I thought I was getting better (had an okay previous week) then this weekend I was hovering somewhere in the middle emotionally and then last night I had a few drinks and had a drunken emotional outburst that included me yelling, punching the table, picking it up and throwing it at the wall: I feel ashamed of myself. I keep trying to get through this separation/divorce but it’s such an emotional roller coaster that I thought I could handle but now I know it’s not just any experience. I busted my ass taking care of that woman walking on eggshells and asking her to be my wife. Now I realize she used me and was more into the idea of a wedding than actually being married. I almost wish I did something bad to deserve this because then I could at least sit here and make sense of all this instead I just feel like a big fat loser sinking into a lonely depressive state. Current emotions are bouncing back between sadness and anger, previously I was feeling a mixture of sad, hopeful, and maybe some denial.