Officially separating what next?

Jettster · 2023-01-24T04:00:06+00:00

DO not move out. DO not let the children move out of the marital home. Do allow her to move out if she would like. Do Lawyer up very quickly. Do protect your banking information. Change passwords/logins for non-shared accounts.

Do cancel or take her off of credit cards in your name.

ChitownFitty · 2023-01-24T05:45:17+00:00

We feel you.. it is a terrible feeling and a process that can suck the life out of you but you have to stay strong. Always take the high ride and be the strong one that is always there for those kids, they are going to need you. It can be brutal, so buckle up brother and stay busy and focus on the kids, going to their games, play dates, counseling, homework, school parent teacher meetings, etc.. Take them out for diversion outings and always remind them that you will always be there to help them, love them, support them and protect them. Don't focus on what she does on her time, etc. just be the best Dad you can be.

Lawyer up & start getting your ideas down on paper for settlement purposes (money/assets/kids/schedules/etc.) early because there are high emotions flying around at first and she just might sign off easier early on. I learned the hard way on that one which cost me everything I financially had. But I have my kids and our dog full time which is all I ever wanted, rebuilding now fiscally but we are happy again.

I hit the gas a little hard here but if you know it is over, pull it. It hurts more dragging it out- especially for the kids. Easier said than done but if I could have changed our process and my decisions earlier....

Good luck my man, it does get better down the road just try to avoid the conflicts especially in front of them as you maneuver through this slippery slope.

gyozadouda · 2023-01-24T04:13:07+00:00

Not advice for your current situation but for future ones;

Control your emotions. Be stoic. She lost respect for you and you lost frame in the relationship every time you “blew up” during arguments. You need to be in control of your emotions at all times, no matter how unreasonable the other party is acting. Stand your ground, but be cool, calm, and collected when you do so.

BlazeKnaveII · 2023-01-24T06:08:45+00:00

What county you in?

You're gonna be okay. You all will. This is better for you than fighting and hating each other. It's going to be hard and fucking suck. But you got this. You made a family, a home, a business, the vehicles.. you did all that. You can do this. It's just different and new and painstaking. But that's never stopped you before. Keep your head up. There will be a lot of darkness. Sadness. Anger. Grief. Regret. Everything is going to come out of your heart and your brain and you're going to have to face it and deal with it. That's okay, you're going to do it. Like tons of other people. You've overcome shit, you got this. The reward is worth it. On the other side is safety, calm, agency, clarity, untarnished time with the kids and their future health. Your health. Go put your oxygen mask on for your kids and face your ultimate crucible. The power is in you. You got this big dog!

Benzon22s · 2023-01-24T03:26:10+00:00

I was in your shoes 8 months ago and it was the worst decision if you are not being honest with yourself if divorce is what you really want…I thought great I get to work on myself and things just went down a spiral. Not to say this will happen to you, but I agreed to the separation bc we were not happy…and now 8 months later I wish I worked harder to make things work than make excuses for why we didn’t work. The feeling of starting over, not seeing your kids everyday, the STBXW moving on and then eventually perhaps one day filling your spot as the man of the house with your kids when it is her turn with the kids…I guess my point is, don’t jump the gun to separate if you haven’t thought out what your future will be. If I could had done it again, I wouldn’t had separated but tried counseling and really try to understand why it wasn’t working out…then at the end of the day if divorce was still the result at least you have peace of mind it wasn’t meant to be in the end

brutusburger · 2023-01-24T03:24:04+00:00

i dont have any advice, but can tell you that you are not alone with such a situation and heartfelt concern for the kids

Ambitious_Flow9819 · 2023-01-24T07:00:36+00:00

Protect yourself at all times! Control your emotions at all times. If you think there will be an argument, take a walk. If an argument starts, video record. Lawyer up asap! If you really think divorce is eminent, file first! The person who files first gets heard first. False or exaggerated domestic violence restraining order are super common and it’s a way for (usually the women) to get the man out of the house and take full custody of the kids, no evidence required, only her word. Once this happens, you will be playing defense. Lawyer up and file first. Record everything. If you can’t talk, start communicating only in writing. Have a record of everything. Don’t let her strike first and set the tone for the divorce, she will make you the villain of the divorce.

DivorceCoachMarcin · 2023-01-24T15:25:52+00:00

Oh man. Sorry to hear my friend. I’ve been in your shoes 3 years ago. Man was it hard. Check out my website and let’s connect. Www.coachmarcin.com

unaccomplished420 · 2023-01-26T02:15:33+00:00

Update, she is out of the house. She was trying to prolong it till this weekend. And I told her she needs to go. Let's rip this bandaid off. She understood what I was saying and she is gone. I have no idea what the future will bring but I'm as ready as I can be.

Judithjef · 2023-01-24T03:52:55+00:00

Some of these issues happen not to be our fault, but we don't understand Cus it happened to me a few months ago ,but a friend referred me to a powerful Priest ,he prayed for us and reviewed every secret to us. Right now, we live a happy family.

If you're interested, I can refer you to the priest.

MomentSpecialist2020 · 2023-01-24T04:44:37+00:00

Talk to a family law attorney first!

HRH_2765 · 2023-01-24T10:58:42+00:00

Despite the decision being made you really should look into why small arguments turn into ww3. Your lives are not going to be cut free from one another anytime soon. You are both being triggered and the ww3 response is a coping mechanism. A divorce is not going to make that go away. I myself have considered divorce however I believe that it will lead to so much new logistics and require a lot more communication than currently exists that for now I would rather stay put. I guess what I am saying is next should be identifying what went wrong and how to coparent effectively. Division of assets should be simple math. But again, given the state of your relationship you will probably need legal assistance.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-01-24T13:36:10+00:00

> have decided to separate

As in legal separation, or is that just a euphemism for divorce?

CaliDude75 · 2023-01-26T15:18:50+00:00

“Obligated compliance.” Man…What a perfect term. That totally sums up the last few years of my marriage. And yes. It definitely leads to resentment. I honestly don’t think things will improve if you try to stick it out.

Title	Officially separating what next?
Author	unaccomplished420
Upvotes	17
Comments	40
Date	January 24, 2023 2:58 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/10jvdxm/officially_separating_what_next/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/officially-separating-what-next.1149153 https://theredarchive.com/post/1149153

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