Is it time to split?

Gattsama · 2023-01-30T05:15:10+00:00

No one can tell you what to do. But the fact that you can't trust her is huge. This is only thr stuff you know about and have caught. And every time she gets caught she just tries to lie better. You say it's been going on for years so no likely to ever change.

You might ask her if she trusts you enough to have you have FULL control of all financials, and place her on a controlled and monitored allowance. Understand two things though, her saying no is her saying she doesn't trust you and wants to & will continue to spend. And her saying yes doesn't mean there are more skeletons to discover later.

The real question is can you build a life with someone that will repeatly and routinely lie to your face, plot and hide their actions and not ask for the help from their partner??

No-Blackberry7887 · 2023-01-30T08:36:07+00:00

Maybe she is already checked out of the marriage and is funding her exit?

junkmailbox121 · 2023-01-30T05:40:55+00:00

With all that spending and lying, has she crossed your red line or are you willing to give a few more feet until she crosses it? If this spending is the only fault you see in her then maybe give her one more chance but let her know, in writing, it's her last chance and if you find out she's hiding more then divorce her. This way you can show that you tried to save the marriage and it wasn't a rash decision to divorce.

You have to protect yourself also because any debts she has, you may be liable for half when divorcing. In the end, it doesn't matter who's credit card things were purchased on it can be counted as marital debt so if you find her hiding even a dollar of purchases, you need to end it. It's not the amount that matters but for the principle that she's hiding things from you.

Research some attorneys in case it's time to call it quits.

toooldforthisnonsens · 2023-01-30T05:45:00+00:00

How much damage are you willing to allow her to do to your attempts to secure you financial future?

One penny spent in secret (I'm not talking about spending money on gifts that should be secret, or whatever) is one penny too much for me.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-01-30T10:34:50+00:00

> This was her own money

No such thing. Just like the debt, it's marital not separate.

> So, time to split?

You have two options: Gain control of the treasury, or divorce. Here's how to gain control of the treasury: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/588e5o/gain_control_of_the_treasury/

bigtallblacknbald · 2023-01-30T18:08:13+00:00

I’m kind of confused. Do you do joint finances or separate?

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-01-31T08:04:05+00:00

If she is not cheating and it's only the spending issues I would try and get that under control before you decide to divorce or not

Seemedlikefun · 2023-01-31T18:08:34+00:00

"Her own money"???? Uh, No! The question is that obviously this behavior is a symptom of an issue that hasn't been addressed. Possibly some type of trauma or personality disorder. It's shit or get off of the pot time, because at the 10 year mark, a whole different set of rules may apply to spousal support. Her family is not on your side if they helped hide her actions. Trauma never stops, the behaviors change over time and it usually takes even more, to recognize the new manifestations. You don't have time!

vector5633 · 2023-02-01T15:50:34+00:00

If she's hiding shit on you. It most likely means she has divorce in mind and is positioning and planning to file. If I were you, get your shit together FAST and file before her.

Once you can't trust them, it's a wrap!

Title	Is it time to split?
Author	seeking_answersx
Upvotes	5
Comments	13
Date	January 30, 2023 5:07 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/10otey4/is_it_time_to_split/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/is-it-time-to-split.1150730 https://theredarchive.com/post/1150730

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