Mentor? Lawyer? WTF?

nerdzilla16 · 2025-07-31T11:47:47+00:00

I recommend listening to a few episodes of Divorce Team Radio. They are a podcast that has tips on mediation, lawyers, and which path is helpful. Make sure you don’t let your emotions or and guilt cause an issue that will reoccur for years. It might be what’s best, but make sure it’s done right.

VeteranEntrepreneurs · 2025-07-30T17:13:21+00:00

Try to find a good divorce coach, a certified divorce coach.

Gattsama · 2025-07-30T16:46:21+00:00

Do NOT use your divorce attorney as a therapist. That is a costly mistake and will give you zero benefits. Keep all communication with the attorney short, direct, and only about the legal portion of the divorce.

This group can be great as a place to just vent. I used to write out long posts and sometimes not even post them. The process is important.

You need some people you can directly talk to: phone, online, in person.. These people need to listen and provide support. In my case I had 4: best friend and 3 cousins. You want more than one because you'll need to rotate them from time to time just to not overwhelm them. It's not that you are a burden or they don't care it's just logistics; people have jobs, family, etc they need to do too.

A man needs to be fit: physically fit, emotionally fit, mentally fit, and financially fit. You are going to hear this a lot because it's true, you need to find physical activities and work out regularly (not when you feel like it, have a schedule). Exercise is as good or superior to SSRIs for simple depression, but you have to be regular about it.

I don't like the gym (never have), you do you. But walking, running, calisthenics, jump rope, etc are essentially free and can be anywhere and anytime. BJJ is popular because it's mostly guys and again can meet other divorced men.

The emotional and mental means studying what helps you: theology, philosophy, 'the crimson capsule,' learning about boundaries, etc.

Financial isn't just about savings or investing, but cost of living, taxes, financial literacy, retirement planning, etc.

Look to the millions of men that have come before you. We are here as demonstrations that the bleeding stops, healing is possible, and life can be great on the other side. But it takes directed planning and work to create that. You are going to ultimately be great, but it's going to suck a lot prior to that.

Personally, I recommend David Goggins and stoicism. Accept the suck and embrace the suck. The pain is coming anyway. You are already in pain. You might as well use it for something positive. That's me, you need to find what works for you.

Stay safe out there..

upvotersfortruth · 2025-07-30T12:37:55+00:00

You need to recruit three people for your divorce army: (1) a dude who has been through the ringer to give you no nonsense advice, (2) a dude you can just dump on to let it all out, and (3) a big picture guy who keeps an eye on you. Your lawyer is not equipped to handle this and even if they were, it would cost you a ton. A therapist can be good for (2), for (3) just a friend, for (1) you can consider a divorce coach, make sure they’re certified or have special training in divorce, life coaches just don’t cut it. (1) and (2) can also be friends or ppl in your network.

PurrpleCarrot42 · 2025-07-30T12:06:35+00:00

You likely need both. A guy who’s gone through it to generally guide you thru the process, help you through the emotional side of it. And depending on your situation/state/kids/assets you need a lawyer as well. Make no mistake though the lawyer won’t be your buddy/mentor/therapist. He/she is just a legal expert(?) who will charge you every penny they can.

Title	Mentor? Lawyer? WTF?
Author	Cautious-Young-2690
Upvotes	5
Comments	9
Date	July 30, 2025 3:42 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1mcwblr/mentor_lawyer_wtf/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/mentor-lawyer-wtf.1558491 https://theredarchive.com/post/1558491

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