Hello Gentlemen, it's been a little over a week since my wife told me she wants to separate. This sub has already been a valuable resource for me and I'm glad you are all here sharing advice and support.

She wants to "do this all on our own" and acted shocked when I told her it might be wise for both of us to consult with an attorney, even if we agree that mediation is the preferred route. I dug a little deeper into her thoughts and it turns out she already has a plan for how this should all go, including how custody of our 2 children will work and how much money she will need from me every month and how much I should have left for myself.

Much of her "plan" directly contradicts the advice I've read here including me moving out while she lives in our home once it is put on the market. I haven't consulted with my attorney yet, but I feel pretty confident that I made the right decision in seeking professional help even though in her mind it has somehow escalated the situation.

I know you guys aren't mind readers and don't know any specifics of our relationship, but is this a common occurrence? Wanting to keep lawyers out of the picture to keep things civil?

I have spent so many years trying to make her happy, which is likely why I'm in this mess, it's hard to shake off the negative feelings of pissing her off. Standing up for myself is definitely a skill I am going to have to relearn.

Thanks for any input, just trying to make sense of things right now.