Is joint legal/physical custody real?

cschoonmaker · 2022-05-24T22:58:39+00:00

I had 50/50 to start both legal and physical. It's more like 95/5 the last 2 years in my favor. At least it was until my son turned 18 last Friday. There is no reason why a father shouldn't get 50/50 custody absent any real evidence of abuse/neglect (not just mom saying so).

lordgoofus1 · 2022-05-25T00:16:07+00:00

If there's no abuse involved, 50/50 should be your hard line in the sand. Just be mentally prepared for the shenanigans and games that she'll potentially play. I thought I was... turns out I wasn't. Unless you're one of the lucky ones, divorce is going to put huge pressure on your mental (and eventually financial) health.

Depending on your STXBWs true nature, there may be complete curve-balls thrown at you:

False allegations of verbal abuse are very common. It's easy to claim, there tends to be a bias towards believing the accuser, and it can be hard to prove the absence of verbal abuse.
Allegations that you're unable to parent your child (nit picking things that you don't do exactly the way she wants/expects, or those times you forgot to pack a jumper in the kids bag etc)
General behaviour that's designed to try to make kiddo overly attached to mum to make it easier for her to argue that there'd be too much separation anxiety if kiddo was away from her for too long. Going hand in hand with this, actions designed to reduce your time with kiddo, most of it very passive aggressive and impossible to prove in court.

treborcj · 2022-05-24T22:18:01+00:00

I have 50/50, so yes it's true. Don't settle for less. That does not mean she gets the week and you have eow. Half the time with you and half for your ex.

Is your son a baby?

mehmench · 2022-05-24T22:32:00+00:00

I have 50/50.

Join physical and legal, meaning 50/50 doesn't make you a weekend dad - it means you have your kid 50% of the time. That can be a number of schedules (2-2-3, 7-7, 3-4-4, etc).

Eve-3 · 2022-05-25T07:55:05+00:00

Most of the guys here are fighting for 50/50, which is considerably more time than what you are dreaming of. 50/50 is literally half the days. 7 with your ex, 7 with you, broken up into different arrangements depending on your situation but still 7 out of 14 days.

What you are describing is everyone's worst case scenario. Every other weekend and one evening is the standard default some places if you did nothing wrong (abuse etc). Some states are stricter than others, but none (that I've heard of) are stricter than this.

So if you fight for it, or just live in a good state, you can have even more than two days a week.

Good luck. I hope you find your happiness and the road to it isn't too difficult.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-05-25T12:27:28+00:00

> I'd get the weekend, plus one weekday night

That's every-other-weekend and a mid-week dinner, which is the minimum parenting time.

Fathers are not second class parents. Mothers don't have some super parenting power. The reason fathers get less time with kids than mothers:

Status quo is the greatest bias of the court. If you've spent years delegating all of the caregiving to your wife, the court isn't going to change that.
Fathers fall on their swords. For every man screwed by the system, 100 men screw themselves.

If you want 50% parenting time, then make it your hill to die on. I did, and I got it in a state where the court doesn't award equal parenting time.

Title	Is joint legal/physical custody real?
Author	kellyleaklives
Upvotes	3
Comments	14
Date	May 24, 2022 10:10 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ux2gua/is_joint_legalphysical_custody_real/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/is-joint-legalphysical-custody-real.1118673 https://theredarchive.com/post/1118673

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