About 2 years into seperation with my ex at this point and recently I'm really struggling, I feel so depressed.

I feel like what's the point of me I'm so ugly, pathetic and worthless and I've lost the only person in the world I've ever loved and been loved by and she is going to find someone rich and handsome and better than me in every single way to spend the rest of her life with whilst I live in lonely, ugly, miserableness.

I don't even understand why I miss this person nevermind still love her she lied, deieved, manipulated me and cheated on me with so many people and kept it all from me for years and years. Even when she told me she still wasn't honest instead choosing to trickle truth me revealing more and more to me each time she did this is caused such deep trauma for me it was devastating each time. She controlled me, cut me off from friends and family, stopped me doing the things I previously used to love doing, physically assaulted me on a number of occasions. She accused me constantly of things I hadn't done mostly cheating and looking back now it makes it even more painful that she constantly accused me of cheating when it was her doing that. After we seperated she then accused me of controlling her which was looked into and dropped as they saw through her lies. She has tried to cut me off from my child and severely restricted my time with my child.

I hate her but love her at the same time, i miss her but don't and I feel like utter shit all the time. I will never love someone again nor will I ever be loved by anyone again not that I can ever trust another person again after everything she's done regardless I'm too ugly, worthless, pathetic for someone else to even like me anyway so it doesn't matter but at the same time I'm miserable lonely and scared I'm going to die alone.

Still fighting to see my child which has been ongoing for such a long time now, I'm tired, fed up, lonely, miserable, depressed, hate life and myself.

I've been in therapy for ages but still I'm just a pathetic loser who other than working and seeing my child has nothing going on in my pathetic, lonely, depressing, miserable, unlovable, ugly existence and yes I am on medication as well. ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​