lonely

Gattsama · 2023-03-06T11:24:10+00:00

Sorry you are going through the BS and drama brother. Don't know your story, if there are kids, etc. But here's some general advice. Start working out, and regularly. If sleep is also disturbed, consider a 24hr gym. The goal is to work out regularly even when you don't feel like it. Part of a new routine. This does several things.

Fights depression and is a mood stabilizer. Exercise is as good or better than anti depressants/SSRIs.

It's a distraction. Something to take your mind off the past and the fear of the future.

It improves your health. Not just physical but also emotional and mental.

It's something you control and encourages discipline. You need to take control of your life and day.

Therapy can help. So can studying stoic philosophy (do a few youtube searches).

Alatornio · 2023-03-06T13:52:27+00:00

I have embraced singlehood. It took me a while to figure out there are lots of positives to being alone.

Since I have a child, I am happy with what I have.

I have never been in a loving relationship, so I don't know what I am missing.

brianinmaine · 2023-03-06T17:25:31+00:00

I found found great joy going to meetup groups in my area. I love board games and there are 2 different groups. The groups are both very welcoming to new people, just sit down and learn and play new games. There are lots of other groups around, search the web. My groups aren't about finding dates, rather just being together with people that enjoy the same things. It has greatly enhanced my life.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-03-06T18:20:26+00:00

You’re going to spend about 85 years with yourself. Learn to enjoy spending time alone. If are you lonely when you are alone, you are in bad company.

Don’t get into a future relationship if you aren’t comfortable living alone. You must become independent before you can become interdependent.

DCnative2020 · 2023-03-06T20:12:26+00:00

nights and weekends that I did not have my kids were the worst. I am 2 years divorced. You either just have to get used to it, or make some friends or hit the gym. People will say take hobbies and I did , but it was just depressing doing stuff alone. So I gave up on hobbies. Mostly hit the gym and cooking healthier meals, and taking walks or small trips on the weekends. Did this for 2 years and found a great GF and now my schedule is packed just with work, kids on weekends, and time spent with GF, and gym.

It gets better with time, 2 months is very new so hang in there.

Cheese2012 · 2023-03-06T11:21:13+00:00

Besides the usual advice of exercise, exercise and more exercise I like to watch shitty films on an evening. TV shows take up too much time and quality films require concentration. Watching complete tosh is perfect for me when the feelings kick in. 2 months in is still very early days. Give it time

smooth-vegetable-936 · 2023-03-07T05:13:32+00:00

I’m struggling too. I’ve been drinking way more and often driving while I’m drunk and crying. I have two daughters and wife is completely leaving them. I’m not sure how to work and take care of them without asking my mon for help. Even though I don’t want to ask her for help but I have no choice. Been married for 14 years and she wants a divorce. I’ve filed already. But I think just working out complete a hobby of urs. For me when this is over, I’ll head back to the gym and get my Somm certification for my hobby. But this is a struggle and a new page must be turned.

Feinixaway · 2023-03-07T15:22:18+00:00

Try meetup.com, I met a lot of cool people there.

Loneliness at first is hard but having time to yourself is a blessing. I enjoy so many new things and try things my ex hated.

Xan-Diesel · 2023-03-10T17:13:40+00:00

This was crushing for me at the beginning. It felt like it all happened so quickly I really didn't have time to absorb it all. I went from the discovery phase (found out about her affair) to moving to a new place (unrelated but good or bad timing, depending on perspective), to separation all within a month or so. By the time she bailed and we were on our one week with / one week without schedule I was still trying to understand what my life was like without her - let alone without my kids.

Sitting in a new, empty place - completely by myself - was sad and difficult. The silence was absolutely deafening. It gave me a lot of time to think and be present and figure out what I wanted. I eventually got there and you will, too. I'm still lonely but that's just a state of mind. I wasn't lonely when I was with my ex-girlfriend a couple of years ago and I won't be in the future. It's important to be comfortable being alone. I feel fortunate to be surrounded by people that love me and want me around and yet I'm still "lonely" because what I crave is the romantic and emotional intimacy outside of friendship.

Like others have mentioned: stoicism is a great path and will help you be comfortable being alone, but these things don't have to be mutually exclusive.

S4z3r4c · 2023-03-06T17:51:44+00:00

Go to the gym

Title	lonely
Author	Icy_Perspective_9942
Upvotes	15
Comments	28
Date	March 6, 2023 8:37 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/11jt58r/lonely/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/lonely.1154288 https://theredarchive.com/post/1154288

Comments