I finally took some action

upvotersfortruth · 2024-03-30T03:09:46+00:00

A busy lawyer is an indication of a good lawyer sometimes. Not too long, and good to prepare to make the best use of your time. No matter what, you should meet at least 3. Remember, they're trying to sell you their services. You need someone you can work with and who can contend with your stbx, not someone you necessarily like or who will be your therapist.
No. Absolutely not.
No. Absoutely not.
Not yet. Wait until you have a well-developed plan and are ready to file. From what I've seen, the most likely response will be "it's about time".
Seek professional advice. Beware of the men on here who will tell you to tell the kid mom was cheating and reveal the "whole truth". That's bullshit and will futher damage your kid.

Good luck.

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-03-29T18:34:22+00:00

I'm going to give you feedback from one dad to another like we were in the same lockerroom.

You sound like a whiney child talking about how you have to take care of your house, your dogs and the bills. You need to ditch the "woe is me" attitude and trying to garner sympathy. Leave that to women. You're a man. Embrace your nature. Problems don't get easier to solve as you get older, you get better at problem solving.

You're on the right track with finally getting this over with. You bring the attorney the documents, emails, photos, etc that were asked for.

Maintain radio silence. Remember those WW2 posters that said "Loose lips sink ships"? It's like that. You don't say a damn thing to her about divorce.

Whatever you are doing to keep tabs on your STBX needs to stop. If you're connected with her on Instagram, Facebook, etc then you need to unfriend her. Nothing good comes from snooping on her. In terms of other men she's seeing, you need to stop thinking about it. You can't control her behavior. You can only control your reaction to her behavior. That's Stoicism 101.

The only reason you should care if her family helps her financially is if you can use it against her as "in-kind contributions" when determining support numbers. Stop caring what your family or anyone else thinks.

Kids are smarter than you think. You've been separated for 1.5 years. She already knows. But you should have a conversation with her using age-appropriate language. When my kids were 7 and 11, this is what I told them:

We will still be a family, but not all families live together. We loved each other very much in the beginning and wanted to make our family always be together. But we were wrong. We’ve made some mistakes and haven’t treated each other the right way. We’re going to live in different houses. And we think we’ll be better parents because then you won’t have to hear us arguing with each other.

You didn't cause the divorce. There is nothing to you can do to make it better. Parents don't fall out of love with their kids, like they can with a spouse. Your dad will always be your dad. Your mom will always be your mom. There is nothing you can do to make me stop being your dad, or to make your mom stop being your mom. We will love you forever and ever. We just won't be doing it in the same house. Though we'll be living apart, we’ll still take care of you together.

captainchippsixx · 2024-03-29T18:27:36+00:00

Call more lawyers and consult. Don’t show her shit. Wait for lawyer. Don’t contact anyone for now.

In laws you should tell now. She has probably already told some shit sandwich of a story.
Be vague but say she is a cheater.

Probably should talk to a counselor about your child.

upandatom85 · 2024-03-29T18:20:18+00:00

This is a copy pasta I share with everyone who needs it. Most of this will apply to you. If you think part of it does not apply just wait a bit... this is what is known as the list. Feel free to add to it. It will only help others.

Don't drink. It'll only hurt the situation. Trust me. You need to stay calm drinking will not help with this.

Do not lose your temper. If you do not stay calm you will lose. She wants you to get upset. She wants to be able to call the cops on you.

You can be darn sure she is going to try to get an EPO (emergency protection order) against you. All she has to say is there is escalating behavior and she is afraid for her life and boom. It'll cost you 10k minimum to fight it and have it thrown out.

Give your firearms to someone so she can't say that you threatened her. She may try to have your firearms taken away. It is difficult to get them back from the police.

Record every conversation and prepare for false domestic violence accusations (CUBE ACR records calls automatically and can also record on your phone in the background. Its free in the app store). Check your local laws regarding recording. An illegal recording proving you innocent is better than none at all.

She will try to provoke you to get you to say things to use against you. STAY CALM! RECORD EVERYTHING!

