2 kids, married 15 years, separated for a year or so. The kids are older now (young teen and older teen) and she seemingly wants to manipulate the children and "win them over" to her place so that she can get them full-time. She has told me that "the kids don't want to stay with you" (they have not said this to me) and in our county, it is VERY hard to get full-time custody.

As the title suggests, my ex-spouse is very passive-aggressive and has basically shut-down all communication with me regarding the kids. She prefers just to do things her way, or allow me to "do things my way"- and then undermine my initiatives if she doesn't like them (via the kids or just be completely passive). She does not support me on decisions and her first instinct is to just tell the kids that something is happening, and then inform me of it later.

I have called her out on it, offered to change my communication styles a bunch of times, but she has basically just shut-down communication, which I believe she is doing so she can continue to do "things her way" with as little effort from her as possible, and to continue to do end-arounds around me with the kids.

She is also pretty much not into holding the kids accountable, punishing them, and she is all about "having fun".

I would like to have a co-parenting relationship with her where we talk through issues, arrive at a conclusion, and then parent with the decision together, and she just isn't into that. She doesn't value proactivity, structure, team-work, consistency, or being honest/transparent (wonder why we are divorced LOL!)

Come to think of it, it was the same way when we were together, and I never figured it out then either. I had much more influence over the her and the kids then since we were all together.

Anyway, anybody have any tips on how to deal with such a backhanded ex-spouse?

thanks!