Post Divorce Reality

ThrowawayAccount602 · 2019-02-15T14:17:59+00:00

Age 50.

Better: It turned out far better than I expected. I was free of her constant whining and complaining. I was freed from worrying about where she was and what (who) she was doing. I could finally relax in my own home rather than feeling like I was living with unpredictable and barely domesticated lion. I found LOTS of women my age to date and to have sex with. I could spend money without having to scrutinize it. I could decorate how I wanted to do it. I could vacation where I wanted to do it. And, did I mention lots of sex with lots of women?

Worse: She completely abandoned one of the kids who lives with me full time now (high schooler) and regularly fails to fulfill what she is contracted to do according to the divorce agreement.

Best: I got the opportunity to completely reshape myself without having to please someone else. It is weird how many aspects of your personality you shave so you can be compatible with someone else. While the transition was tough, having the opportunity to figure out who you are at age 50 is pretty damn sweet.

Super_Juicy_Muscles · 2019-02-14T17:04:51+00:00

I'm 39,

the meh part: I had to move into my parents house so I can save up enough for a down payment on a new house, so that will take a few years to save up at least 250k. I had to pick up another job, because I really don't want to be living with my parents.

The good part: is that I can play video games again. I lost 50 pounds already and have put on a lot muscle. I am eating healthy and in great shape. My ex cannot control what I do anymore and that if great. Started kick-boxing to vent my rage.

the bad part: My kids are depressed and hurting, ex took the dogs, and my hatred for my ex grows every day, which has made me a hell of a lot meaner. Started kick-boxing to vent my rage, tore my shoulder muscle in a spar, may need surgery. Did i mention getting old sucks, because it really does.

Burninator85 · 2019-02-14T18:25:42+00:00

I'm 35, got divorced three years ago.

Better: I have a way better work/life balance. I used to work 70+ hours every week. I made a hard commitment that I would end that so I could be a Dad to my kids. Actually ended up with a healthy promotion in the end. My bosses responded way better than I expected to me suddenly taking unscheduled days off when I have a sick kid.

I'm a better Dad too. I go to every school event, we read together at night, I take them on more vacations. My time with them had much more quality than it used to.

The bad: Financial ruin. Between losing 30% of my income for child support, paying lawyers, needing to buy furniture/dishes/etc... I was eating a lot of Ramen again. I'm upper middle class and was definitely struggling to get by.

Dating at my age is an absolute disaster in my area. Most women at this age are single for a reason. The last woman I dated asked me to co-sign a car loan for her (after 3 months) and threw a tantrum because I wanted to wait to introduce her to my kids. No, she never did end up meeting them.

Bluetoes1 · 2019-02-14T19:51:21+00:00

47 yo male.

Turns out I was not happy with the ex. I was just going through the motions. But More importantly I found out how terrible my ex was with money. She had been siphoning off money and taking out loans for years. So really I learned that the hemorrhaging that was happening could be stopped.

Most importantly, my relationship with my 2 young girls has grown by leaps and bounds. I have a 50/50 split for custody and when my girls are with me, they are only with me. It is amazing the closeness that has happened. I have really learned a lot about them and their personalities. I could not be happier about that aspect.

I also have a new gf who is so much better of a match for me, and as a bonus her libido is tremendously higher than the ex’s was, so I’ve got that going for me.

TheDude191179 · 2019-02-14T19:05:04+00:00

I’m 39yrs old The bad: Even after divorce the Ex is still very very jealous and vindictive towards me. Probably because she can tell I’m happier. I’ll admit I have moments when I feel lonely or depressed, but the frequency and severity have diminished each time.

The Good: Life is pretty good. I was with my ex for 16yrs, and I forgot how much fun it is to meet new women as a single man. I also got my confidence back. I’ve noticed I’m dressing different, and I care more about my appearance. Work on your swagger and confidence. Get those in check, and the women will come. Mainly do it for yourself though. Building your self confidence will affect the way others look at you, and that’s good for everything including your job, friends, and family.

The divorce has made my son and I very very close. I have custody, so we get to do lots of things together. By far the best part of the divorce. This is something I did not expect. I don’t get any child support from my Ex, but he’s worth every penny. When my divorce started, and while it was happening, it felt like it was the worst thing in the world happening. My future felt very unpredictable, and my life felt unstable. Now I look back, and thank god things went the way they did. I realized that this marriage was just PART of my life, and there’s new things coming.

ScaphisMeretricum · 2019-02-14T16:00:35+00:00

Better: I’m free from feeling like I have to meet some status level for her and her parents - I went back to Uni to get a career that I thought would please them. I’ve left to join the military and put some time in before transferring back to civi street and the Police Force.

Worse: The sense of loneliness - just when I missed her and that sense of someone always being around. But as I’ve healed and moved on it gets a lot easier.

The sense that some friends have abandoned me and just assumed that it was all my fault. We went to a church and a lot of people (I have found out) just assumed I fucked up - many have been surprised when I’ve detailed for them the reasons she gave me why she wanted to seperate and eventually divorce.

stent00 · 2019-02-15T17:37:44+00:00

43

-way worse living conditions... went from 4 bedroom house to small 2 bedroom apartment

-3 kids... one kid sleeps on a pullout couch. child support for 3 kids is devastating.

-good part is im not seeking female validation and have lots of hobbies and don't mind being alone. And what little money I have,,, I have control over

saltydawg24x7 · 2019-02-14T18:55:54+00:00

Better: not waking up with, or carrying around the stress of someone who seems to resent your very presence. Always worrying about a blow up or drama. Making every decision with someone else's preferences above your own. Worse: Yeah, loneliness. Also, having to explain things the spouse was already aware of, which means often having to discuss things I'd rather not discuss. The effect on the children, especially the youngest, who were shielded from a lot of the BS and therefore have bitterness towards parents because, to them, it's seems pointless, as if the divorce was only done to punish them. Will take years before they begin to understand, and maybe not even then.

Is it worth it? If being with someone makes your miserable day in and day out, you shouldn't be with them. At least now the kids get to see their parents happy, and the pain of opening up to someone new is rewarded, sometimes, with...with...well, I'll let you know later, but I'm hoping it's better than what was.

SeenSomeShirt · 2019-04-20T16:39:13+00:00

48 Fucking awesome, way better. Didn't get the settlement I wanted, didn't get the visitation I wanted, and she still tried to raise hell about the kids. But I have an awesome wife now who I knew from my college days. And my ex is a miserable bitter woman. who needs constant reminders of the visitation agreement MDA and parenting plan. And while shes focused on trying to be controling, of me, someone whould could care less. Im moving on with my life.

LandOnMyFeet · 2019-04-20T16:55:48+00:00

Awesome thanks for sharing. There is life afterwards!

saltydawg24x7 · 2019-02-14T19:01:41+00:00

Also: dating at an advanced age (I'm 52) is very weird. I have to resist the urge to give her money after sex, and you have to train yourself to ignore the Adam's apple...

Title	Post Divorce Reality
Author	LandOnMyFeet
Upvotes	12
Comments	15
Date	February 14, 2019 3:51 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/aql4qe/post_divorce_reality/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/post-divorce-reality.819763 https://theredarchive.com/post/819763

Comments