It’s been a month here’s an update

Quick background I (33m) found out my long time girlfriend (32f) of 18 years was having an affair. We are not married but do have 3 kids. We have a house that is both our names.

A quick update we are still currently in the same house. Things with the house and custody and separation are moving along thru the courts. A couple of things has happened in the last month. I of course found out she is still talking with AP. She ended up going to Vegas where before she left she was saying it was with co workers but I don’t believe that. I found shaved hairs around the toilet when I came home after work the day she left. I was home with the kids all weekend. It was really nice not going to lie. She didn’t come home until late Sunday later then she should have because her flight was in the afternoon. Came home said good nights shared some quick stories told us all she was running on 4 hours of sleep and went to bed. The following day after work she didn’t come home until 9pm yet again even after a vacation. She use to be the mom who would rush home to be with the family now even after a long vacation she stays out late. It’s sad really. That night I heard her balling her eyes out. Heard it thru the house. I shouldn’t have but I went to go check on her. She told me she fucked her whole life up. That she is just a drunk loser. I told her I think she is lost and she needs to seek some help. She said she didn’t care she was lost and there is no fixing her. I told her the kids still need a mom In their life and she needs to get it together for these kids. She told me that she is sick of being a fuck up and I should just take the house and kids. That I should just take it all. That I won. To which I told her this isn’t a game and that she hasn’t been the mom she use to be. That she isn’t as present and that she is hurting them with these behaviors. That she could have attempted to make us work for months because I held on longer then I should have. She said it’s too late for her to fix anything. And that I use her kids against her to make her live life a way she doesn’t want and that I’m the adult and I should have lied to them and not let them know about the affair. That I havnt done anything to stop the trauma and I should have made up stories why she wasn’t home at night. That I’m the piece of shit who tries to make her look like shit to the kids. That I’m the controlling bitch who uses the kids to control her life. As I find out she is still talking with AP. Oh the best part is that I’m not doing anything to show her why she should take me back. But she sits and cry’s about how she ruined her life, how her and I will never be the same and how her whole life is about to change. That she is done with this life because she is nothing but a fuck up and is over it that there is no help for her anymore.

My therapist told me this was a way to bring me back into her world and to not engage more than I already did. That she wants to use my feelings to reel me in. It looks like I’ll be getting the house and buying her out. I should also be getting primary custody but she will still have the kids to. Still figuring that out. I don’t believe there will be any child support either side. I am hoping in the next few weeks I will be handing her a check and she will be moving out. She makes me feel bad but then I remember she was able to create a whole other life, plans with out me to meet up with someone else. She allowed another man in her to curl her toes. i cant wait for this to be over! I also found out from my mom that my son who is 16 has told her he has pictures of stuff from his mom drinking and that if he is called on he will be in my corner. That he wants his mom out and wants to live with me. He hasn’t told me this but is close to my mom. Breaks my heart he feels this way towards his mom. Why can’t she just stop talking with that loser? Why couldn’t she be better for the family? I guess I’ll never know. I hope on the other side I find happiness. My therapist told me after everything I shared that I never make it about me and how to make everyone around me lives better and that it’s time to focus on my best interests. I hope I can learn how to do that. I just want everyone to be ok.

TLDR: Update on my progress. Yes it’s slow but it’s moving forward.