Dating

TatumsChannel · 2020-05-24T05:01:01+00:00

You’re going to have to find a gal that you like, that ALSO likes you, likes the same activities as you, has the same off time as you, doesn’t want a romantic relationship and doesn’t want sex or commitment. Like maybe ask,your sister? No, it’s not wrong, just a long shot.

Edit- you’re going to have to negotiate with her, that’s what divorce is- one long negotiation.

CoatedWinner · 2020-05-24T13:32:32+00:00

Dating during divorce can get messy since you are still legally married until the divorce is final. Even without sex you will have to worry about claims of infidelity which in some cases doesn't affect the outcome much but in other cases affects the outcome greatly. Im not a lawyer but really thats who you should consult with before doing something that potentially puts you at a disadvantage in court.

SpacemanLost · 2020-05-24T16:28:52+00:00

Don't. Just Don't. - at least not yet.

The reason is that it's almost certain to send your STBX into an absolute rage if she thinks it will eventually turn romantic. She may be fine with divorcing you, but it's almost certain that in her mind no other woman is allowed near you in that way, and to do is an affront to her somehow.

because she’s manipulative and a liar.

You have kids involved? She'll be screaming to the court that other women can't be around the kids because she is a danger to them, and it makes you a bad parent and you shouldn't get any custody.

You've already seen that she'll bend the truth to suit her whims and wants.

I want to meet and hang out with the opposite sex that share my interest or i can have fun with while hiking working out, etc. No sex or sexual relations. No commitments.

Now you are wanting not to jump in so fast, and rightly so - you are busy processing all the crap going on right now. But is your ex going to think that? she's going to be looking at through her 'what would I do?' lens, not yours. Again, with kids involved, you don't even want the appearance that there could be 'another woman' yet.

Fast forwarding to dating other women:

Until the ink (well, toner) is dry on your divorce decree you need to keep any dating/flirting/online chatting, etc on the down low - nobody needs to know, not your kids, not anyone who could possible let it slip to your soon to be ex wife. In fact, you should pretend to your ex that you are so burnt out from the last decade that you are 'taking a break' from even thinking about other women - let is slip in conversation and add that you're going to "focus on you" - get in better shape, maybe take that trip you always, wanted, etc, etc.. something, anything to deflect the idea in her mind that you are already working on "replacing her"

Many, many men here can chime in and verify that their exs had this strange idea that they still had some sort of hold on them and right to interfere in their lives and that you are not allowed to move on with your romantic life - or even just platonicaly - especially when they had kids together. You need to put her on an "information diet", and thrown in some misdirection to make her think you are slinking off in defeat to go live the life of a monk.

Also, with kids, even after the divorce is final, you have be ready for her reaction the day she hears through the kids that you are seeing other women. Other have said they are, but when push came to shove, they weren't. Consider things carefully.

Now, there are some ex's that will be cool with it and don't care that you are moving on and having other women friends around, but I don't think they are the majority - this is an emotional event they are going through.

Ptown59 · 2020-05-25T00:26:57+00:00

My advice is to not date for a while. I know the urge is there, but you’ll likely find you’re not ready. I met an awesome gal and it honestly could have been a great relationship, maybe even a new wife had I not met her while I was in the middle of my divorce.

After that short relationship, I didn’t start dating until a year after I had filed. I am now happily with someone I connect immensely with on an emotional and physical level. I encourage you to wait just a bit and find comfort in being both yourself 100% first. It really helped me. Best of luck.

Mechanical_Indian · 2020-05-24T07:45:23+00:00

How would you even be meeting people when a lot of things are shut down and people are keeping their distance?

LandOnMyFeet · 2020-05-24T11:29:29+00:00

Don’t look for that. Start flirting with anyone of attraction without the intention of getting together.

You’ll get that vibe.

Stay away from committing right now.

rmorlock · 2020-05-24T14:23:19+00:00

Only you can say if it is right or wrong for you. I'm two years post separation and I still have no intention of dating.

jazzy3113 · 2020-05-24T20:02:40+00:00

What’s the issue? You’re not with her anymore.

used2befast · 2020-05-25T12:30:14+00:00

I was in a similar situation as you. Married 12 years with 10 years of a dead bedroom with ZERO intimacy and physical attraction.

I met a woman 10 years younger than I about 4 months after she filed. I've had literally hundreds of opportunities during my marriage but withheld the temptations.

I will say that it is ABSOLUTELY refreshing to have a nice evening together. Chatting and laughing over dinner and wine. She knows completely about my situation and at first she held back a bit and was worried - things like "I'm still married" and " There are so many variables". I feel its also true that when you get back out there, should you meet a woman without children, we're viewed as having "baggage".

It's been very eye opening re-entering the dating world. A lot has changed from like 14 years ago. You also loose that mindset when actively trying to find women.

Title	Dating
Author	Bobfrom815
Upvotes	14
Comments	21
Date	May 24, 2020 4:46 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/gpjmpx/dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dating.818197 https://theredarchive.com/post/818197

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