I love my wife, everything about her. I loved her personality, her hair, looks, attitude, the two beautiful children she gave me. I worked as hard as I could thinking as long as I could provide financially, that we would make it okay. There was so much trauma that she helped me through. The passing of my mother, my aunt, and brother. Legal issues with my sister. So many things.

We've been separated a year and I asked her to come by last night. We're getting close to an agreement, but I'm fighting and running. I never wanted a divorce or any of this, I want my family and my children in the home she picked out. Last night was emotional, and I really needed someone last night. She started begging me to just sign the agreement so it can be over. That she'll never be able to love anyone again, that her mom doesn't even want anything to do with her anymore. That I'm the reason she started and quit drinking. That she doesn't know who she is anymore because of me. If we didn't have two children, I don't think I'd be here. This last year has been awful and we have been anything but amicable.

I'm feeling hopeless in that I know there isn't a path back to my family, though that's what my heart craves more than anything. She can't bring herself to say that she wants the divorce, but only that there is too much trauma to work through. I'd love to start over, to hell with what everyone else thinks. That's my wife. But I'm coming to realize the only real option I have is to let her go. And to be honest, I'm terrified.