Does it really get better?

kovz34 · 2019-10-01T16:09:25+00:00

I'm 12 months out from separation and received the final divorce decree in the mail a few weeks ago. I didn't want this either. 9 years together and 2 kids.

At the 10 month point, I decided to shake my life up. Started a new job, moved into a new house in a new part of town, sold the marital home, bought a new car, etc. I just needed a clean slate. If I was going to start over, I'm going do it all at once.

Things do get better. I found self-help audiobooks and podcasts to be very inspirational and motivating. I listened to them on my commute to and from work for 6 months straight with no radio. I also found a new church and reconciled my relationship with God. It helped me to find strength in a higher power.

Best advice I can give... just keep moving forward... one day at a time. You will have good days and bad days. But as time goes on, there will be more good than bad.

Stay strong and remember this too shall pass.

misdreavus79 · 2019-10-01T16:07:55+00:00

It does get better. And you’ll be a better person for it once it does.

rwp80 · 2019-10-01T17:19:20+00:00

If you left her, you probably did the right thing. No man leaves a marriage unless there's a damn good reasons to do so.

If she left you, then good... You don't want to be stuck with a woman that doesn't love or respect you.

You're better off without her. Yes it gets better. Get settled in your new place and regiment your lifestyle toward self-improvement. There are tons of self-improvement channels on youtube with great advice. Think of this as a second chance at being free and single again. You'll find yourself living a free life without arguments, etc. You'll be at peace with the world. Who knows, you might even end up with other casual/serious romantic involvements with better women.

The important thing is to always keep moving forward. Do not let yourself settle into a hum-drum life of nothing. Rev your engines, don't let them rust.

gonadi · 2019-10-01T17:31:41+00:00

It can get better but it’s up to you. The great part is, that you can be and do whatever you want right now. Dress how you want, eat what you want, watch what you want. During the first six months I wallowed. But then I started hiking, going to the gym, going out. Things got better. For me, one of the best things I did was go to the Library. It’s free, comfortable, all the books you could want and most of all, it’s not weird to be there alone. The best books I read were: “The subtle art of not giving a fuck” by Mark Manson “Models” by mark manson “Boundaries” by John Townsend

My formula isn’t perfect and I am by no means this perfectly healthy, post-divorce specimen. Buuuut, I am not in a dark place like I once was.

DM me if you ever want to bitch or vent or whatever. I had enough people listen to me whine, I feel like I owe it to the universe to listen now.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2019-10-01T18:50:59+00:00

Life on your own terms or life with a partner that wants you are really unparalleled if you’re in a low-functioning marriage. Sunrises are more beautiful, air is cleaner, and your kids notice every second that you appreciate life in a greater way.

lifeline8tango · 2019-10-01T20:37:13+00:00

There is light at the end of the tunnel. Things will improve. Take time to work on yourself, spend time on hobbies or take up a new hobby. I've been separated since July, final hearing Friday. We kept it uncontested for the kids, and while they are having difficulty adjusting, my stress level has plummeted. I've spent time with friends, hobbies, and started my final quarter at school (went back to get a history degree with my veterans benefits). It sucks, but life gets better if you let it and put some effort. After a few days being locked in a room crying, I decided to move on and not let the divorce define me or decide the rest of my life. Good luck.

TryToHelpPeople · 2019-10-01T18:23:53+00:00

Man, it gets better it really does. At this point you need to lean on friends and family, avoid your triggers (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) and just give yourself a break on stuff that can slide. When you can start actively building your new life.

When you’re done you’ll be stronger than you were before, and life will be better. And honestly, time with the kids will be higher quality.

Keep courage, it will be better than ok.

throwingit_all_away · 2019-10-01T23:01:26+00:00

It gets better when you want it to get better.

psychic_trauma · 2019-10-02T00:37:19+00:00

It gets better.

boonepii · 2019-10-04T21:13:37+00:00

I am at 4 years. It gets way better, just be careful of what I have dubbed the “replacement spouse syndrome “. It’s where you will meet some soon who seems just so perfect.

I had this but luckily I said something once and could see her reaction in a mirror. Instead of disagreeing as her face made it clear she disagreed with what I said, when she turned around she agreed, but I could tell she swallowed what she really wanted to say.

I figure loneliness is the worst part of the day to day when everything settles down, and she didn’t want to be lonely.

It does get better. The kids will be fine if you can just get along with the ex. Just don’t introduce anyone to them for a long time after dating.

Good luck!

Beastmodexxlsixty9 · 2019-10-01T17:19:14+00:00

I've made a few replies about divorce if you want to read them for hope!?

Title	Does it really get better?
Author	Udjebfk
Upvotes	7
Comments	12
Date	October 1, 2019 3:47 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/dbva5k/does_it_really_get_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/does-it-really-get-better.819171 https://theredarchive.com/post/819171

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