Parenting Plans

Most-Ad-7288 · 2025-06-18T00:37:29+00:00

Make sure you pick up on your time. Don’t have the kids delivered to you or they will always be late

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-06-17T17:23:05+00:00

Dont sweat it is my advice. Instead put that energy into your co-parent relationship. The extra fluff is not enforceable by the courts so don't waste your time. As long as 50/50 is in writing you are gold. Now the real work starts building the co-parent relationship to where you are both amicable and flexible and never have to go to court again (ironically more work than a marriage).

warwww · 2025-06-16T23:34:24+00:00

How can you feasibly keep 50/50 if the mother can decide to move 25 miles at will?

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2025-06-16T21:53:10+00:00

Here is another copy/paste job from a prior comment of mine, for recommendations on custody stuff.

FYI: Anything morality related is essentially unenforceable. Feel free to add it just assume it wont be followed.

Ill say this for custody stuff: you can never be overly specific on things. Much of the anger in the process was learning that their idea of a divorce wasn't reasonable or even doable. Save yourself from trying to explain/tell them anything - everything I told my spouse (almost all of it was legit) was deemed BS and anything I asked for was taken as an affront to them, personally. Much if the expense I've had in the divorce was them having to learn what the law said on things.

Things to consider about custody - Keeping things informal or 'general' can blow up later on. DONT be afraid to get as nit-picky as you want. It protects both of you.

Its VERY GOOD to get a temp custody order now, even while waiting on separation - the status quo right now will set up the schedule later. Child support is based on over nights 50/50 is 183/182. WHEN/If you're living separately, You need to get the overnights asap. Get 50/50 now as what you're doing (if the kids are with her 100% of the time) is establishing the status quo. I.e. you do this for 6-12mo and suddenly at the end you're in court and she says "I've had them overnight 350/365 days and Im requesting 90% custody, full decision making, child support to match, Alimony, and I'm moving 50+ miles away".

If you're 50/50 it keeps EITHER of you, really, from going more than 20-25 miles away from the primary parent location without the other agreeing to it. It also gives her 50% to get to work. If shes 100% care for the kids she gets to say she wont work.

50/50 NO MATTER WHAT. TIME is the ultimate commodity now. You can always make more money, social events, ect but you can NEVER make time. No one looks back on their kids childhood and says "I should have worked more during your soccer games and recitals and days with me!"
Hand offs during the school year are on school days. I.e. ex drops off Wed and you pick up Wed after school is over. Avoid swapping on weekends if you can and in person if you can. Time away from your ex is huge - out of sight out of mind. If the kiddo was off (holiday/break), you would pick up. More later.
There are day options - 2-2-5-5, 3-3-2, 7-7, ect You'll need to figure out what is best.

a. 2-2-5-5: Parent 1 has them every M/T, parent 2 every W/Th, parents alternate F-Sa-Su (Good for young kids, kindergarten age though middle school/Jr High)

b. 2-2-3: Parent 1 has them M-T, Parent 2 W-Th, parent 1 F-Su, parent 2 M-T, parent 2 W-Th, Parent 2 F-Su (repeats)

c. 7-7: Parent 1 has them M-Su and the parent 2 has them the next M-su. (Good for older kids)

d. 3-4-4-3: Parent 1 has them M-W, Parent 2, Th-Su, Parent 1 M-Th, parent 2 F-Su (not great as one parent gets all the weekends)

PLANS, and others, HERE: https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/schedules/50-50/
That said, whatever plans you get, when a parent days start they are PICKING UP. The reason? When your kids get older you DO NOT want to have to drag a kid into your car to go to the ex when they dont want to go. It makes you the bad guy. And if you cant get them? Well ex will be up in arms accusing you of trying to cause problems. ALWAYS make them pick up (and you pick up) because if a kid doesn't want to go the pick up parent will have to deal with it.
Right of first refusal (ROFR): If a parent is unable to watch kid(s) for a determined amount of time (can be whatever you agree on) the OTHER parent gets first crack at watching the kids, over say the ex's mom or them getting a baby sitter. From what I've read anytime over 8 hours or from 9pm to 8am seems to be the most fair. Asking for ROFR because the other person is busy for 2-3 hours is just going to cause more drama, AND limit what you yourself can do. Worth noting that there WILL be times either the ex or you DONT call when you should but unless its chronic a court really isn't going to give a damn. You'll need to document a ton to show its not being followed (i.e. the ex has their mother watch them every night after 6pm-11pm because they are out but that 9pm+ time you should have).