Lift heavy weights.

Walk. Daily.

Learn to meditate.

Get therapy. Honestly, it will help. No matter how tough you think you are we can all use a little help.

Change all passwords. INCLUDING YOUR PHONE! Mutual or not. Be sure she does not have access to your accounts of any sort. Get a new credit card. Fully separate finances. Figure out what you still need to pay and what is her fucking problem now.

She will try to clean out your account and will take anything she is able to. You need to prevent that. Chances are she is way ahead of you on this.

Secure important paperwork including tax information and anything she can use against you in a safe location.

She's 10 steps ahead of you. She's already told her friends/family/attorney. She's got big plans for your money and property.

She will try to get you out of the house. Do not leave your home! If she wants to end the relationship she can leave. If you are gone from the home she will claim abandonment and keep rights to the home.

Document every fucking thing. Keep a notebook in your phone(New safe password). Record interactions and important notes. Record all interactions. Women lie! Sucks, but it's true.

She will try to rewrite history. Things that happened will not have happened. What was said or done will not be the same as reality. This is called GASLIGHTING. Look it up and understand it! She will make you question your grip on reality. She will rewrite your history to make you the bad guy in her story, to justify what she is currently doing to you and what she has done to you.

If you're wondering if you need a lawyer then you needed one last month. Lawyers suck and are expensive. Get a good one.

Research GREY ROCK/180 METHOD, then implement It.

Research MONKEY BRANCHING and understand the female imperative. If she's leaving you she probably already has someone else. Sorry.

Research and understand BRIFFAULTS LAW.

Research and understand the LIGHT SWITCH EFFECT.

Research and understand DARVO TACTICS.

Look up FEMALIE SOLIPSISM.

This is a catch all list. It may or may not completely apply to you. Most of it will I'm sure. Good luck. Stay strong.

Books: the first one is a Canadian book!

-Surviving your divorce by Michael Cochrane

https://www.google.com/search?gs_ssp=eJzj4tFP1zc0Sso1K8tOMjdg9BIrLi0qyyzLzEtXqMwvLVJIySzLL0pOBQDu5g03&q=surviving+your+divorce&oq=surviving+your+&aqs=chrome.1.0i355i512j46i512j69i57j0i512j46i512l3j0i512j46i512.7999j1j4&client=ms-android-rogers-ca-revc&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8

NO MORE MR NICE GUY is a book you should read.

If she cheated.... check out LEAVE A CHEATER GAIN A LIFE. And/or CHEATING IN A NUTSHELL.

If anyone has any advice or info they would like to add to "the list" please let me know.

pikohina · 2024-03-29T17:58:38+00:00

So you’re ready to serve her divorce papers? Good. I wish my stbx and I did this at your age. There are very specific things you need to do, the list is commonly posted in this sub but main things include: make sure your acct is separate, do not say anything more to her except about kids, do not talk to inlaws, not sure about crying kid, so sorry you have to deal with that. Take care of yourself: lift weights, eat well, no or severely limit drinking, read/listen to books suggested in this sub. Lawyer wants to wait 2 weeks? Nah, talk asap. It’s go time.

My wife served me, I never wanted divorce bc it’s “bad”. I’m glad now, we were also loveless forever, stayed for kid. Your kids will be very ok.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-03-29T17:53:49+00:00

Good for you. As difficult as it is, I would recommend not touching on the cheating and don’t contact AP’s partner at least until your divorce is finalized. You want to get a fair deal done as quickly and cheaply as possible - Accusing her of cheating and causing issues with AP’s is a sure fire way to a highly contested and extremely costly divorce. You’ll find out just like I did how quickly you can blow through a retainer and start paying $400/hr which hurts.

This is a business deal now, take the high road and don’t do anything that could set her off. Once everything is finalized do what you want.

Title	I finally took some action
Author	tigerman7777
Upvotes	11
Comments	13
Date	March 29, 2024 5:28 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1bquyb6/i_finally_took_some_action/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-finally-took-some-action.1513583 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513583

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