Finding a Divorce Lawyer

47omek · 2024-08-02T20:00:54+00:00

Take a day off work and go up to the courthouse and watch them in action on cattle call days. Find one that looks like they know what they're doing and get their card. Ideally you want one who has an office right next to the courthouse and knows all the movers and shakers. And since you found them at the courthouse you won't end up with one of those paper tiger attorneys who is actually afraid of going to court and will talk you into taking a bad deal to avoid going...

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2024-08-02T19:22:41+00:00

You should do consults with as many as you can, I only did three and should have done more.

Some questions to ask a lawyer you're looking to hire in no paticular order (question/my answer)

How often do your find your cases go to trial? [still have no idea]
How heavy is your case load? [so you know if you'll take a back seat]
How long do you take to respond to someone via email/phone? [my attorney isnt great about timely replies but i understand they have other clients]
When do i need to submit things? [i submitted fiscal BS three times before filing I should have waited until post filing and only when asked, every email/document was $$$ wasted]
How much (ball park) will this cost me? [was told 15-20USDk. Currently AT 25+USDk]
What is your rate/rate of staff? How will I be billed? Can i get on a payment plan? Do you bill by the minute/hour/15min blocks? [350/h 15min blocks. 600/h for court time].
How long will this take? [Was told it can vary but about 18-24mo, im at 22mo now]
WHEN do you take phone calls? In office or while you're on the road? Both? [My attorney would CLEARLY be driving when they would call me and it was annoying as they would forget things. I moved to email only or ASKING them when they are IN OFFICE for a call]

Get a whole new email if you can, one you know the other person does not have access to. You don't know where youre signed in/if they have passwords and all that. It just easier to start from scratch.

No quick questions - you need to gather up ALL your questions for one big email and have them look at it all at once. The time they take to answer one question they could do a few and it all costs the same. You need to ask your attorney what the hourly rate is and if they bill every 10, 15, 30 min ect. If your lawyer charges $400/hr and they do 15min mins.... thats $100 to answer ONE question. "Can I put my spouses media collection into a box in the basement?" "yes" boom, $100bucks.

Set up email filters for your lawyer and spouse to go into respective folders.
Turn off alerts if you want. I would rec turning off alerts for the spouse not your attorney. This way you dont see "ex name" pop up on your phone and, frankly, ruin your afternoon. Also you wont be tempted to read whatever it is.
Have a set time every week that is "Divorce BS time" - maybe from 6-7 on Tuesday and 12-1 on Saturday. READ THOSE EMAILS ONLY DURING THAT TIME.
Compose replies BUT DO NOT SEND. give it a day and go back and re-read it and tweak. For the lawyer: more questions and detail. For the spouse: less needless info and removing anything thats not related (i.e. emotional). Your lawyer has other clients and wont reply asap anyway so you can take time as well.
Anything you write to the spouse keep it SHORT and on point. Business like. No drama as quick replies can be emotionally charged. Pretend ANY email you send the spouse could have a judge looking at it or their attorney reading in court.
Dont engage in email/text battles - either with your attorney (just set up a call!) or the spouse (they will NEVER end well/solve anything). If they text you just reply with "that sounds important, send an email". You want the electronic trail.
Only provide materials (i.e. discovery documents/paperwork) WHEN ASKED and ONLY to YOUR LAWYER. Do not email things to your ex or to their lawyer. Do not pre-submit because if things take a long time its now out of date and you're submitting it again, all at $400/hr.

This knowledge comes at my expense of nearly 5-6k+ in wasted money via communication I should have slowed/batched. Add another 15k (so 20k+) in wasted money because I waited six months to file myself.

pk2at · 2024-08-02T18:30:55+00:00

Unless you have $10M+ in marital assets a divorce lawyer is usually a waste of money. All of them will give you the same 'shoot yourself in the foot advice', disclose all your assets and give her half, disclose your income and use a calculator for alimony etc. No one will give you advice on how to save more than 50% of your assets or pay no alimony. I would go DIY

techrmd3 · 2024-08-02T17:39:30+00:00

reading reviews is one way, but the problem is that they could be fake or inaccurate

a firm that has multiple attorneys and thus loads of good reviews is normally a good choice.