a. make a list of people you're ok with transporting your kids because it will happen - don't name specific people just "uncle(s), Aunt(s), Grandfather(s) ect so you're both covered.

b. this is done so a holiday/break day you don't have to do a pick up and some randos home
DO NOT Agree to cover joint child care costs during 'anytime' its needed. ONLY agree to cover your costs (baby sitter, after school programs) on YOUR days. Otherwise they can get a baby sitter from 3pm-8pm every night they work, and has them, and suddenly your paying 50% of child care on the ex's time.
Figure out your holidays and swap time. 8-9 am is good. Figure out of you both want 1-2 weeks in the summer to have the WHOLE week. Same with spring breaks on alternating years. Put in that you'll have the option and if one party does not make use they DO NOT get make-up/swap time later. Use the break time or lose it and it goes back to a reg schedule. You'll have to look at a calendar but try and time your weekend to line up with Fathers day and hers with Mothers day (but it will flip due to leap years) - they are the same every year a few years in a row and it is a pain in the ass to swap on an off weekend for those days as they are emotionally charged so look ahead now and see when the next few fathers/mothers days land. If you have Mondays: Holidays like Labor day and Memorial day (always on Mondays) should NOT be overnight (the years the ex has them you would lose an overnight). Swap time for those should end at 730-830ish.
When it comes to "phone" contact - Put in either party can contact the kids at the other parents when they want, at a reasonable time, and without the other parent interfering and via other things than phone (i.e. facetime, google duo, skype). If your kids are older also note that parent communication to kids on the other parent time can include games online (i.e. xbox live, psn, nintendo online, etc).
No corporal punishment. (i.e. hitting kids as a form of discipline)
Depending on custody one parent might have primary decision on school/dr/therapists/religion. Push for co-decision making.
Notification from one parent to another if the parent gets a new Job/address/phone number/primary email (better yet establish WHAT email(s) you'll officially use NOW and NOT work emails as jobs can change).
A right to attend any and all events and activities appointments conferences and extracurriculars on both parents days. You don't want to get screamed at because you showed up to your kids softball game on the ex's day.
NO COMMUNICATION THROUGH THE KIDS (i.e. They told me to tell you [important thing that should be documented in an email])
Morality agreements are rarely enforceable and courts don't really care. I have no one introduces kids to new partner until they have been dating 6mo but i don't know what they are doing and they could just lie and say they were seeing them for that time and its only been two weeks.
I put in no coed sleep overs (for when the kids get older and start dating, I don't want to be a grand parent yet).
My state will not allow the non-custodial parent (someone is always named primary) to move more than 25 miles away from the primary (generally where kids are registered for school) without the primary signing off. Moving further away can make the state re consider the 50/50 time (i.e. the ex moves 50 m away, you now gets 80/20 as driving a kid 100m round trip to school is insane). If your spouse is primary and staying in the home you can try and put something in saying they cannot sell until your youngest is X age, so they stay in their school district BUT the other party would need to agree.
Child support WILL happen - Its based on overnights. 50/50 is 183/182 days (someone is named primary for school purposes). The bread winner will be paying, barring equal income, and even then if one party is carrying insurance they would get recouped. Never trade anything for no CS, if you're making more. There will be nothing stopping someone from going back and putting in a request. Dont bother saying you're going to get it or say you're not going to pay. The court wont put up with that. The sooner everyone comes to grips with it (someone paying, and the amount) things will go better.

All of the BS above was a borderline fight for me to get and cost nearly 25k+, so maybe it saves you some time/money.

If you got questions on other stuff like equalization of assets, home buy out, etc please feel free to ask.

CRobinsFly · 2025-06-16T20:22:21+00:00

Right of First Refusal!!! I dont care if it is "not easily enforceable". I have had my parenting time minimized several times in the last year with the justification being "ROFR isnt in our parenting plan". In one instance the bish literally left the country and left our toddler with her friend for a week. Fortunately I was able to get the child out of daycare and just didnt give her back until her mother was back in town.

40Watts · 2025-06-16T19:59:59+00:00

I said I'd only pay for 50% for up to one extracurricular as I know more activities means more money and more pick ups / drop offs.

Title	Parenting Plans
Author	SuccessfulMusic1462
Upvotes	7
Comments	15
Date	June 16, 2025 6:49 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ld1767/parenting_plans/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/parenting-plans.1554846 https://theredarchive.com/post/1554846

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