Mediation advice

Brokenbyher2019 · 2020-06-07T01:43:36+00:00

A good mediation will result in the feeling of...meh. Decide beforehand on the top 3 things/results you want and hold your ground on them, never cave. Also beforehand, decide on the 4-6 things you want but can lose. Those 4 to 6 are your bargainig chips to keep 1-3. Then when mediation happens demand of her/him the top 6 things you want right away and as things go on cave on 4-6, it makes her/him thinks they won. But really its your give ups, and you KNOW beforehand that your willing to give them up. Its all how you emotionally attach to things. It also helps to have 4-6 something that she wants.

originaldopey · 2020-06-07T04:27:58+00:00

After both my wife and I hired lawyers we went to mediation with them. No assets, just parenting time and custody of our 3 kids and alimony. I work, she doesn’t. I walk in having already proposed a fair 50/50 split and fair alimony. She goes into the mediation saying she want me to have zero overnights with the kids. The mediation ends in about an hour with her suggestion of more like a 60/40 and similar money to the original. My wife didn’t respond for 3 weeks and her response was “I don’t accept it and have no counter.” Now I filed a motion for temporary arraignments to be put in place so I can leave the house. Right before I filed that her lawyer dumped her. So in short. Mediation is not worth it if she is unreasonable.

LeatherDude · 2020-06-07T01:47:29+00:00

Got my first mediation this month too. I'm not as nervous as I probably should be. We are pretty amicable but she's not terribly interested in working or making her own way in life so she's going to try to extract maximum value from me. My lawyer doesn't give me the warm fuzzies about how strongly she's going to fight for me, but her lawyer is pro bono so I cant image hers will be super invested either.

CertainCrow1 · 2020-06-07T03:23:41+00:00

Mediation only works if you two are close to an agreement already I think. also if your case is pretty simple without too many assets, family gifts/loans, kids, etc. I tried it by mediator didn't really seem to listen to my concerns or read my emails properly even. So was a bad mediator. When questioned it was like ..I'm confident let me know if you want to terminate the process.that and she was just caving to loudest voice in the room. Even backed off of things she told me would be reasonable to get my ex to agree to. My ex was getting literally every last request she wanted. Was all give and no take on my part until I had enough. I'd basically told her I consulted a couple lawyers and they were telling me her interpretation was wrong.. nevermind she's not a lawyer and is only supposed to facilitate discussion.

SzDiverge · 2020-06-07T23:57:13+00:00

The biggest thing I can tell you after having been through two mediation sessions is this.. the mediator is not your friend. The mediator is not a "neutral" party either. I dont care how much you've heard that.

The mediator has one function.. to settle outside of court. If he/she can cook up a deal that one party will accept, they will try to get both parties on board to get it done.

My mediator saw a deal and he hammered it home. It wasn't for aweful for me, but So know I could have done better. He suggested what my wife would likely accept.. and then went and talked to her.. strangely, she had the same deal! He fed her the deal.. not to in my best interest, but to get it settled.

Ok.. 2nd piece of advice. Take your time and don't let your lawyer or mediator overwhelm you with numbers.. and also, if you have something you want to take a stand on.. don't back down! My wife and I had paid both our initial retainer fees from our combined account. When it came time to pay the 2nd fee for her, it also came from our account.. meanwhile, my lawyer didn't require a retainer and instead we did monthly billing. I got fucked because my bill came due AFTER a mediation session that cost me 4k, and after our finances were split.. so while I paid half of both of her retainer fees.. she didn't pay half of both of mine. I brought it up during the mediation session and he didn't understand and steamrolled over me and got me confused.. don't let that happen to you.

gmack2547 · 2020-06-07T02:26:00+00:00

Our mediator said we have one session 3 hours total...if you're both willing to mediate vs. drag shit out in court it isn't going to be that bad in my opinion. I would think that the mediator will tell her she can't be a sponge off of you forever. She needs to work for a living also. Depending on which state we're talking about here you're only responsible for a percentage of what the kids "need" to live not percentage of the gap in pay rates. Either way don't stress it's the best way to go about it.

used2befast · 2020-06-07T13:43:33+00:00

My wife ( she's an attorney herself) and her attorney were steadfast from the beginning they didn't want mediation. Turned down a fair settlement offer. Now that she's exhausted the $150K from the sale of our house she want mediation. The issue is her original offer to me was the EOW ( Every Other Weekend) screw job and a split of assets ( of which I played 100% role in building ) that is more than double than what is 50/50 and IMHO that just isn't acceptable. I'll let it go to trial before I give her that and make my best effort to spend it all litigating along the way.

Roto2esdios · 2020-06-07T07:51:04+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbXUAg5tA0s&t=49s

dday_throwaway3 · 2020-06-09T22:28:40+00:00

I used the tips here for a very successful mediation session, where I came in with nothing and walked out with a finalized separation: https://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=46407

Title	Mediation advice
Author	WildThorn1
Upvotes	5
Comments	17
Date	June 7, 2020 12:38 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/gy2j0x/mediation_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/mediation-advice.818170 https://theredarchive.com/post/818170

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