I’m so close

Ashamed_Item_9668 · 2025-04-10T21:03:13+00:00

I know exactly how you feel. I'm 40 and we've been married almost 18 years. I'm fucking miserable here and we're pretty much only together because of our kids, my stepdaughter is 19 and my son is 8. I pretty much raised my daughter since she was 10 months old because her biological father is a deadbeat. I have a good paying job but it's just very stressful. I'm pretty much a high functioning alcoholic but I hide it pretty well from most of my family and my coworkers. I just feel like I've lost my will to live, like every single day I wake up is just completely exhausting.

whoisgodiam · 2025-04-10T06:24:29+00:00

RUN AND NEVER MARRY AGAIN.

wparo · 2025-04-09T18:26:58+00:00

Do What's best for the kid

yeldellmedia · 2025-04-09T17:04:45+00:00

Bro ive been there. Just lawyer up and rip the band aid off.. there will never be a perfect time…. But meanwhile every day you live in misery is ticking against your clock

hazalo9 · 2025-04-09T16:59:30+00:00

This is a major decision in all 4 of your lives. Try to find out why you are feeling unhappy. Start seeing a male therapist that would help you understand. Just be clear on if you want to continue the relationship. Hopefully it can be fixed for the sake of your children. Work on yourself before you risk doing something you can't take back. It may be you both need a little help. Good luck and hope it all goes well bro!

DeepAnt8165 · 2025-04-09T16:53:14+00:00

I'm in a very similar situation like yours, it takes a while to get the strength to tell yourself: enough is enough without being upset. I hope you and everyone being unhappy in a toxic relationship find the strength to leave now and for good.

realnullvibes · 2025-04-09T13:52:20+00:00

Try to assess who your wife *really* is before having that conversation. At a minimum, have a free consult with a lawyer first. After the words are said, they can't be taken back, and you should prepare yourself. You *will* see a completely different person; manipulation that you could not have imagined, and a rage that cannot/will-not be quenched. Prepare for EVERYTHING to be used as a weapon against you; money, kids, religion, medical issues, vehicles, house, friends, family, ev-er-y-thing. She will seek (bad) advice from anyone she can.

Like others, I was a complete wuss/dumbass about it, too, and made ALL THE MISTAKES. I made a bad situation 100x worse. Believe me, OP, things CAN get much, much worse. Be smart, and get those free lawyer consults before saying/doing anything. Don't make my mistakes! Having "the talk" before filing led to her *immediately* charging $30k of cc debt for me to pay, and that is just the tip of the iceberg. Re-read the last line of para 1 again. Everything will be a weapon.

Fit_Size6756 · 2025-04-09T12:48:36+00:00

I'm in the process of starting to lawyer up quietly and such. I haven't reached the point of no return yet ... but I feel you. It's really hard to have that convo because good guys like us have endless amounts of hope or willingness to stick through it for the kids.

I hope we both have the courage one day to do what is right for us.... the kids will prosper with a happier father.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-04-09T09:14:19+00:00

If you want to save the marriage then get into counseling and have the hard conversations.

If not, I promise you your kids feel the tension as well. Think of the example you're setting for them. Would you want your kids to be in marriages like yours?

Zealousideal-Fall56 · 2025-04-09T04:20:16+00:00

I feel the same brother. My daughter is 5 and I have a son who my wife is 5 months pregnant with. It will be better for you and your kids rest asurred. Nothing great was ever attained easily. This is just another trial of your will and perseverance that will emd in your freedom and happiness to be persued once more without being condemned to misery stuck with no recourse to be found. You and your kids are in my prayers. Good luck bro.

Equal-Morning9480 · 2025-04-09T02:12:24+00:00

How bad are you going to get banged up? How much money are you going to owe her and how long will you have to pay? Do you make more money than her? Does she make more money than you?

Smooth_Connection_14 · 2025-04-09T01:38:41+00:00

I was in a similar situation however we were married for 10 years. It took me a long time to get the guts which if I'm being honest I was wuss about it. I knew like you probably know, barren sex life, feeling unappreciated, besides the companionship you really prefer to be alone. Do something before you've wasted more of your life, maybe even starting with counseling which I screwed up because we did it freshly after a short seperation so things were great of course. Do it while your miserable so you can tell each other how you feel. But on the other side f you feel there is just no recovering from this then drop the bomb and see what happens.

grabberblue_5oh · 2025-04-09T01:37:34+00:00

She knows it isn’t good it hasn’t been for a long time

Confident-Crawdad · 2025-04-09T01:28:53+00:00

Have you had a sit-down with her? Clearly stating your situation and needs.

Absent abuse, nobody deserves to be blindsided

Title	I’m so close
Author	grabberblue_5oh
Upvotes	21
Comments	17
Date	April 9, 2025 1:20 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1jutzqn/im_so_close/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/im-so-close.1549008 https://theredarchive.com/post/1549008

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