I contacted an attorney today to start filing for divorce. My wife and I have been married for 8 years and have 3 children together. Mid last year I discovered that she was having and affair and had been for roughly 3 months. It literally shocked me to the core because I never expected that from her. I’ve always treated her right and haven’t done anything as a father or husband to deserve that in anyway. When I met my wife she brought along issues from her past.(trust issues, self esteem etc), she also had an addiction to prescription pain medication that her ex had gotten her hooked on for a few years. I did have my work cut out for me but I helped her through all of it. I helped her detox from the addiction and she’s been clean for 8 years now( as far as I’m aware). I’ve provided for her and started a family with her. I’ve helped her get through her personal issues with herself and her family. I’ve pulled her out of deep states of depression and suicidal thoughts. I literally gave everything to this woman and turned her into a better version of herself just for her to do this to me. Before the affair I had never actually been depressed or doubted anything about myself. I have always been confident in almost everything I do. But since I’ve hit the lowest point I have ever felt I’ve actually contemplated suicide and depression has been crippling becauseI have no idea how to cope with any of this. I’ve been trying to reconcile for almost a year and I have in many ways gotten past everything. But my wife still holds on to the guilt and shame (so she says). She says that out of everyone she could have done this to she did it to the one person that never deserved it. She knows I’ve been an amazing husband and an amazing father but she doesn’t know what she wants or if she really wants to stay married. It’s to the point that I’m so confused about it that I’m planning to file for divorce. We have discussed it before and she has agreed to shared custody 50/50, no alimony and no child support. I can have anything I want in the house and she isn’t fighting me for it. Which is also confusing. She tells me she loves me and that she wants to stay married. But then again she doesn’t know how she feels. Wtf am I supposed to do with that? Shes currently staying at her parents house majority of the time and I have the kids. Should I go through with a divorce? Why is she acting like this? Any answers or insight would be greatly appreciated.