How do you calculate your parenting time with shared custody?

Adorable_FecalSpray · 2022-05-10T18:05:01+00:00

Only agree to give up any of your time if she provides you in writing that you get make up time.

Try to get your make up time in advance, before she takes her extra time.

Eve-3 · 2022-05-10T18:34:52+00:00

Next year they'll both fall on her days and she'll be expected to give them up with "nothing in return" because that's what you both agreed to in the custody agreement.

Gotta say, you have an unusual agreement if she got three extra days of custody for a one day holiday.

MedFu · 2022-05-11T02:11:43+00:00

It’ll even out in the end. Just take the L. It’s ok. You’ll get a Father’s Day here and there. Or thanksgiving extra. Or a birthday. Or spring break. It all evens out in the end.

Next time she asks for extra time repeat what she said to you. Maybe she will get the hint.

Truthfully she and I were both like this for a couple years and it’s awful. We both wised up and it’s a lot better now. If extra days work they work if they don’t they don’t. We both have shit to do without them too so we do a lot of shifting around to get the kids to maximum life enjoyment. It’s better now.

If you guys are still fresh it should get better too. Let this one go. And in a few months just be kind about an extra time event here and there and offer a trade or something.

But that said, even though we communicate and shift schedules really well now, neither of us try to get time back for holidays. They just kinda fall where they fall.

Truly, I never ask for the time back because I know it evens out in the end. She offers me some time extra which is nice because i have 40/60.

throwaway897656 · 2022-05-10T20:13:39+00:00

I'm in the exact same custody situation with my ex. I don't have any good news for you. The best advice is to try and negotiate make-up time in advance and hope for the best. This isn't what you want to hear because it's not what I wanted to hear, but it's about all that can be done.

nillinpendulum · 2022-05-10T21:47:28+00:00

My husband has the same kind of schedule as you it seems.

Exchange is every Friday, the parent getting time for their week picks up from school when it let's out, if no school then pick up from the other parents house or daycare if applicable.

Summer vacation is split months first half and second half of the month alternating odd and even Years who gets the first half.

His ex wife is insane and screams, attacks, causes a scene at exchanges so the fewer exchanges the better and we made sure that we never have to even see her except rare days there is no school. We get a week of uninterrupted time and so does she.

If there is a holiday that falls on the other parents time its specified in the parenting plan that holidays superced the regular schedule. No make up time. It's honestly weird to me to give make up time for a holiday. Make up time to me is for instance if something like weather, health, or family emergency, prevents the exchange from happening then whoever misse don't on time gets parenting time. Or if a parent has an event or plan and wants to switch time.

With how it's set up holidays will no matter what sometimes be on her time and she loses put on that. Same with my husbands time. It all adds up to still be 50/50 and like someone pointed on next year fathers day would be on her time.

It seems like a headache and extra unnecessary communication and issues.

That's my opinion though.

My husband went from having to force his ex wife to bring his kid back into the state we are in, to only phonecalls, to weekends to now 50% custody. She had sent the kid away while they were going through court and hid her out of state at her grandparents. Crazyness. When my husband had finally got a legal custody order for weekends every second mattered and he wanted make up time where ever he could get it. Now that he has her 50% of the time a couple days here and there for either parent just isn't a big deal. As long as he gets his time and his ex leaves him the hell alone he's happy lmao

I wouldn't stress about mothers day, imo you shouldn't get make up time, because that's a holiday specified for her to have that time. And again, there will be holidays on her time that she will have to give you your kid. And you shouldn't have to give her your other normal time to make up for it. Doesn't make sense

markeross · 2022-05-11T04:17:50+00:00

Some good advice here. In the end, it all goes back to the decree, and yes. It should even out. But absolutely expect her to try to by default take advantage of any positive gain for her, and be incredulous that you would either ever question her or try to make things even on your end.

Title	How do you calculate your parenting time with shared custody?
Author	Feinixaway
Upvotes	6
Comments	12
Date	May 10, 2022 5:53 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/umoju2/how_do_you_calculate_your_parenting_time_with/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-you-calculate-your-parenting-time-with.1114734 https://theredarchive.com/post/1114734

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