and do not move out.

Good luck.

oohtheyhateme · 2022-02-06T02:29:29+00:00

That file first part.

Sadly, after agreeing to 50/50 with me, I told my ex to get the paperwork and we will sit down at the table and fill it out. She agreed.

She chose to ignore the plan, moved out and began bar hopping with her toxic, dying to be a single mother, best friend. Entertained the men at her new job, even met up with one...a doctor, while bar hopping with her toxic bud on Thanksgiving (kids were with me).

She then gets a lawyer to "draft" the paperwork for "us" and after the 2nd time asking her what's the lawyer have to do with us filling paperwork, she continued to play dumb. I already knew what was up.

Upon asking a 3rd time what is taking so long for a lawyer to provide us with paperwork (she claimed the lawyer was because she wanted it to be done right, lol), she played dumb even further not knowing what's taking so long. When I get the drafted paperwork a month later, I was also slapped with a protection order and for the 1st time in our children's lives, I could not contact them for 5 days (luckily court happened swiftly). Paperwork was nothing but me getting 20.8% annual time and she literally listed out everything at my residence that was hers and what she didn't want, it had a monetary value on it. Of course each thing was priced out as if it were brand new, lol. Gifted items were priced out as well. A 5-year-old weathered patio table that was missing its umbrella and torn cushions was hit with a $400 value and even THAT was gifted to us when it was new. Our state operates with that "pay half to the other what the value is" nonsense. She claimed I needed to pay on things only because she didn't want them. My 55gal fish tank and credenza stand never interested her, so that was gifted to me, lol. Even tools gifted to a son from a father had a value tossed on it...that fired me up the most.

Also, even though she just landed a job that at the time paid $8 an hour more than I, we somehow earned the same in the paperwork, sheesh. Her personal debts were to be paid on by me and my debt (I just had one) was not even mentioned.

The protection order, I was told by her lawyer (we talked on the phone the day after I was served) that if I came in the next day and signed the paperwork as is, we wouldn't go in front of a judge for the TPO. I told her no dice. For one, she can't change what's already in motion and two, this convo just confirmed to me that the TPO was her idea. My ex and I, though we weren't on good terms, just came from a Disney trip with the kids 2 weeks prior to me being served (trip was planned and paid for before it all fell apart). The events that "happened" took place a month before the trip, but a woman fearing for her safety was able to drive with me next to her, sleep in the same suite with myself and our children and ride rides with our kids together. When the judge heard those facts, she dismissed the request swiftly. Sadly, my divorce judge was not as smart to pay attention to what was shared and no amount of bullshit dismissing and the proving of my abilities could extinguish my ex's bullshit that mentioned nothing positive about our children or her abilities as a mother. All she did was beat me down with stuff that wasn't even true, wanted our children to have even less time with their father and demanded money from me.

I could've filed first and be able to tell a different story, but all I kept thinking about is the day my children would come to me asking for the truth. I wanted to always secure my ability to look them in the eyes and let them know that dad didn't operate to ruin. Foolish in hindsight on some points, but my conscience remains clear. It's my frustrations dealing with a selfish female that keeps me bothered.

Sorry, I tend to rant in my posts, but my story contains a lot of details having lasted nearly 3 years because of a narc's emotions and their desire to control. 🙄

2022-02-11T01:13:35+00:00

My ex wife was actually pretty collaborative. She only asked for a wee bit more than what I was going to give her. Dealing with her father was another story.

If accounts are separate and finances are accounted for, it’s easy. I would create a tracker for expenses and split what’s necessary.

Cumhurinho · 2022-02-06T17:07:16+00:00

Be careful, mate.

I already see some good comments.

Most people don't realize the financial problems that might follow, especially when people divorce.

I have seen it many times, especially by women who can change their minds in one day and the husbands who don't know what is waiting for them.

Are you only married to her, or do you both have children?

pegleg_legal · 2022-02-07T01:25:26+00:00

Collaborative divorce means you both hire lawyers who cannot represent you when the case goes tits up, so you've disclosed a bunch of information that, while it would come out eventually, will be used against you from day 1. Plus you've spent a pretty penny on your lawyers. Collaborative law works when both parties are truly committed to a low or no-conflict separation. This means:

the divorce is no one's fault
no one is harboring ill will or resentment
there are no substantive disputes over any issues
there are no skeletons in anyone's closet

It's gimmicky in many ways but for the rare cases where it would truly fit, it works well.

Title	Collaborative Divorce
Author	Sentosa14
Upvotes	3
Comments	14
Date	February 5, 2022 10:32 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/sliosi/collaborative_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/collaborative-divorce.1099536 https://theredarchive.com/post/1099536

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