This my 4th message on this board, and probably the last one.

Last month, almost exactly one year after the D-word, I met a very nice and sweet girl, totally randomly, I was not even looking for a girlfriend. I am not saying this is a victory and a conclusion, it's just a sign that things always get better. It happened because I am now feeling very good. I changed and learned a lot from my divorce experience, I'm very glad to have divorced. This is the best lesson of my life.

I'm "glowing" with kindness, confidence, strength and calm, it attracts people. Don't try to rush to this state, it grows quietly.

As a strong reminder for the freshly separated guys:

  • talk a lot with your friends and family.
  • no or very limited alcohol drinks.
  • no or limited carbohydrates.
  • lots of sport and try new ones.
  • read as much as possible.
  • avoid movies, tv shows, video games, netflix.... but that's a standard recommendation for mental health.
  • read "Rebuilding", really read it like a bible, even if you don't like "self-improvement" bullsh*t, it's a very different book. Try to pinpoint all your flaws. The biggest helper for me was to understand the perception I gave to my ex-wife and other people around me. Even if you know yourself, you might not know how people see you, feel you. Self-issues are different than relation-issues. We can be asshole to ourself but kind and lovable with other people. It really changed my life to understand this. Read it again.
  • no tinder, no dating, limit masturbation to blueball release.
  • reach the state where you are very happy being alone.
  • don't feel any anger about you ex-wife, don't talk bad about her, don't think bad about her. Be nice with her, especially for the kids.
  • avoid negative talks and badmouthing.
  • be honest and transparent with people, you don't need to hide anything.
  • the money you lose with attorneys is the price for a great life lesson.
  • try to enjoy the new people you meet, they are not perfect and sometimes they are assholes, but you always learn at least one thing.
  • understand women are as "broken" as you, don't fear them, don't sacralize them.
  • if you have strong beliefs, live 100% by them and don't be shy about it. You will lose some people, but more people will be attracted to your authenticity.
  • read extensively this board, almost everything is pure truth.
  • learn to learn.

One year goes super-fast but the pain of the first months is strong as hell. I cried in front of my boss, the nanny, my neighbour. It's a phase.

It's hard to strictly follow everything, I failed a lot on almost every point I listed. The goal is not to be perfect but to know where is the baseline for recovery.