Losing Hope

AirSailer · 2023-02-11T01:32:20+00:00

During divorce mediation my ex asked for 26 years of alimony (on top of child support), on a 10 year marriage. Unfortunately that was so far out of the realistic range of expectations that meeting half-way was effectively impossible. After trying for years to reach an agreement my lawyer and I gave up and requested a hearing date. Can you not do the same thing? Let the judge decide?

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-02-11T10:34:50+00:00

Life doesn't get easier as you get older, you get better at solving problems. I'm guessing you're about 40. I divorced five years ago in my late 40s, and I'm making 40% more income today. Pain is a huge catalyst for change, use it to create a better life. Suffer the pain of discipline rather than the pain of regret. Divorce is a hell of a motivator for leveling up in your career.

CaliDude75 · 2023-02-11T00:47:18+00:00

Sorry you had a contentious legal fight. Thankfully, I settled with my ex fairly quickly. My settlement offer was maybe overly generous, but I made that choice deliberately because I didn’t want a long, drawn-out fight. I am at peace with the settlement and judgment, but will be glad when my obligation is completed.

First-Ad-9485 · 2023-02-11T06:53:21+00:00

Keep fighting the good fight man. Your almost there. I was just in your shoes 6 months ago. The one thing that changed was open mediation prior to temporary orders. She had no reason to fight for me to only have every other weekend. I gave a fair offer of she can have the kids mon-wed and I would get thurs-Friday and we we alternated Sat afternoon and Sunday. She declined in open mediation.. which made her look bad. I had expressed to the mediator that I want what’s fair and that dragging the kids through this is only causing more harm and that I would pay whatever the calculated child support was. She ended up coming back and negotiating and it ended well. I still have nothing to my name BUT I have my kids and now am making more then I have ever made. I don’t know your situation but keep your head up, go to the gym, and vent to close family or friends when you need to get it off your chest.

JonathanApple · 2023-02-11T15:52:22+00:00

No good news mate, but I'm right there with you. We got this (somehow).

JD-Anderson · 2023-02-12T01:46:27+00:00

Just finished trial where the GAL had decided for the mom a few months ago. I’ve been taunted and teased by the ex since, knowing she would win in trial 100%. To tell you the truth, I figured she would win too because the judge wouldn’t recognize her horrible shitty behavior. But I was gonna see it to the end, and I did. The judge completely laid into her and embarrassed her and her family. I won everything, and it still hasn’t fully hit me yet, I’m still in shock.

It did cost me a lot financially, physically, and emotionally. I am just starting to heal from all this emotionally. But I went to trial expecting to lose, she expected to win, and now I’m dealing with an unexpected huge win and she’s dealing with a huge loss. Just keep your head down and keep pressing hard. Trust me, I know what you are going through, and there is a beautiful other side.

EternalFeather5 · 2023-02-11T01:53:11+00:00

For me, for the final 2 years of living with my ex, she made my life a living hell. I wasn't able to do anything I love or visit the people who care about me. I was basically a slave to her, even though she denied it. I had to cater to her every whim while she sat on her ass. To make matters worse, she was pregnant with her now ex-boyfriend's baby. I wasn't able to work or do anything to make money because I had to bow down to her.

So, in conclusion, the thing that keeps me going is work, my new fiancé (much better than my ex), and karma. The reason I say karma is because my ex and I had a child together, and she has seen what my ex has done to me during our separation. Once she gets older, she will know the truth... and that is a fact that keeps me going everyday.

(Sorry, I know I wrote too much lol)

Title	Losing Hope
Author	walkingdisaster4046
Upvotes	8
Comments	23
Date	February 11, 2023 12:37 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/10z7onz/losing_hope/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/losing-hope.1151170 https://theredarchive.com/post/1151170

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