My (33m) girlfriend (32f) has been having an affair. I am back with an update if anyone out there wants to read. Go check out my history if you want to catch up on my story. There has been a few things that have happened since I last shared. Before I do I just some how am still struggling with wanting to fully let her go. Is that messed up? I don’t know if I need reassurance or to hear it over and over that I deserve better. Even though I know I deserve so much more than this. Why do I love this woman so much to be willing to take this and still be the back bone of our family? The stable one? I last told you I reached out and talked with an attorney and I have a therapist. Things are delayed until after the holidays as far as anything with the house and living conditions. Things are going great with the therapist. We have spoken a lot about the affair and he has reminded me that only I can choose what’s best for me and that we are all humans with struggles and choices to make.

Since my last post I have found out she has continued talking with her AP. She has met up with him a few times since my last post. Her drinking has gotten worse. Her AP after two blocked numbers texted me from a 3rd random number. More “truths” from him. How they have slept with each other many times. In her car. That they went up to her family cabin for a whole weekend while we thought she was else where. Another lie. That was right before thanksgiving. Even sent a picture of them together there as proof. Seems like every time they get into a fight or things are about to end he likes to truth bomb me. Telling me that she loves me and that I need to help her. That he loves her but can’t help her. That there is other people and she is being taken advantage of. All this crap. That he has been in my house.

I also walked in on her in the bedroom where she had headphones in and her phone was in her blanket hidden. Definitely talking with someone. She said she was on tik tok but it shows when you’re active and she wasn’t. The very next night I come home late from work to find her passed out on the couch and on her phone was Snapchat audio talking with AP. I confronted her and asked why she is still talking with this guy even after all the toxic shit he has done to her. She told me because she wanted an apology from him. I told her you don’t fall asleep during an apology. That she doesn’t need anything from this piece of shit and his word means nothing. She has clearly lost it and doesn’t realize what she is doing to this family. How dangerous and radical this has turned into. She has said I deserve it. She has been rude. She hasn’t apologized. Calls me names. Continues to lie and hide things. She has ruined the safety of the family. She has ruined relationships and have hurt many people and I don’t think she realizes how bad her behavior is as she blames me and says I’m the abusive one.

Yet she tells me she is over it. That she has more self respect than to let that crazy man back into her life. That she wants me. Misses me. That she doesn’t want me to exit her life. That I’m the love of her life. She plays with my mind but then doesn’t show anything. No trying to make up. No trying to have sex. No trying to be a relationship and still is talking with AP. This is torture in a way. Internally I know I need her out of my life. That I deserve real love. That I deserve respect and that I need to show my children to stand up to this crap in a relationship. It’s just so hard to move on. When I love this woman but how can I and why should I anymore? I just wish none of this as happened I know the road ahead will be tough. I hope I have the strength to get through this. I know no person should go through this and still be here. I know the kids and I deserve to get away from her toxic behavior. But why does it still feel so wrong?

TLDR: Venting about my situation with my partner who has been having an affair and has done nothing to show she actually loves me and cares for me. The lies continue and I know the right thing to do. It’s just hard to think of a new future for me and the kids.