“Do not move from the house” legends

bkdad75 · 2024-09-09T13:44:19+00:00

I don't agree with this. There's way more to this than custody laws and money. If you move out of the family home, you probably won't be moving back in. Doubly so if you're the man. The parent who retains the family home will usually have a much easier time with the children. The leaver faces the stress of trying to establish a home the kids find appealing. The kids tend to subconsciously decide that the leaver was either the instigator or the one at fault, they can see it as a banishment or an abandonment.

Imagine yourself trying to establish a peaceful, welcoming home in some crappy rented apartment you got on short notice, while working full time and dealing with static from the ex. Doable, but damn, not easy. If she's got the home they've always known and you've got a smelly apartment full of shit from Ikea, she's got the edge. Imagine her coming at you with "the kids don't like it at your place and don't want to come, can they stay over here one more night?".

The very best decision I made during my divorce was making it crystal clear from the very start that she would be the one leaving. I'm lucky, and will be able to hang onto my home, but I think this probably helps even if you're going to end up selling it. The patterns established right after shit goes down tend to solidify quickly.

Sea_Emu_4259 · 2024-09-09T12:46:01+00:00

Once you move out of the house, your wife (or her lawyer) could use that move to their advantage. By leaving, you allow this:

Child custody:might unintentionally set a precedent where she claims primary custody of the child because she's still living with them. Lawyers can use this to argue that she should get more time with the child, which can affect your custody rights in the long term.
Extended Spouse support: Additionally, moving out could lead to the court requiring you to pay spousal support (marital assistance) since you're not sharing living expenses anymore. This could drag on the divorce process on purpose by her lawyer to milk you out while u bleed paying for another place to live.
staying in it: by staying in the home, you maintain equal access to your child. It makes it harder for her to claim full custody or to argue that you’re not involved enough.
Divorce incitation: Plus, living in the same space can push her to speed up the divorce process since, emotionally, she might not want to live together during that time.

-->staying put can give you leverage and control over how things unfold, including how much time you get to spend with your child and the financial arrangements. It's about not giving up your position too early. Only case you need to move out if you are at very high risk of bogus domestic violence accusation. Anyway only a judge can force you to move out.

No_Special379 · 2024-09-09T11:32:48+00:00

I think it's more of an issue if you've purchased a home that will be contested. You can be accused of abandoning the home / family. I'd stick it out and stay regardless - just to be safe

ageoffri · 2024-09-08T21:02:07+00:00

Find a better lawyer.

You're only issue is the single most important issue. The next area is change your mindset. Why aren't you the one who has to let your STBX see your kid? Why are you assuming she's in control?

The moment you leave without a judge signed parenting plan without your kid, you have lost all leverage. Then you are at the mercy of the court and your STBX, which is not a good place to be at.

Even staying there, don't be surprised with a false allegation that forces you out of the home.

Practical-Island-436 · 2024-09-08T19:39:55+00:00

You get a patenting plan or custody order in place before you move and then it's usually fine

Title	“Do not move from the house” legends
Author	Glittering-Spell-446
Upvotes	5
Comments	17
Date	September 8, 2024 4:21 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fc1nto/do_not_move_from_the_house_legends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/do-not-move-from-the-house-legends.1529820 https://theredarchive.com/post/1529820

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