How long did the process take? What did you do to get through it?

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2021-03-17T20:46:43+00:00

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AirSailer · 2021-03-17T20:47:08+00:00

Mine took 702 days from filing to the judge signing the papers. It's been more than 3 months and I'm still living with her until the house mortgage is paid off, which I hope will be in the next 30 days. It is absolute hell, and my stress levels are through the roof. I'd love to hear some coping strategies that don't involve drugs, alcohol, or a bullet.

wonderboy_1 · 2021-03-17T20:54:46+00:00

Mine took six months. We didnt hire lawyers. We did the do it yourself divorce. Cost 400$. I had many assets while she had almost none. She asked for nothing and i gave her nothing. Granted we were only married four years

MartyMcFly7 · 2021-03-17T21:48:47+00:00

Mine has taken 18 months so far, and we're still living together. I asked for a court date to help move things along, but it's been a month-and-a-half and no word yet. I don't want to go to court, but it was the only way to force a settlement.

Some days are hell and I think about moving out. But then I think about how happy that would make her, and I know I have to stay. ;)

But seriously, I meditate. I put on some headphones, listen to some relaxing tunes, "step outside myself," analyze my current emotions, and consider where they're coming from and why. I then think about my actions and what I said or did that day, and what I could do better next time. The only things I control are my thoughts and actions. Every conflict is an opportunity to practice stoicism and prove to myself that I am in charge of my emotions.

I've been nice and I've been rude. While my stbxw doesn't deserve it, I find I'm personally happier with myself when I take the high road. I also have to remember that I'm setting an example for the kids. Not only am I showing them how to behave in a difficult situation, but they are observing our behaviors and making their own judgments.

And while this last one may sound strange -- and I don't want to downplay how difficult the situation is -- I remind myself that so many others have had it worse than I do. I'm not on the beach at Normandy, I'm in a cozy home with an annoying roommate. Millions of men have gone through this. I can get through this. I have A LOT to be grateful for. I will be a better person when this is over.

I know it sounds cliche, but this is the time to work on yourself. Don't let it break you. Meditate, exercise, get out of the house, visit with others, do whatever you enjoy, read or watch videos on dealing with the various challenges. You will get through it.

tomxray · 2021-03-18T02:44:18+00:00

Mine took over 2 years. To get through I just realized there was nothing I could do to speed things up so I rolled with it.

JohnnyMnemo · 2021-03-18T06:17:43+00:00

The best things I've done for myself, in order:

-going to the gym regularly. I now have the time to go almost 6 times a week, and it's legit the best part of my day.

-learning what I love to do, without consideration for how it impacts my partner. I've learned a lot about myself. Covid fucked that up for sure, but it fucked up the whole world so I don't want to cry about it. But the two years I was effectively single before that were some of my best times of life, and I never would have figured it out without getting divorced. I just hope to get back to it.

-The worst thing that I did was engage in random hookups. I left some crying gals in my wake, and for that I'm not proud.

sohumm · 2021-03-17T20:54:54+00:00

My wife and her attorney would not respond to emails or calls. (We are divorcing in California. I submitted all my financials 4 months ago. Married for 4 yrs.)

GrayCalf · 2021-03-18T05:25:53+00:00

I kicked her out mid-July, and we were divorced by the end of August.

I followed daily routines and kept busy with work for about six months after. I also spent a lot of time with friends and family.

The divorce was easy, but it was hard losing the person I had known and loved. Drugs and alcohol turned her into a monster, and then she was gone. I had nightmares over her disappearing for weeks.

I'm just thankful it all went down in 2019 and not 2020.

Title	How long did the process take? What did you do to get through it?
Author	No_more_BPD_2020
Upvotes	13
Comments	21
Date	March 17, 2021 8:44 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/m7a69t/how_long_did_the_process_take_what_did_you_do_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-long-did-the-process-take-what-did-you-do-to.1190984 https://theredarchive.com/post/1190984

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