How I would interview an attorney if I were to do it again? (I would still hire the attorney I used he was great, except for dealing with ex after divorce, I had to hire a new firm for that)

I would call 10 or so firms that are WITHIN easy driving distance of my home AND the courthouse where my case will be litigated.

I would CALL not write, not message not instamessage, no facebook messenger, CALL like voice call using your VOICE. All the great firms I have worked with always have someone (IN THE OFFICE, not a call service, that answers the phone) [a great way to tell if you are talking to a real lawyer receptionist is to ASK hey does the office represent cases in courthouse X? (don't say county because any call center will be told to say YES even though they maybe have never tried a case there)]

Once you get someone on the PHONE to respond to you VERBALLY. Likely they will have to schedule you for an initial consultation. (the best firms will CHARGE for this usually 500 or so). If they don't charge for an initial phone consultation but they have to schedule you several days in advance, just offer to pay and they will schedule you like next day. [find TWO firms that you like and do an initial consult with them]

In the consult you should have questions that are specific to your situation. For example, you could ask "I have been married for 7 years what am I looking at for any spousal support/alimony". "I have X children what am I looking at for temp orders and final for child support?"

the answers to the above should be specific and legally derived, as in "you are probably looking at Y amount for Alimony, I had a case like yours that was 1k or whatever", make sure the lawyer cites specific past cases and details to display experience, ALSO ask about the specific courthouse and likely JUDGE you will be going up to in Family Court. The lawyer should be able to sketch out personality, demeanor in court, and if they are sympathetic to sob stories from poor women woefully in divorce court... filing for divorce, but not really so woeful. Ask about hourly charges, around 500 per hour seems to be norm in my area, more junior people in bigger firms may go with 300 or so. Depends.

After interviewing TWO firms settle on which one you want and get that firm under RETAINER it will likely be a deposit of 5-10k depending and the all take credit card.

Congratulations you have likely hired a great lawyer.

Get this done ASAP if you feel that you are racing your soon to be ex to the courthouse.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2024-08-02T17:14:07+00:00

Delay is usually not to your advantage if you are the breadwinner.

The type of your defense is largely dependent of what you stbx is like. But in any case you want a good local divorce attorney with significant trial experience. If your stbx is contentious you need to push for an earliest trial date you can get. If both parties are reasonable and realistic settlement usually can be achieved within 2-8 weeks. I have seen it happen but so many times if the husband is the breadwinner and there is a reasonably long marriage with significant assets and children the likelihood of contentious divorce greatly increases. They seem to be egged on by their friends and sometimes family. When that happens negotiations usually fail in trying to get an early settlement. The best strategy then is set it for trial at the earliest possible date because a looming trial date is a good incentive for settlement.

TechnicalAd5152 · 2024-08-02T11:50:15+00:00

Someone older whose pragmatic but also has trial experience, and someone who knows the system knows opposing counsels knows judges and how they rule.

My attorney in the beginning was very settlement focused until it was clear that my stbx is not a reasonable person and now he's a bulldog ready for trial, I didn't think he was a competitive guy until he won a few big hearing decisions then it was like oh wow this guy likes to win.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-08-02T09:02:29+00:00

They should be focused on divorce or solely practicing in divorce law, they should have trial experience but a settlement mindset. Interview not less than three, knowing that the first meeting is their sales pitch. You want someone that you can work with and will be an effective counter to your spouse's traits / lawyer, not just someone you like.

If you don't fight you can get out in well under 10k, if you fight over custody if you get out under 50k consider yourself among the lucky.

Title	Finding a Divorce Lawyer
Author	Active-Airline-9523
Upvotes	2
Comments	9
Date	August 2, 2024 3:45 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ei0chx/finding_a_divorce_lawyer/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/finding-a-divorce-lawyer.1526076 https://theredarchive.com/post/1526076

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